“Good, did you make an appointment?”
“Yeah, the earliest I could get was a week from today.His office is on Lexington Avenue.”
“It had to be a man?Couldn’t you find a woman?”
“Nick—” I say with a hint of frustration and warning.
“I’m just saying.”He shrugs.“Give me his name and the address of the place and I’ll look it over.”
“You won’t find anything wrong with him.”He looks at me and shakes his head.
“How did you feel today, still nauseated?”
“Mostly in the morning, but I’m less nauseated in the afternoon.In the night I’m fine as long as you don’t plop a load of food down in front of me.”I think back to last night.
“Did you eat today?”
I roll my eyes at him in annoyance, my hands folded.
“Don’t roll your eyes.I want to make sure you’re eating.”
“Yes, I ate my fruit and yogurt for breakfast with toast.For lunch, I had a grilled chicken salad with bread and butter.Is that good?”
“Yes, I approve.Do you feel anything?”He glances at my stomach.
“No, not yet.It’s too early.”I wonder if he’s thinking about Kate’s baby?I was crushed the evening I saw them in the hallway at my parents’ house on Thanksgiving.His hand was on her stomach, feeling their baby move for the first time.They looked like a couple, and I couldn’t stand it.I wanted to move and I couldn’t.I was frozen in the scene, watching them together.I wonder how he’s dealing with the loss of the baby?I don’t want to ask him if he’s not ready to talk about what happened.When he wants to, he will.I hope he knows he can talk to me about it if he needs someone to talk to.It’ll be hard for me to listen to him talk about the loss of their child, but it would be good if we could get past all the pain.There are things we both need to say about the things that occurred on that night.
“What do you feel like eating for dinner?”
“Since it’s my last night here, your choice, as long as it’s not anything greasy or fried; it doesn’t agree with the baby and me.”I learned that the hard way with my head in the toilet.
His gaze is directed to my stomach again, and I wonder what he’s thinking when his eyes travel back up to my face like he has something important to say to me.But all he says is, “Got it.Nothing fried, nothing greasy.”He walks out of the living room, leaving me by myself.
He’s been acting distant and holding back something from me.I wonder what it is?He might have mixed feelings about having another baby so soon after losing one.I would understand.I don’t expect him to get over it in two short months, and I know this baby can’t replace the one he lost.I think once the initial shock of having a baby with Kate wore off he was looking forward to seeing his baby and being a father.Everyone would have spoiled and loved that baby.
I put my hand on my stomach and hope my family can understand this.“I want you to be loved and accepted by your family, even if they don’t ever truly forgive me.”We’ll see how it works out soon enough.
For the rest of the night, there’s a strange awkward silence between us.We finish eating and Nick goes to his office to finish some work.I’m sitting in my room by myself with nothing but him on my mind and the flat screen TV watching me.I wish he would have stayed with me like the night I came here.It was easy and nice, even though I wanted him to reach out and touch me.I’m having a serious case of sexual frustration and only one person can cure it.
I fall asleep thinking about Nick and wake up with an ache between my legs and a need for him.It took me forever to fall asleep listening to him move around.He didn’t come into my room to check on me tonight.I wonder why?
I can’t sleep.And I’m thirsty.I pull my T-shirt down and slip out to the kitchen get a drink of water from the fridge.I glance to where his door is.No sound, and his lights are off.Go back to your room, Cat.After tonight you’ll be back at home, all by yourself, in your own bed.That does not sound appealing.I turn toward my room, trying to talk myself out of doing something stupid.Keep going, keep going, almost there… I stop, close my eyes, and turn back around.
What the hell am I doing?I’ve been here all of two days, and I’m ready to give in to feelings of wanting him.I need to get out of here first thing tomorrow before I do something I’ll regret.I need to take charge of my life and my feelings for this man, for myself and this baby.It would be easy to fall back into old habits and let him take care of me, but I can’t do that.
I pace up and down the hardwood floors, trying to talk myself out of going into his room.I need to be the woman I was before I came home.The one who is capable of making a decision for herself without worrying if her family or anyone else will approve.I need to figure some things out before I get any further into this pregnancy.I have options, and I want to see where these options take me.I need to make sure I have no regrets.To do that I’m going to have to explore these options fully.
My mind made up and a decision made, I stand in front of his door, turn the knob, and with bare feet silently walk into his room, a sliver of light peeking in behind me from the hallway.My heart is pounding in my chest as I walk to his bed, where he’s lying on his back, shirtless, the sheet covering him from the waist down.I let my eyes adjust to the dim light in the room, making out every muscle of his well-defined chest and arms.I walk to the bed and gently sit down beside him, watching him sleep.He looks peaceful, the muscles in his face relaxed.Watching him makes me want to run my fingers through his hair and kiss him awake, just to see the look in his beautifully amazing eyes.
I’m close to getting what I want when his eyes open and he stares at me, making my heart stutter.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”His voice is low, sexy, and deep.
My apprehension rapidly rises with what I’m about to say, but I simply say in a hushed whisper, “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve been tossing and turning in that bed every night since I’ve been here.”
