5
JILLIAN
The week was busy. Lots of people coming and going. I avoided them all by staying up in my room or out in the barn helping muck stalls. Cow shit is disgusting—no joke—but shoveling it beat talking.
My phone died the second day here, and I didn’t recharge it. I miss Audrey and Isla. I miss Elan. I really miss Leo. This is such a horrible time for him to realize he was being a dick and that he wanted more with me. Right now, I don’t know if I’m capable.
Don’t get me wrong, I really like him—reallylike him, but I can’t pull myself or my thoughts away from my dad right now.
I wonder what’s going to happen to me. I hope Dad had plans in his will. I know he made arrangements for the farm, but where will I end up? I really don’t want it to be here—not long-term anyway. It’s not that I don’t like it here, it’s just thathereisn’t home anymore.
I did work it out with Headmaster Hollingsworth that I’d receive my assignments via email and send them in the same way. I’d take tests via video chat so they could make sure I didn’t cheat. I’m not a cheater, but if I’d had the freedom, I probably would have used my books to assist. So, I guess I am a cheater. Oops.
“You ‘bout done there, Jillie?”
I turn to look at the man who runs the show on this farm—Eddie Hugo. He’s not a big man, but he’s sturdy. He’s getting wrinkles, his hair and beard have started to gray the last few years, but he still acts like a teenager. Him and his silly jokes. They make me laugh every time—even through my grief.
“Just about. These cows sure do shit a lot,” I quip.
“Sure do. But they eat healthy and produce quality milk. I think we can put up with their stink for that, don’t you?” he asks.
I shrug. “I guess, but I wouldn’t want to do this every day for the rest of my life.”
“Naw, we rotate. We ain’t that mean ‘round here.” He pauses to put a piece of straw between his lips. “I got one for ya.” He winks.
“Let’s hear it.”
“Teacher says, ‘let’s try to pick an object that goes with the letter I call out. For instance, if I said A, you could say apple. Let’s begin’. The teacher sees Little Johnnie has had his hand up the entire time and when she reaches the letter U, she figures she’s pretty safe. I mean, what can a little kid do with that? ‘Okay Little Johnnie. U.’ Little Johnnie stands up, ‘U. Urinate, and if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.’”
“Your mama had to have been horrified when you were a child. I bet you told all kinds of inappropriate jokes back then too.”
He nods. “Sure did. I did my grandpappy proud.”
“He teach you all those ditties?”
“Every single one. My mama, rest her soul, wasn’t too happy ‘bout that, but seein’ my grandpappy’s grin kept her from scolding me too much.”
“A daddy’s girl?” I ask, and my breath hitches.
“A bit like you. I’m awful sorry, Jillie. The Colonel was a good man, a fair man. He was brave and fought for this country. If he had to go, I think this is the way he’d want to go out,” he says, putting his arm around me.
I sniffle. “Doesn’t make it any easier.”
“No. I s’pose not. You should go on up to the house. This isn’t work you should be doing.”
“It keeps the ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ to a minimum. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve been here since Sunday, and I can’t count how many people have said that same line.” I sigh. “It’s not just loss.” It’s devastation and heartbreak and loneliness and fear.
“I understand. You could do an easier job than muckin’.”
“I could, but it wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying. It tires my body and interacting with the animals occupies my mind. It’s what I need right now,” I admit.
“Then carry on. Just let me know if those gloves aren’t enough protection. I don’t want ya gettin’ blisters, my girl,” Eddie tells me. He gives me a one-armed hug. “You need anythin’, you just ask.”
“I will. Thanks, Eddie.”
He winks and walks away, and I go back to mucking the cow shit. Two days to the funeral, and I’m not ready. I did write the eulogy. That was easy enough to do. But presenting it, saying it out loud is another thing entirely.
“Hi Jillie.”
