"Yes." I need to know.
"You sustained extensive trauma. You underwent multiple surgeries, and then we put you in a medically-induced coma to help your body and brain heal."
"Brain?" It comes out sounding like bwain.
"You had a brain bleed and swelling. We needed to remove a piece of your skull to allow the brain room for the swelling. Once the swelling went down, we replaced the piece of skull. I'm sorry to say, you have a bald spot in all that pretty hair," he informs me softly.
Brain swelling. Brain bleeding. Tube in throat to breathe for me. Coma.
"More?"
He pauses.
"What?" I ask, harsher this time. My voice is a little stronger.
Dr. Levine stares at me and I harden my gaze. He's going to tell me.
"Tell her," Xander tells him. Xan scoots his chair closer to the bed, lowering the rail between us. He touches my hand gently. "I'm here."
I nod.
And then Dr. Levine tells me. He tells me everything. I start to shake. Fear filling my body, my veins. My monitor starts beeping. I hear it beeping faster and louder. They tell me to breathe and calm down. I can't.
The nurse injecting something into my IV is the last thing I remember.
* * *
Carter visitsand so does Shea. I can hardly stand for them to look at me. I'm… tainted. I sleep as much as I can. Every time I wake up and feel the pain, I press the pain medication button. The pain goes away and so do the memories.
* * *
Two weekslater and they start to wean the pain meds off. The bandage is off my face, but I don't want to see what I look like. I don't care. It doesn't matter. I'm so dirty. So unclean.
They caught the group and they all pled guilty. There was no way they wouldn't. The evidence was damning. Detective Jennings asked if I wanted to give a victim impact statement. I wrote on the dry erase board to just show the judge the photos. Tell him all the surgeries and injuries I had. Let that speak for itself.
Xander's been here all day every day. I love him for it. I do. But I want to be alone. I don't want to be around anyone. I just want to sleep. When I sleep I don't think about what happened. I've had some nightmares and wouldn't go to sleep after that. That's when they started giving me sleeping pills. Since then, it's been nothing but dreamless sleep. I welcome the dark void.
"They want to remove the wires tomorrow," Linc tells me.
I just look at him. He's lost so much weight worrying about me. He needs to stop. I'll be okay. I just need time. I need time for my body to heal. Then I'll deal with my mind and emotions.
"You'll get to talk," he continues.
I just close my eyes and pretend to sleep until I finally drift off for real.
***
Two more weeks and my casts come off. I have to have physical therapy, of course. I can't wiggle my toes. They say I should be able to in time. Everything is "in time”. I'm beginning to fucking hate that phrase.
Mr. DiMora and Angelina have been in contact with Xander. They said not to worry, they're still interested in my work and to take as much time as I need. At least there's that.
"Hey, baby," Xan greets as he walks in.
"Hey." I can't help but smile at him. He's so beautiful inside and out. He's been my rock these last six weeks, even when I was a total bitch to him. He doesn't deserve that.
"You ready to blow this pop stand?" he asks.
I nod. "I am so ready."
