Mimi: In the past, I was all about the $$$ because my stupid lizard brain associated growing up broke AF with danger
404: Makes sense
Mimi: So all this time, I’ve been working my ass off to make premium dollar in a city where even the rats can’t afford to pay the rent because I thought money would ultimately lead to happiness
404: But then Baron Buttcheeks the Smelly happened
Mimin: I’m dying
Mimi: but yes
Mimi: Then Baron Buttcheeks the Smelly happened, and so did Whitcroft, and all the other miserable human beings I work with
Mimi: keyword: miserable
404: money *is* the root of all evil
Mimi: Fuck, I wish you would’ve told me that ten years ago
Mimi: anyway
Mimi: I was making all this money and, surprise surprise, attracting the kind of person who could recite the last four digits of my credit card, but who’d never bother to learn my last name
404: I mean, it is a Bigg commitment
Mimi: TO CUT TO THE POINT, I met my boyfriend on vacation, where he had no idea who I was, or what I did for a living, or that my wallet’s as fat as my dick
404: poor wallet
Mimi: hahah! Are you a professional comedian?
404: No
Mimi: You should probably keep it that way
404: Diss deserved and accepted. Continue
Mimi: We’ve got some scary life things coming up. Like, big scary. And you know what I was worried about the most?
Mimi: Fucking money
Mimi: I have a retirement fund that would make Warren Buffett weep, investments like you wouldn’t believe, a six-month NYC safety net, cushy savings, and a condo with a bedroom in Manhattan and somehow I was still scared shitless that what I had wouldn’t be enough
404: Shit’s fucked up
Mimi: Super fucked
404: So super fucked it comes with its own sidekick: fuck boy
Mimi: It’s fuck boi, but anyway
Mimi: Tonight I realized that something has to change, and that the only way it’s going to happen is if I get off my ass and do something about it
Mimi: So, while I’m pissing myself in fear over what this means in the long term, I’ve come up with a plan
Mimi: A plan for revenge
Mimi: And I need your help to make it work
