He flinches, shock evident. “A break? No. I don’t want a break.”
“Xander.”
“No. I don’t want a break. I don’tneeda break. All I need isyou,” he pleads.
“If that were true, Xander, we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in right now.”
He recoils as if I’d slapped him. I don’t blame him. It was harsh—deliberately so. I need to push him away. I need him to golive. I’m too broken. Everything about me is broken.
“You don’t mean this. You’re just upset.”
“No, Xan. I mean every word. We need a break.”
“Who are you right now?” he asks.
“I’m Tera. I’m just showing you the broken parts I usually hide. These broken parts are all I have left. I’m not whole, and I don’t think I ever will be again. You deserveeverythingthis life can give you,” I tell him as I hold both of his hands in mine.
He’s shaking his head in denial.
“No. Tera, don’t do this. I don’t want this.”
I sigh inwardly and bite the inside of my cheek so I don’t sob. This is going to hurt so badly.
“Did you ever stop to think about whatIwant?”
Xander just looks at me, his eyes filled with despair, anguish. “You want this?”
I have never lied to him. I hate that I’m going to right now.
“I think it’s best. You can go live your life and I’ll live mine,” I tell him, my voice hollow, even to my own ears.
“You want to see other people, you mean,” he says, his lip curling a bit.
“Maybe. If that’s what life brings. We were too young to know what we were doing, too young to realize that life was larger than we were and it had other plans than the ones we made.”
“You don’t mean this,” he says, getting up to pace. “I know you don’t. You can’t.”
I take a deep breath, look him square in the eyes, and lie. I lie my ass off. For him.
“But I do. I think we settled too young in life for what we thought was right for—”
“Settled?Yousettledfor me?” he bites out.
I shrug a shoulder. “I don’t know.”
He drops his head and breathes deeply though his mouth—his nose still too swollen to breathe through. When he raises his head, the look in his eyes isn’t a kind one.
“Yousettledforme. Is that right? I gotta tell you, Tera. I didn’t see this one coming.”
There he is. The pissed off Xander. The Xander who will make this easier for me—for us. I love him with everything inside of me, but this man deserves everything his life has to offer—not some broken reject who can’t even give him children. No. He deserves everything.
“Settled,” he chuckles, and I wait for it. Oh, this is going to hurt so much. He won’t mean it, but I pushed.
He leans in so his face is right in mine. “I’m the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to you, Tera Louise Ramirez Mackenzie. Settled. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m a catch, baby. I’m a fucking rockstar! I could have as many women as I want every night of the week. Settled. Give me a fucking break.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Oh yeah? Do tell.”
