Did Silas deserve that from him? Elijah knew that he was at Stonecrest because he wanted to help omegas be the best they could be. They shared conflicting views on what that meant, but Elijah respected that about him. Silas was trying to help him in the way he thought was right.
In return, Elijah was trying to ensnare him and ruin his life.
What was he doing?
“Elijah,” Greyson said hesitantly. “Listen, I mean, I know we all have different ways of coping with what happened to us. Some of us liked working for Baylor more than others, and that’s fine. But I mean, right now we’re adjusting to this life-after-The-White-Lotus reality, and I think all of us need to take it slow. Getting an alpha to knock you up isn’t going to solve any of your problems—it’s just going to make life more complicated. Don’t you want to be in a place where you can give your baby a better life?”
Doubt diffused through him slowly until it took control. Elijah curled tighter against his pillow. “I do.”
“Then don’t get pregnant. Not right now, at least. If you find someone later, when you’re adjusted to the world and you’re able to provide for a child, then go for it. All of us are lost right now, and we need some time to find ourselves again. Don’t do something stupid before that happens.”
What Greyson said made sense, but it hurt. Elijah clutched his pillow tightly and didn’t comment. What he’d shared with the other omegas was only the partial truth. He wanted Silas to knock him up and stay with him, but there were feelings there, too, even if they were muddied and confused.
Silas was so straight-laced and proper on the surface, but there was someone else inside of him that Elijah had caught a glimpse of while they were out. Sincere, honest, and funny, Silas was down to earth. From the stupid Victorian styled chaise in his office to the way he monitored the things he said, there was something about him that Elijah found endearing. In the last few hours alone, the way Silas had reached for him and taken his hand…
The memory stirred inside of him, and Elijah’s cheeks flushed. Touching him had been spur of the moment, but Elijah didn’t regret his decision. There was an electricity between them, a kind of chemistry that Elijah had never felt with his clients, or with Baylor. If it wasn’t a product of alpha status, then it had to be something individual to Silas—an unspoken attraction so deeply rooted that it weighed in the air and sparked across Elijah’s skin.
It wasn’t only about tying down a respectful alpha for the rest of his life—Elijah wanted Silas. They weren’t well acquainted yet, but there was something between them that was promising. With a little time and a little effort, it could become more.
Elijah didn’t believe in love, much less love at first sight, but the more time he spent with Silas, the more he was starting to question those beliefs.
The very first time they’d laid eyes upon each other…
“You were the one who didn’t reveal any of your personal information to the police, right?” Jay asked. “Not your name, or your date of birth, or your last heat, right?”
“Right.” Elijah didn’t move from where he laid.
“Did you tell anyone?” Jay asked. “I mean, since you first came in?”
“No.” Nothing true, anyway. Elijah had let slip a few details here and there to throw Silas off. More than anything, he didn’t want to confront his parents. If hiding his real identity meant that they’d never be located, he was more than happy to never be Elijah McMillan again.
“Your heat is due, though, isn’t it?” Jay asked. “I remember that yours and mine were more or less synced, and Baylor would always call us in together to…”
It was a memory Elijah wasn’t fond of. He studied the colors from the stained glass as they stretched along the wall. “You’re right.”
“So you’re not on birth control right now in preparation? They dosed me this morning to make sure if it triggers early that I’m not going to be an issue. They even gave me suppressants. You need to go tell them and get yours. For once in our lives, we won’t have to suffer through a heat.”
“I’ll talk to them tomorrow,” Elijah murmured. The pretty green eyed babies he’d been dreaming of weren’t going to fix any of his problems. Silas deserved better than that from him.
“You gonna come with us to dinner?” Aiden asked. “I can walk with you to the infirmary then. There’s always a nurse on duty, so you could ask him or her about the birth control injection. I bet they could do it right there.”
“M’not hungry,” Elijah mumbled. Guilt stole his appetite. “You guys have a good time. I’ll deal with things later.”
“Alright.” Aiden swung himself down from the top bunk, and Jay followed shortly after. Greyson fixed him with one last, worried look before he left the room. Elijah was alone.
If he felt for Silas—if he actually thought they stood a chance—he had to reconsider his plan. Lust was easy, and Elijah knew how to work it to his advantage. Lust wasn’t what he was dealing with anymore.
What bound them together was deeper.
Elijah refused to jeopardize his first shot at love.
