Chapter Ten
Tera
I've criedevery day since they left. I give myself only ten minutes to purge my sadness, no more, and only once a day.
I cry in private where no one else can see.
I do this so when Xander asks others about me, they don't tell him I've been crying because I miss him.
I do this so I don't do it while I'm talking with this boy I've loved forever.
I don't just miss Xander, though I do miss him the most. I also miss the guys and my brother. The rowdy boys who filled the house full of chaos and laughter.
When I'm done crying, I carry on. I go to school and then I paint. I paint and paint and paint, working on this piece for the competition. It's vibrant and bright. Mrs. Stark says it's brilliant.
But this one that I'm working on at home? It's about music, with a large black vinyl record in the middle, random music notes, random colors, lots of red and black and gray. For me, this is dark. I'm normally one to use bright, vibrant colors. But this one is for Falling Down. Their colors are red and black. White and grey fill in the rest for me. I'm considering adding a huge line of hot pink down the middle.
I smirk.
But no. I form the letters, making them abstract and gritty. I wonder what they'll think of this when they see it.
There's a knock at the studio door—well, it's a room, really. Dr. Mac set up the sunroom for me to paint in. The room is all glass windows and beauty.
I turn, setting down my brush and palette, using the cloth I have nearby to wipe my fingers.
"Hi, Dr. Mac," I greet with a smile. No matter how I'm feeling, he makes me smile because, to me, he's one of the best men I know.
"Tera. I just wanted to pop in and see how things are coming along. I missed you at dinner," he informs me.
He's been coming home earlier so he can eat with me. I told him that's not necessary, but he insisted. So, Mrs. M moved suppertime from five-thirty to six-thirty and we now eat as a family. It's so different. It's polite and quiet. No swears or rude comments. No belching.
Just me, Dr. Mac, and Mr. and Mrs. Martinez. They've been trying to get me to call them by their first names, but it doesn't seem right. When I take the plunge, I'll call them Mom and Dad.
"Wow," he exclaims when he sees what I'm working on. "That's fantastic, Tera."
"Thanks. I'm almost finished."
He nods, hands in his pockets as he stares at the canvas.
"Are you going to give them this?"
"I don't know," I reply, shrugging a shoulder. And I don't. I didn’t do this for them. I did it for me.
"They'd love it. I think they'd take the lettering and work it into their logo. It's much better than the boring graphic they've got now."
"Hmm. Maybe. Maybe I'll draw a logo and see what they think. This… this was just me getting it all out on the canvas."
He nods again.
"I've been considering painting a hot pink line down the middle, maybe a lightning bolt," I snicker.
"Hot pink?" Dr. Mac chuckles. "That's one way to take out your aggression."
I laugh. "It's not really aggression. It's… in some ways I think the success of the band will replace me in Xander's life. In some ways it already has, but what I fear the most is he finds more happiness making music and touring than he has with me."
"Is that why you said no?"
"Partly. Mostly because I want to see what happens with three months apart. It's been three weeks. Ididget to go see him for the weekend, most of which he was busy, but I got to see what them being on tour is all about and everything they go through and deal with at each show. It'sa lot. They may not set up and break down, but they need to practice a lot, get the sound just right. Linc works his magic with the board, but he said some of the acoustics are shit, and the outdoor venues they have to just go with a standard setting."
