He buttons his suit and walks out, head held high, smile on his face.“I will now.”
Incorrigible.When I hear the door close, I brush my hair out of my face and get out of bed to see what he left for me to eat.He told me last night he doesn’t make breakfast in the morning, only coffee, no cream, no sugar.I need sugar in my coffee.I look at my stomach as I walk to the kitchen.“Thanks to you, I won’t be having none of that for the next seven months.”Looking up, I can’t believe my eyes.What did he do?It looks like he ordered everything on the breakfast menu.I don’t know what plate to uncover first.I can’t see the table, there’s so much food on it.I’ve barely been able to eat half a plate of food in a week and a half and he expects me to eat all this?I take off two covers.Turkey bacon and fried eggs, scrambled eggs, hash browns, and home fries.I cover that back.Can’t eat it…ugh.Next, dry cereal and oatmeal.No…that looks like something that’s going to come up if I keep looking at it.The next plate has more eggs: poached, Benedict, Florentine, Sunny-side up.What’s with all the eggs?I grimace and cover them back.It’s as if I found out I was pregnant and my gag reflex kicked into overdrive.
My phone rings and I see it’s Nick.
“Did you eat?”he asks.
“You just left.Gimme a break.”
“I left a while ago; you should be planning lunch by now.”
“Well, maybe if you didn’t go overboard with all this food I would have eaten by now.I can’t eat too much.Lately if my food has a strong odor and/or looks congealed or runny and slimy, I can’t eat it.It’s going to make me gag.”
“I’m sure there is one thing there you can eat.”
“Unfortunately, you’ve met all the criteria for me being nauseated on this table.”I lift another lid and close it back quickly.
“I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I ordered one of everything.Try to eat something.when I call you back you should be finished with breakfast.Do I have to send my assistant over there with something else to make sure you eat?”
“NO.”I know he would do it, too.
“Good, I’ll be tied up with work, but expect Karen to call you throughout the day.Remember to take your phone with you wherever you go.Talk to you later.”
“All right, bye.”I hang up and look at the smorgasbord of food in front of me with a wary eye.There must be something here I can eat.I don’t want another trip to the hospital.Nick would lock me in here with an around-the-clock nurse to force-feed me.I’m going to give it another try; I sniff around the plates to see if I can find one thing that doesn’t make me feel like I have a knot in my chest that makes me keep trying to swallow it down.I lift the lid off the plate in the middle of the table.“Yes.”It’s toast and fruit with yogurt, perfect!I eat as much as I can and make some calls.The first call I make is to the school, letting them know I’ll be out till Monday.The principal understands and tells me to take it easy.I tell her I will, but I’m not telling her I’m pregnant.She’ll want to know what’s in the air in that classroom.I’m starting to wonder myself.It’s fine forMrs.Smith to be pregnant, but I’m going to have to hide this pregnancy from them as long as I can.I wonder if I can make my body cooperate with me and not show till the last day of school—that would be great, though not likely.
I think about calling Ava but I can’t keep doing this to her.She’s going to think I’m purposely getting myself into these impossible situations to keep her from leaving New York.I don’t know what she’s going to say when I tell her I’m pregnant.I’m sure it’s going to be better than what my parents will say.Not to mention Kate, if she hated me before she’s going to want nothing to do with me ever again.I’m going to be enemy number one.
My life is moving right along from complicated to overwhelming chaos.My family finding out I slept with Nick was unbelievably painful; it put me on the outside looking in.I knew it would happen, but I hadn’t expected it to hit me as hard as it did when they turned their backs on me.I still haven’t spoken to my father or Jay, but I hear from my mother through Chris.She only says hello, and most of the time I think Chris tells me she said hi to make me feel better.
Deep in thought, I move my hands over my flat stomach.Nothing, I feel nothing.But you’re in there causing all sorts of trouble before you’re even born.“You’re just like your daddy, turning my world upside down, and like him, I’m not going to be able to do anything but love you.”I’m feeling a little tired and nauseated thanks to this bit of “nothing” and the knot on my head.We need some fresh air.I have to start thinking in terms of “we” now.I grab a blanket and a bottle of water and get in the elevator.
I open the door to the rooftop, and it’s the same except at night it shines.I crack open the sliding glass door to let in a little fresh air and lie back on the chaise with the covers pulled up around me.I love being surrounded by all these beautiful flowers; it’s a summer garden in winter.This was our place.I wonder if he’s been up here since the last time we were here together?Or with anyone else?He better not have.He said he wouldn’t bring another woman up here; this was our Garden of Eden.I know I shouldn’t be upset if he did, because I’m the one that told him it was over, but I would like to think this place means as much to him as it does to me.This was the place we made love, where he stole my heart and ruined me for any other man.That night I thought I would never have a greater love than the love I have for him.The rest of that weekend was much like a sunshine lemon blueberry cake with icing, sweet and a bit tart.
I fall asleep with that thought on my mind.That’s why I’m dreaming about cake and ice cream—I’m hungry.I wake up with Nick gently rubbing his hand up and down my hip, giving me another craving that has nothing to do with food.
“Why are you home?”I mumble, my eyelids still heavy with sleep.
“You didn’t answer your phone.I was worried about you, so I came home early.”
“I was only asleep for a few minutes.What time is it?”
“It’s after three.”
I sit up, surprised.“It can’t be!I’ve been sleeping for three hours?”
“Apparently so.Karen said she’s been calling you, and I was in court so I didn’t get her message that she couldn’t reach you.Where’s your phone?”
He strokes his hand up to my waist, I look down at his hand, and he pulls it back.I wish he didn’t.Being here with him, his hand on me, reminds me how I missed his touch.Stay wrong, don’t give in, I remind myself.“I forgot it on the couch.I felt kind of sick and needed some air, and I knew you wouldn’t want me walking around outside because I might step off the curb and faint from a whisper of wind.”
“Funny, smart-ass,” he mumbles with a slight smile.
“You didn’t have to leave work again for me.You should be at work, not worrying about me.I’m fine.”
“Don’t worry about me, I have work under control.”
“You should be worried about your cases, I’m sorry you had to come home for nothing.”
“Stop it,” he says, brushing some loose strands of my hair behind my ear.At the contact of his fingers against my skin, my eyes find his as gray as the sky.My hand touches his, and we freeze in time in our Garden of Eden, transported back to the night he made love to me in this exact spot, his pull ever present and increasingly hard for me to resist.I want him to kiss me, but he doesn’t, he pulls back and stands, backing up a few steps from me.“Did you eat?”
