“I did itagain.”
“You didn’t doanything.”
“Ihurtyou.”
Sterling cupped the back of Adrian’s head, and for a while, he let each kiss he gave answer for him. There was soft, sweet nothingness between them, a tenderness that soothed Sterling’s need for aftercare following Adrian’s ballbusting.
“Do you really think you hurt me?” Sterling asked only when his lips tingled from their kiss and his heart was full enough to tackle the subject in earnest. “You need to trust me. If you’d really hurt me, I would have said the safe word,right?”
“Notalways.”
“No.Always.”
The kiss resumed, sweeter and more delicate than before. Sterling’s hand brushed through Adrian’s hair and came around to trace along his cheek. Damp trails of wetness streaked his skin—silent tears. Sterling ended the kiss they shared so he could kissthemaway.
“You never have to be afraid around me. Whether that means the freedom to be yourself without worry, or the reassurance that I’ll be honest about my limits in our bedroom play, it doesn’t matter. You can be you without bars, so long as you help me honor whoever that man is, and whatever his truedesiresare.”
“Why are you doing this?” Adrian’s voice quivered, like he was on the verge of tears. The walls were falling, and Sterling was granted his first peek at the man Adrian hid from the world. “Why are you being so nice to me? I haven’t done anything to earn this.Iha—”
“I like you, Adrian.” Sterling didn’t mince his words. If Adrian didn’t already know, he needed to know now. “I like your spirit and your lashing tongue. I like the way you test me, and I like the way you stand so proud all on your own. I’ve never met a man like youbefore.”
“If you knew who I really was, you wouldn’tsaythat.”
“Then try me.” Sterling kissed Adrian’s cheek, then allowed his kisses to flutter, following the memory of Adrian’s voice until he kissed the corner of his mouth. “If you think the you that you are is so horrible, let me know him, and then I’ll be able to pass judgment formyself.”
“I don’t know if I can.” Adrian sounded so frail that Sterling was afraid the courage he’d found might snap and his walls would go up all overagain.
“Then let me find him for you. Let me nurture him back to health. I promise I’ll take care of you, Adrian. I’ll take care of you and our baby for however long you wantmeto.”
“Really?”
“Really.” Sterling’s lips found Adrian’s fully, and he kissed him one last time before his hand moved down Adrian’s side to support his hip. “All you need to do is trust me. I can’t promise I can take the pain away, but I can promise that whatever it is, I can help youshoulderit.”
The dreamy sigh from Adrian’s lips marked the fall of the last barrier. With it, Sterling took the power Adrian struggled so hard to wield and brought it back into himself. Tonight, he’d need every bit of it hecouldfind.
To get rid of his pain, Adrian would need to forgive himself—and if he couldn’t do that on his own, Sterling would do itforhim.
19
Adrian
“Lie down, Adrian.”It was a command, not a request, but there was no aggression in it. The underlying sweetness in Sterling’s voice bordered on affectionate, and Adrian found himself compelled tolisten.
He parted from Sterling’s side and repositioned himself on the bed, resting amongst the bedding. The same negative part of his brain that had spun out of control and brought him to seek Sterling out now told him that this was a bad idea—that what he needed was to inflict the pain he felt on others in order to truly getitout.
Adrian’s heart saidotherwise.
With no way to see what was about to happen, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to embrace the inevitable. Whatever Sterling was about to do to him, he couldn’t predict or prevent. If Sterling wanted to get even with him and torture him like he’d tortured Sterling, Adrian wouldn’t have beensurprised.
But the torture Adrian expectednevercame.
A drawer slid open. A cap clicked. Adrian was sure that wet, slick fingers were about to find their way beneath the band of his pajama pants to meet his hole with rough insistence, but instead, a scent filled the air. Adrian opened his eyes, but was greeted withshadow.
Lavender, rosemary, and tea tree perfumed the air. Sterling’s hands met his bare shoulders, and Adrian allowed a single, uncertain gasp to mark the space between them. Sterling hadn’t gone into the drawer to find lube—he’d found massage oil. And now, hands firm and movements confident, he worked the oil into Adrian’sshoulders.
The gasp turned into a pleased sigh, and Adrian closedhiseyes.
“The people who frequent The Shepherd have a lot to say about who I really am.” Sterling spoke loudly enough so Adrian could hear him, but not so loudly that he would disrupt Gabriel down the hall. “They claim that I collect young men in my penthouse in harems, or that I’m datingClarissa.”
