“You’re welcome, Iguess.”
All he had to do now was make sure Alex knew that he was sorry for what had happened and hope that they could repair the damage done to their young relationship. Laurence wanted to see himagain.
16
Alex
This time,Alex didn’t text. He knocked three times on Gage’s door and waited for him to answer. Bo’s warbling, inconsolable wails penetrated the thin walls. If anyone else was home, they had to be sick to death of listening to himscream.
Alex pushed air through his teeth and did his best to settle down. He’d need patience for what was to come. Gage and Bo deserved him at hisbest.
At last, the metal slide on the door jangled. The lock clicked. The door opened. Gage, tense from head to foot, stood in the doorway. Bo was cradled against his chest,screaming.
“I don’t know what to do.” Gage cradled Bo’s head and rocked him slowly in his arms. He looked tired and defeated, like he’d spent all day climbing a mountain only to discover that the peak he was looking for wasn’t the one he’d reached. Red, puffy eyes betrayed the fact that he’d been crying. Alex was glad to see that since they’d last spoken, Gage had managed to pull himself together. Bo was already sick and scared enough as it was without his dad in hysterics. “He won’t stop crying no matter what I do, he won’t settle down to sleep, he won’t… he won’t do anything. And he sounds like he’s suffering. The way that he breathes, the way he’s clinging to me and won’t letgo…”
“He’s been sick for a few months now, on and off, hasn’t he?” Alex didn’t wait for an invitation—he stepped through the door and took Bo from Gage’s arms. Bo screamed louder, then saw who it was and buried his head against Alex’s chest and clutched his shirt in his small hands. “Have you taken him to see a doctoryet?”
Tears welled in Gage’s eyes. “I can’t affordto.”
“There are sliding scale clinics,” Alex said, speaking firmly, but not unkindly. He knew that Gage was at his wit’s end, but there had to be something he could do. Not all doctors accepted sliding scale patients, but if Gage was willing to search, he had to be able to find one. “They’ll understand that you’re not bringing in a lot ofmoney.”
“You don’t ever listen to me, do you?” Gage brushed his tears away with his arm. His shoulders trembled. “Every penny that I make goes toward paying rent, utilities, or groceries, and Istillhave to come for you for handouts. I’m working my ass off trying to be there for Bo, doing things Ihateso that I can make sure my baby doesn’t have to sleep on the streets, and I still can’t make this work. I still can’t pull myself above the surface. If I took Bo to a doctor, it would mean that I wouldn’t be able to eat for a few weeks. And I’d do it, Alex—I’d goddamn do it if it meant that he would get better—but I already only eat once a day, and I’m so hungry. I’mso hungry.” Tears slid down Gage’s cheeks. He crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head to the side, looking embarrassed. “I don’t want to Bo to suffer, but I don’t know what to do. If I eat less than I already am, I’ll die, or I’ll get so weak that I can’t work anymore. I’m already too skinny for a lot of them. People are making comments,and—”
“No. No, stop. Stop right now.” Alex cradled the back of Bo’s head. Wetness soaked through his shirt—tears and things he didn’t want to think about. Bo was still screaming, his fists so tight that Alex was certain he was going to hurt himself. “You have options, Gage. There are things you can do. You can tell your family aboutBo—”
“No.” The color drained from Gage’s face. “Ican’t.”
“You can tell your family about Bo,” Alex repeated. Hostility started to build in his tone, and he couldn’t hold it back. “Your parents live a comfortable life, and I know what kind of people they are—they’d let you go back home and live with them while you raise Bo. They’d feed you. They’d clothe you. They’d spoil Borotten.”
“I don’t want to ruin Aaron’s life,” Gage whispered. He wouldn’t look atAlex.
“And that’s another thing.” Alex rocked Bo back and forth, trying to get him to calm down. “You could tell Aaron. Aaron’s family has enough money to take care of you, him, and Bo without any of you having to work a day in your lives.Tell him.Let him step up and take care of what’s his. Let him take care ofyou.”
“I don’t want him to hate me.” Gage looked smaller than he had been before, like he was so timid and frightened that even his atoms were crowding together, looking for comfort. “All I ever wanted to do was make him happy, and if he found out that he has a baby, he’s… nothing he planned for himself would happen. All of his dreams would be over. I love him. I don’t want to do that to him. I never want him to feel like I stole hisfuture.”
Alex squeezed his eyes shut and held his tongue. Gage had a big heart, and his feelings all too often got in the way ofrecourse.
“Then here’s your third option,” Alex said. “Let me pay to take him to a doctor. Let me get you groceries. Letmehelp.”
“I can’t.” Gage hiccupped. His wordswarbled.
“Why?”
“Because not too long ago, you couldn’t afford to eat, either.” Gage found the courage to meet Alex’s gaze. Tears shimmered in his eyes. “You saved yourself. How can I ask you to help me when you only just managed to help yourself? I couldn’t take that fromyou.”
“My situation is different. I was able to ask my mom for help when I couldn’t afford food. You… you’re in this deeper than I was, Gage. You’re keeping up lie after lie, and if I’m the only one you’ve let see the truth, then I’m the only one who can help you. It doesn’t matter where I was last year, or how much I’m making now. If I offer you help, it’s because I’m prepared to go through with it. I’m not putting on a performance. Let me take him to the doctor. Let me put food in your fridge when you’re hungry. Just… don’t suffer in silence!” Alex rested his chin on top of Bo’s head. “I suffered in silence for two years and you saw what it did to me. You saw how far I slipped, and how miserable I became. And you know what happened that made me finally claw my way out of the depth I’d fallen to. Don’t let that happen to you. I don’t want that to be where you end upnext.”
Gage said nothing. He lowered his head and looked awayagain.
“Here’s what we’re going to do.” Alex stepped forward, and he was startled to see Gage shrink back like he expected to be hit. “Gage?”
“I don’t want you to be angry with me, either,” Gage whispered. “I’m sorry I’m causing you problems, Alex. I’m sorry I can’t deal with this on my own. I should have beenstronger.”
“No—stop. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I’m not angry at you. I’m angry that you’d rather hide the truth in order to save another man’s future over your own, but I can get over that. Neither of us are innocent when it comes to bad choices, are we?” Alex took his wallet from his pocket. He didn’t try to come any closer to Gage. He knew what it felt like to be cornered and afraid. “I’m going to give you my credit card. It’s almost paid off. You’re going to take the card to whatever store you’d like, and you’re going to buy groceries. If you need to, you’re going to pay to have them delivered. When you’re done, you’d better have more than bread, eggs, and ramen to eat. Do youunderstand?”
Gage said nothing. He cried insilence.
“While you’re gone, I’m going to do my best to get Bo settled. Have you given him anything atall?”
