Half a year had evaporated faster than a drop of water on a hot frying pan. During the hard times, when Gabriel had done everything he could to win Garrison’s favor, time had come to a standstill, and six months had stretched into infinity. Not so anymore. Hours passed like seconds, and days like hours. Even the days when Sir was unable to attend their afternoon sessions didn’t drag out—Gabriel was kept sane by the knowledge that soon, they’d be reunited, and that if he waited patiently, Sir wouldrewardhim.
Most days, Sir picked Gabriel up from the penthouse after waking up. Sir’s new position in Sterling’s club meant that their sleep schedules didn’t match, but Gabriel took comfort in knowing that one day, when he was a little better, Sir would take him homeforgood.
One day, because Gabriel knew that he wasn’t ready yet. Not now. The instability in his core was still too prominent, and his destructive thoughts still sometimes refused to leave him alone. When he was ready, he would give himself to Sir—but it was his choice to make, and he didn’t mistake it. No matter what anyone else wanted, whether it was Adrian, or Sterling, or Sir himself, Gabriel would notgivein.
Before he could let himself live with anyone else, he had to learn to live withhimself.
“I want to take you to dinner on Monday night,” Sir announced. He took Gabriel’s hand, and Gabriel followed him from the bathroom. “There’s a restaurant not far from The Shepherd I’ve been meaning to try that Sterling’s recommended. Would you prefer to wear your blue tie, or your gray tie withyoursuit?”
A decision. It was small, but sometimes, even the smallest choices left him paralyzed. Gabriel bit down on his lip and quashed the voice inside that panicked about making the wrong choice. Sir had never punished him for making a choice before—in fact, Gabriel was pretty sure there neverwasa wrong option. The purpose of Sir’s questions wasn’t to get him into trouble. Sir was never crueltohim.
Never.
What he did, he didwithlove.
I want to see you grow, Gabriel. When I give you pain, I don’t do it out of anger, but out of love. I want you to understand the difference. There is so much more potential in you, but if you aren’t corrected and set on the right path, you’ll neverknowit.
“Gabriel?” Sir asked again, the question firmer. “Blueorgray?”
“Blue.” Blue, because Sir had mentioned before how the color brought out his eyes, and Gabriel wanted nothing more than to look good for him. “Thankyou,Sir.”
“You’re welcome.” They exited the bathroom, but they did not head to the living room like Gabriel anticipated. Instead, Cedric brought Gabriel to a door down the hallway that Gabriel had always assumed led to a closet. “Today, I want to offer you the chance to do something out of the ordinary. Are youinterested?”
“Yes.” Gabriel studied the door. There was nothing special about it. The color was plain, and the doorknob was simple and unremarkable. The bottom of the door was chipped, revealing the light-colored wood pulpinside.
Sir turned the handle and opened the door. Inside was a small, dark, windowless room. It was little bigger than a closet. Dark, blobby shapes in the distance suggested that it was used for storage. Sir pulled a metal ball chain dangling overhead, and a satisfyingclick-clickwoke the light the chain was attached to. Gabriel blinked twice to allow his eyes to adjust to the change in lighting, but even when his eyes focused, he wasn’t sure what he waslookingat.
At the very back of the room, positioned on a shelf high enough from the ground that it could be used as a table, was what appeared to be a microwave without a window panel. It was reinforced with matte white plastic siding and had buttons neatly assembled on the right-hand side. Six of those buttons were circular, two were triangular—one pointing up and one pointing down—and two were rectangular and color coded in green and red. Start and stop. Gabriel squinted at it, but no matter how hard he looked, he couldn’t figure it out. If it really was a microwave, shouldn’t there have been nine roundbuttons?
“Sir?”
“It’s okay, Gabriel.” Sir stepped into the room. There were shelves to the left and the right as well, some stacked with linens, others holding boxes marked with post-it notes in Sir’s sensible handwriting. Gabriel supposed it was a storage room, although the ample space at the back and the strange microwave led him to believe the room had other purposes. “I’ve been holding on to all of this for a little too long, and I decided that maybe it was time to see if I could put it to useagain.”
“I’m sorry, Sir.” Gabriel followed Sir into the room. “I’m not sure whatthisis.”
“This?” Sir gestured to the not-a-microwave. “This is anautoclave.”
Gabriel made no comment and did his best to decipher what an autoclave was by examining it in closer detail. The round buttons weren’t numbered—they bore symbols andwords.
Optional cycle. Liquids.Wrapped…
He had no clue what he waslookingat.
Sir twisted open a lock on the front of the door, then lifted the handle in a deliberate way. The machine gave, and the door opened. Inside, to Gabriel’s surprise, was a round metal compartment with perforated metal shelves. The chamber was round, and reminded him of a tiny washing machine. On the inside, sitting on one of the perforated shelves, were flat plastic coverings that Gabriel only knew from the doctor’s office—the kind that kept a doctor’s toolssterile.
“Sir?” Gabriel asked again, more uncertain than ever. “What is allofthat?”
Sir turned to look at him, kindness in his eyes. Gabriel took it into himself and breathed out slowly. What might have been panic dulled tonothingness.
“Once upon a time,” Sir said, “I asked you what you thought of bodymodification.”
The conversation in their first car ride together. The memories of Sir, nude, his tattoos vibrant and the shiny barbells through his nipples glinting beneath his bedroomlight…
“When I asked you the first time, you didn’t seem overly interested, but I thought that after our time together, that may havechanged.”
The snakebite piercings beneath Sir’s lip, and the impressive geometric patterns that decoratedhisarm…
Sir pulled a stool out from beneath the shelf the autoclave rested on and sat. Gabriel didn’t approach. He assessed the situation and tried to figure out what wasgoingon.
