He didn’t think Marcus was too keen on his Friday night visitsanymore.
The evening wore down. Club security made their final sweep, making sure the guests had left. Lucian washed down the tables and put up the chairs while Clarissa brought the rest of their dishes down to the kitchen. By the time he was done, she’d arrived backupstairs.
“I’ll close the cash and take care of the reports. The floor’s good to go fortomorrow?”
“Yep.” Lucian spoke with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, but not even that felt like enough. “Anything else Icando?”
“You can go home and enjoy the rest of your morning,” Clarissa said with a wink. “Thanks for all your help today. You didgreat.”
“It was a good night,” Lucian said, only partially meaning it. “I’ll see youtomorrow.”
“Catch yalater!”
Lucian took the stairs two at a time, eager to get away. He crossed the empty dance floor and navigated the lobby. The front door opened with the push of a palm, and Lucian let himself out. The door clicked closed behind him, locking inplace.
Most Friday nights, Lucian went straight to the alley to meet with Marcus. Tonight, he doubted there would be anyone there, but his feet led the way regardless. Lucian crossed his arms over his chest as he stepped into the dark alcove they’d visited every Friday night, letting the shadows bathe him. The loneliness wascrushing.
He was about to turn around when a stern hand tightened around his shoulder and tugged him forward. Lucian stumbled to catch his footing, but before he fell, he hit something firm and warm. A familiar scent flooded hisnostrils.
Marcus.
“You didn’t come tonight,” Lucian whispered, his fingers hooking loosely into the front of Marcus’shirt.
“I didn’t feel much likepartying.”
Lucian bowed his head. He knew why. “I’msorry.I—”
“I don’t want you to explain yourself.” Marcus’ hands guided him back until he was pressed against the wall. The pressure wasn’t unkind, but Lucian knew that he wouldn’t be able to break away unless he exerted himself. “I don’t want to hear excuses. I’ve accepted what happened. If you’re here tonight, it means that you regret what you did. That’s enoughforme.”
A burning uncertainty engulfed Lucian’s heart, exposing it to fire he wasn’t sure he could extinguish. A very large part of him wanted to let his confession go. The temptation to leave his past behind stoked those flames and drowned out the voice in his head that begged him to tell Marcus thetruth.
“What I want from you now is simple,” Marcus said. His hand slid from Lucian’s shoulder down his arm, stroking it. “We need to discuss what your comfort levels are and how far you’re willing to take this. I’m willing to compromise if it means that you’ll stay inmylife.”
“I don’t have an answer for you,” Lucian admitted. Gingerly, he rested his head against Marcus’ shoulder. “I just… the idea of being owned got to me. I don’t know if I’m ready for that, or if I’ll ever be ready for that. Not on a full-timebasis.”
There was silence. Lucian closed his eyes, wondering if his confession would end what he shared withMarcus.
When Marcus didn’t reply, Luciancontinued.
“I loved what we did last week, but when you talked about making it real, I… Icouldn’t.”
“You don’t need to explain yourself,” Marcus said. Lucian opened his eyes as Marcus’ hand cupped his jaw. He rubbed a thumb across Lucian’s cheek. “I am devoted to your pleasure. I never want you toforgetthat.”
“I still want to play,” Lucian murmured. He nuzzled against Marcus’ hand. “I don’t want to give you up. I just need… some time, you know? Time toadjust.”
“What have I told you, fledgling?” Marcus’ voice was brightened with laughter. His lips found Lucian’s, and a single, fleeting kiss stole Lucian’s anxiety away. When Marcus spoke again, he did so against Lucian’s earlobe. “You don’t need to explain yourself. You don’t have to apologize for retracting your consent. What I want more than anything is to find the things that will make you happy, and if I pushed you too far,Iam the one who needs toapologize.”
“You’re notangry?”
“I was. But what good is anger when you’re the one who was wrong? You can be angry all you want and nothing will change. It’s not until you look at the root of your anger and accept whatever hard truths you find that there is potential forgrowth.”
“Then…” Lucian’s heart throbbed, overcome by the maturity and levelheadedness of what Marcus had said. “Then if I don’t know, we can use a safe word, right? And if it goes too far, I can use it to tell youtostop.”
“Ofcourse.”
“And you’ll stop?” Lucian asked. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t let them fall. The idea that an alpha would respect his boundaries, even in the heat of the moment, was new and frightening. Lucian wasn’t sure he could trust it to happen. “If I tell you to, even if you’re into it, you’ll check in with me to see whatIneed?”
“Of course I will.” Marcus’ arms closed around him, holding him loosely. Lucian clung to him with much more urgency, unable to let himself relax. All of it was new ground, and he was afraid that a single misstep would lead him into a land mine. “You don’t need to run. You don’t need to fear me. I will never punish you for feeling uncomfortable or for changing your mind. If you’re not having fun, there’s no point in playing, is there? Sex is about mutuality. If you’re not enjoying it, all I’m doing is masturbating, and I would rather do that on my own than hurt you by making you do itforme.”
