Adrian couldn’t bear the thought of failing all overagain.
Why was he always like this? Why did it always turn out so badly? After Gabriel had disappeared, Adrian had done his best to push others away. He’d cut ties with his friends and holed himself off from the world in the hopes that doing so would prevent him from hurting anyone else. But now, all he did was hurt, and he had no one to see him throughthepain.
Whenever he got like this—whenever he got so low that all he could see was his suffering—he worked it out at The Shepherd. The powerful men who fell to him bore his pain. Adrian forced it on them. Anguished faces. Red, swollen nipples tortured by clamps. Skin so raw Adrian could still see his handprint even as he dressed toleave…
In the end, what had it brought him? The pain always came back. The relief was only ever temporary, and it was always bittersweetatthat.
If this was going to be the rest of his life, what was the point? Gabriel had come home, and Adrian was trying his best to make things right, but the light at the end of the tunnel hadn’t been a sign of salvation—it had been warning of an oncomingtrain.
Gabriel would always be broken from what Adrian had done to him, and Adrian would always feel guiltyforit.
Would he feel guilty for abandoning his baby, too? Would it destroy him in the same way? Had one nightmare ended only for another tobegin?
Adrian couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t bear thesolitude.
Heart heavy, he abandoned the bed and crept from the room. Gabriel murmured for Garrison, but otherwise he didn’t wake. Adrian watched him until the slit between the door and the doorframe was too small to see through, then he continued on his way down the hall and opened the door to the master bedroom with equal measuresofcare.
The room was dark, and Adrian had only been in it once. Carefully, he picked his way across the floor until he brushed against the bedside, then he climbed onto the mattress and progressed on his hands and knees. A hand grabbed his arm, and Adrian choked back a startled yelp as Sterling tugged himclose.
“Adrian?” Sterling asked. The blackout curtains were drawn, and the room was so dark that Adrian couldn’t see Sterling, even though Sterling had united theirbodies.
“Yeah. It’s me.” Adrian raked his teeth across his lip, then groped through the dark until his hand found Sterling’s arm. He traced it upward to Sterling’s shoulder. “I just… I didn’t want to bealone.”
“And you never have to be alone again if you don’t wanttobe.”
Adrian swallowed the lump those words formed in his throat. He wasn’t going to cry. Not now. Right now, he needed to drown out his sorrows in the only way heknewhow.
“I want to play,” Adrian whispered. His hand traced from Sterling’s shoulder over his neck, then along his jaw. Deprived of sight, Adrian felt the bones there, savoring all of Sterling’s sharp angles and rugged features. He needed to shave, and his stubble scratched Adrian’s skin. “Will you playwithme?”
“Now?” Sterling whispered back. “Gabriel is downthehall.”
“It doesn’t matter. It just means you’ll have to bequiet.”
Adrian let his fingers trail along Sterling’s face until his thumb found Sterling’s lips. It slid along his bottom lip smoothly, teasing it down so Adrian could run its very tip along Sterling’s teeth. The hard, smooth enamel was a delight to touch, and Adrian sucked in a tiny breath as arousal twinged in his stomach and diluted his difficultemotions.
He could drown it out with sex. If he tried hard enough, he could make himself forget. All he needed to do was work it out just like any other time. It was a temporary fix, but temporary was better than feeling like thisforever.
The sheets moved. Sterling changed position, and as he did, he dragged Adrian forward. Adrian took his hands away from Sterling for safety and allowed himself to be moved, and when Sterling settled him back down, he found himself seated on Sterling’s lap. A budding erection pushed against the bottom of Adrian’s pajamapants.
“How do you want to play?” Sterling asked. “If we have to stay quiet, we don’t have many options. I have toys we could use. A vibrator, maybe.Restraints—”
“No.” Adrian found Sterling’s face again, and he reintroduced his thumb to Sterling’s lips. Sterling fell silent, and Adrian took the time to curl his hand beneath Sterling’s chin as he worked his thumb across the row of Sterling’s teeth. “I want it to be likebefore.”
Gentle pressure parted Sterling’s teeth, and Adrian introduced his thumb into Sterling’s mouth. Instinctively, Sterling’s lips closed around it, and he sucked while Adrian worked the digit back andforth.
It wouldn’t be long now before Sterlingwashis.
A shiver was born between Adrian’s shoulder blades and tumbled down his spine to the small of his back. In slow, meaningful movements, he worked his thumb across Sterling’s tongue, then pulled out until the tip rested on his front teeth before penetrating his mouth all overagain.
“You’re so fucking hot, sucking me like that,” Adrian whispered. He’d leaned forward, and his cheek brushed Sterling’s even as he owned his mouth. “Did you like sucking my cock? You took me so deep you had to have liked it. So fucking dirtyofyou…”
Adrian found Sterling’s earlobe. He dragged it between his teeth, then nipped. Sterling sucked in a breath around his thumb, a delicate little thing that made Adrian’s cock throb. Sterling’s erection pushed up against him inresponse.
Hewantedit.
“How badly do you want it?” Adrian asked. He drew his thumb back and traced it across Sterling’s lips again. Sterling rewarded him with a low moan. “What lengths will you go to in order to get it? What will you suffer for me,Sterling?”
“Anything,” Sterlinguttered.
