“Natalie,” he said softly, his voice thick with regret.
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t.
He walked over to the bed and hesitated for a moment before sitting down on the edge. The mattress slightly dipped under his weight, and I felt his hand graze my arm lightly.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured. “For everything. For being so absent. For letting things get this bad.”
I could feel the warmth of his hand on my shoulder now, as if he was trying to ground me, reach me. Before I could protest, Jason slid into the bed beside me. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me gently toward him.
“I miss you,” he whispered into my hair. “I miss us. I don’t know how to fix this, but I want to try. Please tell me we can try.”
“Jason,” I said finally, my voice a whisper. “Please don’t.”
His arm loosened, and I turned away, pulling the covers tighter around me. He let out a heavy sigh. The sound was filled with a mixture of regret and defeat.
“I understand,” he said, his voice barely audible.
But as I lay there, my heart pounding, I knew I couldn’t let him think he was the only one guilty. How could I let him carry the weight of our broken marriage alone? How could I not tell him the truth?
I sat up. “Jason,” I said quietly, my voice trembling. My hands twisted nervously in the sheets. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
He turned to face me. His expression was wary but calm. “What is it?”
I took a deep breath, my chest tightening as I forced the words out. “I slept with someone.”
His face fell. The color drained from his cheeks. He stared at me, his mouth slightly open, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“What?” he asked, his voice tinged with shock and disbelief.
I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. “It wasn’t planned. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did, and I’m so sorry.”
My voice broke on the last word, and I felt my chest heave as I tried to hold back the sob building inside me.
Jason sat frozen for a moment, his jaw tightening. He ran a hand through his hair. His movements were stiff and deliberate, like he was trying to hold himself together. “When?” he finally asked, with his voice low and uneven.
“Not that long ago,” I said it low, like the words burned on the way out. “It was a mistake, Jason. I don’t even know how I let it happen… I was lonely, and I felt invisible. I know that’s not an excuse.”
His eyes closed for a long moment, and when he opened them again, they glistened with unshed tears.
“Natalie…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “Why didn’t you tell me? You had the perfect opportunity last night.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” I said, my voice cracking. “I didn’t want to hurt us. After what you said about Shannon, I realized I couldn’t keep hiding it. I couldn’t let you carry all the guilt. I couldn’t form the words last night; I know I should have told you then, and not let you think...you were the only one.”
Jason stared at me. His expression was a mixture of pain and something else I couldn’t quite read, maybe understanding, maybe resignation. He didn’t speak right away, and the silence between us felt unbearable, stretching on a road we couldn’t cross.
“Maybe we both need a break,” I said, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “We’re always apart. And I don’t think we’d do this to each other if we were happy.”
Jason nodded slowly, his jaw tightening. “I’m going to stay at a hotel tonight,” he said after a long pause. “I need some space.”
It didn’t surprise me. That was Jason’s way, avoiding confrontation and retreating when things got tough. He also deserved time to process this. What I did was worse. He didn’t cross the line. I had, quietly and completely, and he still didn’t know it was Will.
When he left, I cried harder than I ever had before. The tears came in waves, relentless and uncontrollable. I cried for the hurt, for the betrayal, for the mess we had become. I cried for the love we once shared, now buried under years of resentment and neglect.
I wanted to call Meredith, and eventually, I did. But when she offered to fly here, I told her no.
“I need to figure this out,” I said through tears. “I just…need some time alone.”
What I really wanted though was to call Will. My finger hovered over his name in my phone, but I stopped myself. I knew that wasn’t the answer. I needed to feel my emotions fully, to sit with the pain and the grief without distraction.
