“If you want to go to college, we’ll figure out how to make it work.” Laurence backed out of their parking spot and make his way to the street. He took it slow. “If you want to go to vocational school, we’ll make it work, too. We’re not going to let this stopyou.”
There was a long pause. Then, cautiously, Matthew spoke again. “Dad?”
“Yes?”
“Did Mom… did Mom leave you, too, like Jason leftme?”
Laurence glanced at Matthew from the corner of his eye. His throat clenched. “Sort of. It was a little more complicated than what you’re going through, but in the end, it amounts to the same thing. Sheleft.”
“And you kept me,” Matthew murmured. “She let you keep me, even though she was the one carrying me. Did she ever think about… youknow?”
“No,” Laurence lied. “Never.”
“I just wonder what it was that made her leave… what made Jason leave. I don’t getit.”
“There are some things in life that you’re not meant to understand.” Laurence kept his eyes on the road and did his best to keep his tone level. Even all these years later, it was difficult to think of the mistakes he’d made. “I think your mother is a very career-oriented person, and she felt pressured into giving me what Iwanted.”
“You wanted me?” Matthew asked. Laurence saw movement in his peripheral vision—Matthew had turned in his seat to look at him. “You were the one who wanted to have ababy?”
“Yeah.” A small smile lifted the corners of his lips. “And I guess your mom figured out she wasn’t ready after the fact, when it was already too late. I don’t blame her for that. We weren’t as young as you, but we were both just out of college, and we had professional ambitions. I should have put the pieces together and figured out that her heart wasn’t in it, but she said yes, so… it happened. And I wouldn’t change you for theworld.”
“You made me happy, growing up, even though sometimes I was a terror.” Matthew adjusted the way he sat so he looked forward again. “And you did that on your own. You were alwaysthere.”
“There will be moments when you doubt yourself.” Laurence brought the car to a stop at the next red light, blinker on, waiting to turn onto the entrance for the highway. “Having a baby is emotional, and it will make you doubt everything you’ve ever thought about yourself… but there’s a lot of joy and pride in it, too. Being a parent isn’t like anything else in the world, and being a single parent takes that experience and dials it up toeleven.”
“I’m ready,” Matthew said, then laughed. “Actually, no, I’m not. I’m really not. But I feel like I have no choice but to be ready, so I’m going to work with what I’ve got. It’ll be like skipping class all semester, then showing up for the final exam without even knowing the teacher’s name. I’m going to give it mybest.”
“And you’ll have me peeking over your shoulder, whispering answers in your ear, if that’s what you want.” The light turned green. Laurence followed the curve of the road and merged onto thehighway.
For a while, the only noise was the rushing of wind past the window and the hum of the engine. Then, hesitantly, Matthew spoke. “I’m sorry about what Mom did, Dad. I never really thought about it before. It must have been really tough to have raised me by yourself after she left, while you balanced finding a job and having a life and all that stuff. Thank you for not giving up onme.”
“Giving up on you?” Laurence smiled. “Matthew, I could never give up on you. You were the one I wanted, and you were the one I got. No matter what happened, I promised myself that I would never turn my back on you. Giving up wasn’t anoption.”
“I wish more men thought like that.” Matthew sighed and plopped back into the seat. “Jason was a jerk and disappeared. Mom disappeared, too. You never found another girlfriend, or boyfriend, I guess… but maybe you were just sneaky about it? I mean, I walked in on you two Fridays ago,so…”
Alex. Laurence’s chest tightened. “When you’re a dad, your priorities get switched around. Romance comes second place to making sure that your family is cared for… but that doesn’t mean it has to fall off your radarentirely.”
If he was going to do right by Matthew, he had to make sure Matthew knew that having a baby didn’t mean ending his social life. Laurence had allowed himself to fall into that trap, and even though he may not have seen it at the time, he’d damaged himself by doing it. He would not have his son injured in the same way. Together, they’d discover what normal meant when raising a childalone.
“So what I’m hearing is, you’ve been having secret relationships without me finding out.” Matthew gagged. “Gross. I was sleeping in the room across the hall from you, youknow.”
Laurence shrugged. He tried to chase back a grin, but failed. “When you have a kid, there’s no such thing as an empty house. You’ve got to make do with what youhave.”
“Oh my god. I’m going to puke.” Matthew clawed at his face. “So gross. I’m going to pretend that I never heardthat.”
“I guess I don’t have to sneak around anymore.” Laurence kept his eyes on the road, but he watched Matthew as best he could from his peripheral vision, looking for his reaction. He’d never brought home a lover while Matthew was growing up, but teasing him was worth the white lie. “If I bring my partner home, would it botheryou?”
“If you’re going to do him in the kitchen, then yes.” Matthew cringed. “You’re only allowed to do that stuff in your room, okay, Dad? Because that’sgross.”
“You didn’t answer myquestion.”
“I mean… I guess what I meant to say is, it’s okay if you want to bring someone home if that’s what you really want.” Matthew shrugged. “It’s your life, and it’s your house. I can’t really stopyou.”
“I want to make sure you’recomfortable.”
Matthew snickered. “Dad? No offense, but that’sstupid.You live your life, okay? If you want to bring home your boyfriend or whatever, just do it. But don’t try to make me be friends with him. If I like him, then I like him. That’sall.”
“Sounds fair.” Some of the tension in Laurence’s chest released. Hope swelled inside of him, pushing away his negative feelings. “Thanks,kiddo.”
