"Youhaveto do this. You need to. This isn't just on you. It's on Jesse, Ben, Ethan, and Kennedy as well. I can be here for Tera and you can be there for them. This isn't easy on them either. They wanted two more weeks. And then they'd want another two. I'll make sure she's okay, man. I promise you," Linc tells him.
Xan looks at me, tears running down his cheeks. He drops to his knees in front of where I'm sitting in the chair, wraps his arms around my waist, and buries his face in my stomach.
I run my fingers through his hair, soothing him as he struggles. I don't want him to feel guilty. I can't live with that, just as I couldn't live with him giving everything up for me.
"Xander," I say softly. He doesn't look up, but I know he's listening. "I need you to do something for me. I need you to leave."
His head jerks up. His eyes are such a vivid blue. It's so easy to get lost in them. So easy.
"Linc, can you give us a minute?"
He nods and leaves the room.
"What are you doing, Tera?" Xan asks.
"What needs to be done. I'm notmeright now, Xander. The way you're touching me right now is my limit. Anything more than that and I'll freak the fuck out. I need to heal my body some more, but most of all I need to heal my mind and that's going to take me a long time," I admit.
His brow furrows. "You don't want me here?"
"I didn't say that. I'm telling you you need to fulfill your obligations. You won't miss anything here—".
"I'll missyou," he interrupts.
"I'll miss you so much, Xan. God, I love you so much. More now than ever. You're my husband, the love of my life, and I'd be a really selfish person if I allowed you to throw away your career to sit here and do nothing while I paint, go to physical therapy, go see my shrink, and figure out how to heal. This part I need to do on my own. Even you can't do this for me, baby," I tell him gently.
He nods. "I know. I wish I could fix it all. I wish I'd been there. None of this would've happened."
"Stop that right now," I tell him as tears fall from my eyes. "You did nothing wrong.Nothing. Don't you dare feel guilty over this. Don't give them that. Don't give themanything."
"It's not that easy," he tells me with a watery smile.
"I know, baby. I know. This isn't easy for me to do. You've been my rock, but I don't want you to be my crutch. I know you're a phone call or a flight away. I promise you, if something happens, if I just need to talk to you to get me through a hard time, I will call you immediately, no matter the time. I'll interrupt you during a show. Ipromise." This is what he's asked of me. It's the least I can do for the man who owns my heart and soul, the man who's looked out for me for the last eight weeks without so much as a complaint.
He lets out a sigh of frustration. "I don't want to do this."
"I know. But you have to."
He looks into my eyes and I feel him searching for something—the truth. I let him see it. I let him see that I need him to do this not only for himself and his career, but for me as well. He can't miss out on something so amazing because he wants to sit here and make sure I'm okay. I can't allow him to do that. At some point he'd realize what he gave up and he'd resent me, especially if my career takes off. I couldn't live with that.
"For you, my wife, I'll do anything," he says softly. "I'll come home as often as I can."
"I know. That's perfect. I need you to play your ass off for me. I need you to enjoy this, Xander, because it's the beginning of the rest of your life. We've already got our beginning, let's just add this to that, okay?" I ask.
"I love you so much, Tera Mackenzie. I can't live without you," he tells me before kissing me so slowly and tenderly it's as if he's making love to me with his mouth.
"You'll never have to live without me, Xander. You're my husband and I'm the old ball and chain," I tease.
He smirks a little. "You'll never be that. You'll always be my heart."
"As you are mine."
He kisses me again until we're interrupted by his phone. He looks at it. It's Jesse.
"You need to get going, Xan. This is no different than the last time we were apart," I explain. "While you're out there, Xander, I want you to forgive yourself. Nothing was your fault. You were doing the right thing. I would have never been okay with you risking your career for that night."
"I'd give up everything for you and never regret it for a minute."
He means it. He really does. But time has a way of changing things, turning things around and, sometimes, making them ugly.
