Later, when the kids were tired out, Meredith offered to put them to bed. I nodded gratefully, sinking onto the couch as the house grew quieter.
When Meredith returned, she disappeared into Jason’s office and came back holding a joint. “I think we need this,” she said with a mischievous grin.
I laughed softly, shaking my head. “You don’t have to twist my arm.”
We went out to the patio, wrapping ourselves in blankets against the cool night air. The moon was full, the sky washed in violet and soft grays, the way it only looks before summer. Meredith exhaled slowly, then passed the joint to me.
“So,” Meredith said, her tone softer now, “what happened?”
I hesitated, taking another drag before handing the joint back to her. The words felt heavy, tangled in my chest, but I needed to let them out. “I told him everything,” I said finally. “Not just about the affair, but who it was with. How it wasn’t just a one-night stand.”
Meredith’s face was unreadable, but her silence urged me to continue.
“I told him I had feelings for Will,” I admitted, my voice breaking. “And that I didn’t know if I wanted to fix things with him. With Jason, I mean.”
She nodded slowly, letting my words hang in the air before responding. “And how did he take it?”
I let out a bitter laugh. “Not well. He was calm, but you could see it, his hurt, his anger. He asked me if I ever thought about leaving him for Will.”
“And?”
“I told him I thought about it,” I whispered, the weight of my admission settling over me again.
Meredith reached for my hand. Her grip was firm. “You were honest. That’s something.”
“I don’t know if honesty makes a difference at this point,” I replied. “We’re so broken, Mer. I don’t know how we could ever come back from this.”
She didn’t argue or offer platitudes. Instead, she said, “You need to figure out whatyouwant, Nat. Not what’s easiest, not what’s expected; whatyoureally want.”
The next morning, Meredith and I decided to take the kids to the beach. The sun was shining, the kind of bright, perfect day that felt like a gift. As soon as we arrived, Bebe and James took off toward the water, their laughter ringing out like a melody. I sat on the sand, watching them. The waves crashed rhythmically in the background.
“They’re so resilient,” Meredith said, sitting beside me. “Kids are amazing that way.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, my voice tinged with sadness. “I just hope they don’t grow up resenting us. Or me.”
“They won’t,” Meredith said firmly. “You’re a great mom, Nat. They know how much you love them.”
After the beach, we went home and had a quiet, relaxing afternoon. We set up an outdoor movie on the patio. The soft glow of the screen mixed with the fading light of the evening.
At one point, James turned to me and said, “I wish Daddy was here. He loves Coco.” His words pierced my heart, and a tear strolled down my cheek before I could stop it.
I forced a smile and nodded, but inside, I was unraveling. My stomach ached as my mind raced, caught between two unbearable thoughts: holding onto the hollow version of our family life for the sake of the kids or facing the unknown pain of letting go. Would this ache ever stop?
Later that night, after the kids were asleep and the silence had taken over, I let myself cry until there were no more tears left, and my exhaustion finally pulled me under.
When I woke up, I had a text from Jason, asking if he could pick me up for lunch. I showed Meredith the message, and she encouraged me to go.
“You need to talk,” she said. “Even if it’s hard.”
He arrived around 12:30, stepping inside briefly to hug the kids before we left. Bebe clung to his leg, her smile bright, and I felt a pang of guilt as I watched her.
We drove in silence to Malibu Farms. At the restaurant, we shared a light appetizer, sipping coffee as I told him about the beach and the kids’ antics. He smiled faintly, but his eyes were distant.
After he paid the bill, Jason suggested we go for a walk. I agreed, grateful for the fresh air.
We wandered toward the beach. The sand was cool beneath my feet as I slipped off my shoes. The ocean stretched out endlessly before us, and for a moment, it felt like we were the only two people in the world.
Jason broke the silence first. “I really don’t know where to go from here,” he said quietly.
