“When I was younger, the woman I shared my life with was the one who tattooed me. I’ve told you that before.” Sitting on the stool like he was, there was something about Sir that made it hard to look away. The casual nature of his posture was breathtaking, and paired with the way he clasped his hands between his legs, the stunning color of his tattoo sleeve vibrant against his pale skin, he looked so good Gabriel wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming. “But she did more than that. While I was with her, she taught me about what body modification is all about—the ins and the outs of the industry, how to pierce skin, and how tolayink.”
Gabriel’s gaze swept back to the autoclave and all the carefully laid wrapping insideofit.
“I thought that I’d make a career out of it—work in her shop and serve beneath her.” Sir glanced down for only a second, but Gabriel’s heart skipped a beat regardless. He saw the hurt inside Sir, and it made him want to push himself into Sir’s arms and do anything he could to make him forget his pain. “I was good at it. For a month or two, I apprenticed beneath her. I performed piercings while she watched from the side, and I observed as she made art from ink and skin. But when she died, that part of me died, too. I inherited her tools, but I couldn’t ever bring myself tousethem.”
“Sir?” Gabriel asked, breathless. A tingling sensation ran down his spine, not unpleasant, but certainly not typical. Anticipation built. If Sir was telling him allthis,then…
“Healing is a complicated process.” Sir threaded his fingers together, his thumbs resting against one another, pointed at the floor. “I don’t think it’s the same for any one person, and I know that for me, it was a long and difficult journey… but I think, six months ago, that journey came toanend.”
Gabriel’s pulse thudded in his throat, and his body wanted to respond, but his feet were glued to the floor. In times like these, when the tension built in his chest and static-like anticipation raced down his spine, he was used to running. The feeling needed to get out somehow, and Gabriel knew no other way to express himself. Strong, confrontational emotions weren’t encouraged. Garrison had taught him to be pleasant at all times, no matter how he feltinside.
But this?Here?Now?
Gabriel refused to run. Anticipation wasn’t always a bad thing, and it didn’t always lead to hurt. It wasn’t fear that made his pulse race, but excitement. He would be a fool to runfromthat.
There was a moment where nothing was said. Sir met Gabriel’s gaze, and Gabriel held it. He did not dip his chin. He did notlookaway.
“I’m ready to embrace who I was,” Sir admitted. “After she died, I shut off that part of me, like I was wrapping a tourniquet above a wound in the hopes it wouldn’t bleed out. But it’s been a long time now, and I’m not bleeding anymore. I’m ready to take thetourniquetoff.”
The profound tone Sir used struck Gabriel in the chest, and it stirred his anticipation further. Staying still was difficult, and keeping himself collected even harder. The stimulation wastoomuch.
“Today, I want to offer you a gift.” Sir glanced at the autoclave, then looked back to Gabriel. “You told me you’re not interested in body modification, but those words are cold and clinical, and they’re not what I want to offer you. What I want to share today is a piece of who I am and who I was—a reminder of the poweryouhold over me, and the way you’ve pieced me back together when I was broken and ignorantofit.”
The feeling in his chest twisted, and Gabriel tried his best to hold back tears. A facet of Sir he’d never known—a delicate piece of his past that Sir had hidden away for so long—opened up to him now. Gabriel had always been the broken one—the one who was never enough, who needed to get better. To realize that Sir thought the same negative things of himself dismantled his world in ways he hadn’t anticipated. Affection and pity rose to fill the empty spacesinside.
“The choice is yours, Gabriel,” Sir told him. “I want to pierce you—to share a piece of myself with you that you will always remember. I want you to remember every time you look in the mirror and see the glint of metal against your skin that not only are you loved, valued, and cherished, but that no matter how worthless you feel, you areimportant. You took a broken man and made him whole again by being nothing more than yourself. I never want you toforgetit.”
The tears Gabriel had tried so hard to hold off came all at once. He blinked rapidly to try to stop them, but it was no use. They streamed down his cheeks, and he brushed them away clumsily with the back ofhishand.
“All I did was love you, Sir,” Gabriel whispered, alreadyhoarse.
“Loving me wasenough.”
All his life, Gabriel had run. From obligations. From problems. From family. From home. Crippling emotional vulnerability made him want to find a quiet place he could process his thoughts uninterrupted—somewhere he wouldn’tbehurt.
But he’d told himself months ago that he was done with running away—so Gabriel ran forwardinstead.
Tears in his eyes, overwhelmed by the intensity of his thoughts, he closed the distance between himself and Sir and buried his face against Sir’s chest. Sir’s arms wrapped around him, and he stroked Gabriel’s hair in slow, reassuring, andpredictableways.
“It’s your choice,” Sir reminded him in a whisper. “It’s my gift to give, but it’s up to you whether you take it or refuse it. I won’t be mad, no matter what you decide. All I want is for you to do what brings you themostjoy.”
The thought that he could feel any happier than when he was with Sir was outrageous. Gabriel pulled back and smiled, meeting Sir’s gazewithoutfear.
“I want you to pierce me, Sir,” Gabriel whispered. “I want to remember that you belong to me, just as much as I belongtoyou.”
43
Cedric
The backingof the sterilization pouch tore away from the transparent window, and Cedric’s gloved hand freed the hollow needle from inside. Gabriel sat beside him on a stool in front of the autoclave, his shoulders relaxed and his cheeks still glossy fromtears.
“Where on your ear would you like to be pierced, Gabriel?” Cedric carefully tore the packaging on the simple jewelry he’d prepared, careful not to contaminate the hollowneedle.
“Anywhere, Sir,” Gabriel whispered back. “I’d like for you todecide.”
Cedric took a moment to consider Gabriel’s face. The piercing needed to be subtle—a lobe piercing was too loud, and it wouldn’t complement Gabriel’s docile personality. What he chose needed to be understated and overlooked, but radiantly beautiful when it was noticed. The shape of Gabriel’s ear made the choiceclear.
“It’s going to look elegant when it’s healed,” Cedric told him in a low, reassuring voice. He freed one of the sterilizing wipes from its packaging and ran it over Gabriel’s skin to disinfect the area. Gabriel shivered. “When it’s healed, I want it threaded with white gold and capped with a seedpearl.”
