Jason’s face froze. His expression was a mix of shock, confusion, and something unreadable. He stared at me.
“I wish you’d told me sooner,” he said finally, his voice rough. “I think I would’ve still wanted to work things out if you had. But now…I don’t know. I don’t know if you really want to work things out. You wouldn’t be reacting like this, protecting the relationship, if you did.”
His words cut deep. The truth in them was undeniable. “I don’t know what I want, Jason. I don’t know if I even know who I am anymore.”
He sighed heavily, running a hand through his dark hair. “I’m going to ask you something, and I need you to be honest. Did you think about leaving me for him?”
I didn’t want to answer. I didn’t want to hurt him more than I already had, but I couldn’t lie.
“Yes,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “I did think about it.”
Jason’s eyes darkened. A mixture of hurt and disbelief washed over him like a wave. “How did this even start?”
I closed my eyes, hating myself at that moment. “It started when he asked me to decorate his place. I didn’t mean for it to go this far, but somewhere along the way, I lost myself. And then…I started looking for something in you, Jason. Something I thought I might find.”
His voice was quieter now, but there was an edge of pain that hadn’t been there before. “Let me get this straight— your hobby was him?” he asked, the words sharp and biting.
I flinched. “It wasn’t like that. I don’t even know how it got so far, but it did.” I hesitated. “And then, I started looking to see if you had any secrets of your own. Turns out, you did, too.”
Jason’s shoulders stiffened. “I thought maybe we had a shot. I thought I was the asshole, but it turns out two wrongs don’t make a right.” His words were laced with finality.
The truth lodged deep, its weight mixing with the uncertainty of what came next.
Jason finally broke the silence. “I’m going to take you home,” he said, his voice flat. “I need to think. On my own.”
His words were like a knife, sharp and precise, cutting through what little hope I had left. I wanted to beg him to stay, to make everything okay again. Somehow I knew better. I couldn’t fix this, not with words. Not with anything.
He started the car, and we drove in silence. The distance between us grew with every mile.
As we neared home, I stared out the window, watching the ocean roll endlessly beside us. The water was calm, steady—everything I wasn’t. I wanted to reach for Jason; to tell him I still loved him, that I was sorry for everything, but the words felt hollow.
I thought about Bebe and James, about what they’d think if this was the end of us. Would they blame me? Would they feel it was their fault?
When we pulled into the driveway, Jason didn’t say a word. He parked, and I opened the door. The cool night air hit me like a slap.
“Jason,” I said softly, turning to him.
He didn’t look at me. His hands stayed on the wheel. His knuckles were white. “I’ll call you when I am ready to talk,” he said simply.
And with that, I stepped out of the car. The door closed behind me like the end of a chapter I wasn’t ready to finish.
CHAPTER 48
UNCHARTED WATERS
NATALIE
Iwatched Jason’s car drive off. The sound of the tires faded into the distance. Tears streamed down my face as I stood in the driveway. My chest heaved with the weight of everything that just happened. My heart ached with a pain I couldn’t name. Jason’s words, his silences, his anguish, it seethed like a storm inside me.
I couldn’t fall apart. Not now. I had to go inside and be strong for Bebe and James. I wiped my tears and walked slowly to the door. Each step was heavier than the last. The smell of cookies lingered faintly in the air as I entered, a comforting reminder of the way things were before everything unraveled.
The sound of laughter and music pulled me toward the living room, where Meredith was dancing with the kids. The bright, upbeat tune of “America’s Sweetheart” by Elle King filled the space. Their joy momentarily cut through the heaviness in my heart.
“Mommy!” James shouted when he saw me, running toward me with his arms wide open.
I scooped him up, holding him close. For a moment, his small arms around my neck felt like home, something solid in this mess I created. Meredith held out her hand with a warm smile. “It’s all going to be okay,” she said softly. Her voice was filled with a confidence I didn’t have.
I took her hand, letting her pull me into their dance. Maybe moving, even if just for a moment, could shake off the sadness or at least help me forget. We danced together, spinning around, laughing at James’s dramatic moves and Bebe’s twirls. I let myself get lost in their world, balancing on the ottoman and twirling like we didn’t have a care in the world.
