"No. No. An open marriage implies it's okay for you to fuck the same person more than once or let it mean something. That's not okay. Just the physical act. Just a fuck," I answer, digging my nails into my forearm to stop myself from crying.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I love you more than any of that. Because you're a man and you have needs. I heard Ben talking about how amped up you are when you come off that stage, how fucking someone gives you the release you need to come down from that adrenaline high. I don't want you to suffer in any way, shape, or form. I love you more than any of this, Xander."
I sob into the pillow as I wait for him to speak.
"I don't think I can do that, Tera."
"Just know that if you need to, it's okay. Oh, one more rule. I never want to know about it. Ever."
He chuckles and it's such a sad sound.
"So, condom. No one that matters—just a fuck. Keep it quiet. I don't want to see you in the tabloids like that. I don't think… It just wouldn't be okay. I don't ever want to know about it," I say again.
"I heard the rules the first time, T. I don't understand any of this. I fucking love you so much. I don't need other women. I've got my hand until you're ready, no matter how long it takes. I don't care. You hear me? I don't care. I'll wait forever for you," he says.
"I hear you. I love you more than anything, Xander."
"I love you, too, baby. So fucking much." I hear someone call for him. "Fuck. I gotta go. Another appearance."
"Go do me proud, baby," I encourage.
"Always. Anything for you. I'll talk to you soon, baby. Feel me love you from here," he tells me.
"Feel me loving you back."
I hang up and then I crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep.
