Hopefully I’m not completely overstepping here. “Are you eager to date because you want to be in a romantic relationship again? Because you miss having a partner? Or do you feel like youneedto date again because you want to have kids?” I think I’m asking because I want him to be happy, not because I hate the idea of him dating.
That’s what I’m telling myself at least.
He crosses his arms, sitting back again with his brows furrowed as he really thinks through my question, but he doesn’t seem upset by it at all; his expression is open, curious. “I’m not sure.” he finally answers. “I guess I like the idea of having a partner again. I would like to share my life with someone eventually. But if I separate that from having kids… I’m in less of a hurry. The thing I want most is to be a dad.”
That’s what I thought he’d say. “And have you ever looked into options where you could become a parent on your own?”
He freezes for a moment before slowly shaking his head again. “No. I honestly hadn’t thought to.” He sits up a bit straighter. “But you’re right, there are probably kids out there who need a parent, who would love to have a home. Why couldn’t I do that on my own? Especially after the season ends?” He sounds more excited about the idea as he goes on, so I really hope I’m not making things up here and that he would actuallyqualify.
“I have no idea what the requirements are for fostering or adoption or surrogacy, but I would imagine your money would help. You’ll be an amazing parent, and you don’t need a wife for that to be true. I’d be happy to help you look into what your options are if that’s something you’re serious about pursuing.” I’d do anything to keep that sad, hopeless expression off his face that he’d had while talking about his future.
Hudson doesn’t hesitate; he’s sitting on the edge of his chair now, gripping the counter as he tries to contain his obvious excitement, nodding eagerly. “Absolutely. Let’s start now.”
We spend the rest of the night looking into adoption in Illinois, and eventually he finds an agency that seems like a good fit. They have open informational meetings pretty frequently, so he plans to go to the next one he’s in town for.
As I’m falling asleep, I can’t help but adjust the ongoing fantasy version I have of Hudson and me, the one where we’re madly in love, living together for entirely different reasons.
Tonight, we’re decorating a nursery.
13
HUDSON
“Who are you texting?” Ollie asks as he takes his seat next to me on the plane. He’s been sitting there on our flights all season—we won again tonight against Florida—and with how many games we’ve won now, neither of us is going to stray from any of our routines.
“Adrian. I sent him a picture of that cute dog we saw this morning, so we’ve been talking about pets all day. Can you believe he’s never had one?”
He nods. “I can, he doesn’t seem like a pet person. Are you still living together?”
Not a pet person? Adrian would be an excellent pet parent. Ollie just doesn’t know him as well as I do. That thought makes me feel a little more smug than it probably should. “Yeah, I’m still living with him,” I finally answer. “But I did finally reach out to my realtor about finding my own place.”
“Really? Did something happen between you two?”
I laugh at the thought of Adrian and me fighting. I don’t see that ever happening. “No, nothing like that. Adrian is the perfect roommate, and I love spending my downtime with him. I’m not ina hurry to stop living together. But he did help me set some new goals for my future.”
“Oh yeah? Are you going to keep playing?”
I can’t help but laugh again at how hopeful he sounds. “No, you know I’m retiring.”
“I know you keep saying that, but it doesn’t mean I’m giving up hope you’ll change your mind.”
“Sorry, man, this really is my last year.”
We have to pause to listen to the safety briefing before the plane takes off, but when we’re settled and in the air, he continues. “So what’s the new goal then?”
“Adrian and I were talking about what I want the most for my future, especially with me retiring. You know I’ve been trying out dating apps, and even had that one awkward date, but he helped me realize that as much as I’d like to get remarried one day, the thing I want the most is to be a parent. So I’m shifting my focus. If I meet someone, cool, but I’m going to put less pressure on myself about it and go after what I really want. I’ve been looking into the application process for adoption.”
“No way. That’s awesome! I can’t imagine having kids anytime soon, but I can totally see it for you. You’re going to be such a great dad.”
I light up at his compliment. It’s really the best one he could give me. “Thanks. I figure that I’ll need to have a safe, stable home to raise kids in, so I asked my agent to try to find something with at least three bedrooms.”
“Where are you looking?”
“The same neighborhood I’m in now. It’s really grown on me.”
Ollie smirks. “Is it the neighborhood? Or the people?”
I roll my eyes. Ollie hasn’t dropped the idea that Adrian and I might be more than just friends despite our big talk about it. “Obviously having Adrian as a neighbor will be nice, but I really do like the area too.”
