"The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt you."
"I know, Tera. You're made of the good stuff which is why this sucks so bad." He turns to face me. "When I said 'I love you', every single time, I really meant that. I fell for you hard."
A tear slips free and he wipes it with the pad of his thumb.
"Don't cry. I'll be okay. It'll take me awhile, so I hope you understand I'm going to need some space. I may forget and text or call you."
"You can call or text anytime. If you need me, I'm here, Carter. You weren't just my boyfriend, you're my best friend." We told each other everything with brutal honesty and heartfelt sincerity.
"Don't let Shea hear you say that. She'll cut me into pieces and feed me to the pigs," he teases.
"What pigs?" I ask with a laugh.
"Who knows, but you know that girl would find some."
"She totally would," I agree. "I want you to continue to smile, Carter. There's a girl out there waiting to love you."
He gets sad. "I thought she was you."
Now I really start to cry. "Oh, Carter." I drop my books to the floor and reach for him. We hold each other through the warning bell and through the bell signaling class has started. We're still holding one another when Mr. Perkins walks into the room. He looks at us, then just keeps walking into the room. He doesn't ask or intrude. He knows.
When the next bell rings, we pull back and look at one another.
"I want us to be able to be friends, Carter. I can't imagine you not in my life."
He nods. "I just need a little time."
"Okay."
"Just do me one favor?"
"Anything."
"Please don't do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing in front of me. Not yet. I don't think I could handle that, Tera."
"I understand."
"You've got my heart, Tera. If you change your mind, I'm still here."
I smile sadly at him. "I won't."
He smiles sadly back. "I didn't think so, but it was worth a shot."
We hug one more time.
"I do love you," I whisper.
"I love you, too. I'll always love you," he replies. Then he kisses my forehead and walks away.
I watch him go, my heart hurting. He was the one I shared a lot of my firsts with and I'll remember that always.
"Are you all right, Miss Ramirez?" Mr. Perkins asks.
I nod. "I will be."
"Break ups are never easy."
"No. They certainly aren't."
