6
Elijah
Saint Francisof Assisi’s imagebled across Elijah’s sheets in stunning color. The dying light of the sun struck the stained glass and decorated the room with dreamy hues.
“I didn’t see you around at lunch today,” Greyson said casually. “What happen? They lock you up?”
“No.”
The room was tiny. Two bunk beds were crammed inside, shoved against opposite walls. There was enough space between the two bunks that Elijah couldn’t reach the other bed from where he lay, but if the omega in the next bed extended his arm outward, their hands would meet. Beneath the bunks were sliding drawers for their clothes and other possessions. Collectively, the four omegas in the room owned enough to barely fill them.
“Then what was it?” Greyson asked. “We were talking about it all day, wondering what was going on.”
“Do you have nothing better to do than gossip?” Elijah asked, brow raised.
“When you’re the only one in this place who gets paired with a hunky alpha counselor? Yeah, we don’t have anything better to do.”
It was fair, Elijah supposed. He’d gossiped about the other omegas while under Baylor’s employ. There were plenty of things to talk about, like how he was sure Baylor was accepting premium payment so that one of the clients could beat Sean in places easily concealed by clothing, or how Dylan was pregnant now, and whether that was an accident or not.
Gossip had kept him sane for the last four years. He didn’t blame Greyson for admitting to it now.
“He took me out on a field test or something today,” Elijah said. “Checked me out with the head counselor or whoever she is, Torres, and then we left Stonecrest and went into the city.”
“You went into the city?” Aiden gasped from the bunk above. He swung his shoulders over the edge of the bed and looked down at Elijah. His dark hair dangled downward. “Were you scared? I don’t think I could handle that right now. What if you saw a client? What if one of Baylor’s men saw you? I know they’re still out there.”
“I’m not afraid.” Elijah looked up at Aiden. “I didn’t want to leave The White Lotus. I don’t think any of us are worthy of holding positions in society when we’re fucked up like we are. Abominations.”
“Negative self-talk isn’t going to get you anywhere,” Jay, occupying the top bunk across from Elijah, said. “We covered that in class today. It’s important to re-frame destructive thinking.”
“It’s not destructive if it’s true.” Elijah retorted. The room grew silent. Aiden pulled himself back into bed, disappearing from Elijah’s view. “I mean, look at me. I haven’t gone to a single day of class, and now my counselor is pulling me out of the rehab center so we can go test my social interactions. I’m going to get out of here before any of you.”
No one said anything for a while, but Elijah didn’t mind. He didn’t have a close connection to any of the omegas in the room—the staff at Stonecrest had done a good job at splitting up cliques in an attempt to improve coping mechanisms. Removing familiarity strengthened individuality.
At least, that’s what Silas had told him during one of their meetings.
“Is he sleeping with you?” Greyson asked.
“No.”
“Do you want him to?”
Elijah stared at the wooden slats holding up Aiden’s mattress. Was it okay to tell the others what was going on? It wasn’t like there was anything actually happening.
“I do.” Elijah raked his teeth across his bottom lip. “I want him to knock me up.”
“Youwhat?” Aiden’s head popped back over the side of the bed to look down at Elijah with wide eyes. “No. We just got away from all of that.”
“I like him,” Elijah said, keeping his voice level. “He’s nice. He treats me with respect, like I’m a person instead of a disgrace. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I like to feel like I’m worth something, you know?”
“That’s really dangerous thinking,” Aiden insisted. “Youareworth something, and other alphas and betas are going to treat you like a person once you get out of here, too. Falling for the first guy you meet just because he treats you nicely isn’t healthy behavior. You should take a second and reevaluate what you feel, because if that’s it, you’re interested in him for the wrong reasons.”
Like Aiden was anyone to offer relationship advice. At barely eighteen, he was one of Baylor’s newer recruits. He had no more life experience than Elijah did, and as meek and stereotypically omega as he was, Elijah was sure Aiden didn’t have a better grip on reality than he did.
“Getting pregnant is a big deal,” Jay said. “What if he leaves you? It’s not hard to get an alpha to knock you up, but getting him to stay afterward?”
“He’ll stay.” Elijah believed it. He traced his gaze across the woodgrain pattern in the slats above, trying to keep himself from feeling nervous or uncertain. Silas was the kind of man who respected omegas, whether they deserved it or not. If Elijah got pregnant, Silas would do everything in his power to make things right.
Saying it like that made what he wanted to do feel dishonest. Elijah frowned and tore his gaze from the wood slats, turning onto his side instead. He clutched his pillow tightly against his chest and buried his chin against it.
