“Adrian’s going to be okay, right?” Gabriel asked. “I mean… he’s not… he’s okay,right?”
“He’s going to be fine,” Sterling promised. “I won’t let anything happentohim.”
“Why did the doctor want to talk to him alone? It’s not because… he’s, um…” Gabriel crossed his arms a little too tightly over his chest andtrailedoff.
“Because he’s what?” Sterlingasked.
Gabriel stared at his feet. “He’s not addicted to the benzos too,ishe?”
The silence between them was vast to the point it almost felt unbridgeable. Sterling looked over Gabriel, trying to distill the meaning of what he’d said. The thought of addiction had never crossed his mind, but now that the topic had been brought up, Sterling wondered if that wasn’t the case. The irritability, the aggression, the toughenedexterior…
But instead of allowing doubt to poison his mind, Sterling asked more questions in the hopes of clarification. “What do you meanby‘too’?”
There was no way Gabriel could have looked more uncomfortable. He shuffled his weight from foot to foot and fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt. “Our mom is… she, uh… she kind of takes them more than she should, and she has for alongtime.”
“Forhowlong?”
“…I don’t know. I noticed it for the first time when I was thirteen, but it… it might have gone on longer. It didn’t stop when Iwentaway.”
The scene came to life in Sterling’s head. An emotionally distant father, more concerned about how he came across to his relatives than the return of the lost boy on his doorstep. A mother lost to the demons of addiction. And amongst it all, two young men growing up in a world already shaped by forces that longed to oppress them. The Lowe family had money, but what difference did money make when a family was as broken astheirown?
It was little wonder why Gabriel hadrunaway.
“It got… bad… when I was gone.” Gabriel stopped plucking at the sleeve of his shirt so he could rub at his arm instead. “She’s a lot worse now. Sometimes it’s… sometimes Adrian lets me sleep in bed with him, because she’ll be up atnight.”
“Are you in danger?” No matter Adrian’s own potential struggles with addiction, if there was a chance that either he or Gabriel were unsafe in their home, Sterling would not stand by silently. In Gabriel, quiet and lost and alone, he saw a young Clarissa. Big blue eyes shimmering with tears, tiny shoulders pinched toherneck…
“I don’t know.” Gabriel admitted. “I don’t think so. I think I’m just scared of everything all thetimenow.”
“Are you scaredofme?”
“Yes.”
“More scared than you areofher?”
The answer didn’t come. Gabriel looked away. Sterling liked to think it was because he was uncertain, but he couldn’t tell for sure. Gabriel’s expressions were hard to readatbest.
Sterling knew he couldn’t make things right, but he had to say his bit even if he was wasting his breath. “You have plenty of reasons to be afraid of me, and I understand if that’s the case, but I want you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you or your brother.Never.”
“I know.” Gabriel’s voice wassmall.
“And if you ever need help, no matter how insignificant or stupid you think it is, all you have to do is letmeknow.”
“Thank you.” Gabriel wouldn’t meet Sterling’s eyes, but Sterling remarked a change in his posture that made him believe Gabriel hadn’t just heard his message, he’d understood it. “I think… I think Adrian is very lucky to have you. You’re going to be a goodfather.”
“Ihopeso.”
“You will be.” Gabriel made a nervous wheezing sound. It took Sterling a long moment to realize it was an anxious attempt at a laugh. “You’re already doing a great job and the baby isn’t even here yet. You’re… you’re going tobeokay.”
“Thankyou.”
The door to the examination room opened. Adrian, looking a little miffed, stepped out. “We’ve got to move to another room to do the ultrasound and the blood work. It’s going to mean morewaiting.”
Gabriel immediately fell into place beside Adrian, and Sterling looked over the two carefully. The Lowe brothers were two sides of the same coin—one given in to his suffering and made weak by it, the other hardened by years of neglect. Sterling’s gut told him that Adrian wasn’t self-medicating to escape. If he was, he would have already known about it. It was rare that addiction was kept a secret for long amongst regular club-goers. For now, he’d trustAdrian.
It was all hecoulddo.
“More waiting is fine. I have all morning.” Sterling glanced back toward the general waiting room. “Should wegosit?”
