I was welcomed back to Sparks with open arms and an appointmentwith HR. I made a statement on Jack, including everything from the public sex to our conversation when he found out that the deal with Royce’s company fell through.
The office is one hundred times better since Jack has been gone. He’s facing hefty legal action from Sparks. Turns out, Jack had hacked Stella’s email and would “interfere with correspondence”. Stella never discussed my request to work remote because she never read it—it was Jack.
Despicable.
Therapy is going well. As well as therapy can go at times. I’m still dealing with the physical incident with Royce. I’m not sure I’ll ever not be dealing with it. There’s something truly awful about someone taking something from you that you can’t even see. Some days, it feels like I have cuts that bleed just below the surface. I’m working on being honest with how I feel. Trying to get rid of all the cool-girl costumes I’ve perfected over the years.
My therapist recommended I take a self-defense class. I’m signed up for a four-week course which starts next week. I’m excited to learn how to better protect myself, and kick a little ass, when it’s needed.
We’re also working on me being less connected to my cell phone. I try to set blocks of time where I leave my phone somewhere out of sight. I’m not trying to go all cave woman but working on being present and using technology intentionally.
Adjusting to my space back home has gone better than I thought. I thought I’d be anxious about being home alone, or walking to my favorite spots in the city, but that isn’t the case. It’s clear that the two people who disrespected me, my boundaries, and showed lack of human decency were people I knew.
It’s hard to grow but here I am, trying to do just that. Growing and changing is hard. It’s not for the faint of heart.
I put my yoga bag and mat on the floor, freeing my hands to open the food.
I’m damn near shoveling the rich Tikka Paneer and rice into my mouth. The perfect reward to a grueling yoga class. I’m still waiting to enjoy the calm benefits of practicing because, at this point, it’s just ridiculously hard.
There’s a bark down the hall. Not uncommon. Many people have dogs in this building. One of my neighbors has a tan French bulldog but it’s nowhere near as cute as Slate. Thinking of Slate and Holland squeezes my chest. I miss them.
A knock on the door. I can’t even ask “who is it” because my mouth is chock full of paneer. I reluctantly get up and look out the peephole.
I’d scream if I didn’t have a mouth full of food.
I swing the door open to Holland and Slate. I’m not sure which one looks more excited to be here.
“Oh my god! What are you doing here?!”
I wrap my arms around Holland. He holds me tight. I melt. He’s wearing the same flannel shirt he wore on the first day we met. It could bring me to my knees.
“We missed you,” he says while he’s still hugging me.
We missed you.Swoon.
I pull away and kiss him. All over his face, like I can’t control myself. Because I can’t. Everything about Holland makes me wild.
“I’m supposed to be flying out to visit you guys in a few weeks.”
“I hope you’ll still do that. We’re just here for the weekend.”
His golden eyes stare into mine and of course he’s going to make me cry. Instead of telling me not to, he pulls me back in, and runs his hand through my hair while I get myself together. His mouth finds mine and there’s nothing else. It’s just the two of us.
Slate barks at us. Pulling me out of my Ivy and Holland fantasy.
I let them in, sit on my kitchen floor, and Slate runs for me. He’s smiling. The dog is smiling. I’m crying again.
Holland sets their bags down and sits next to me. The man terrified ofleaving the lodge and who despises the city is inmyapartment. The effort it took him to make the trip is more than most people could ever guess. The warmth spreads throughout my whole body. My soul.
He did this for me.
There we are, the three of us, on my kitchen floor. Slate flopping around trying to get any kind of attention. I rest my head on Holland’s shoulder.
“I can’t believe you’re here. In my apartment. On my kitchen floor.” I shake my legs in excitement before leaning over and kissing Holland’s cheek. He leans in, like he knew it was coming.
“Wait, how was flying with Slate?”
“Oh, it was something. He was schmoozing all the flight attendants. He got a ridiculous number of cookies and snacks on that flight. More than I’ve ever been offered.”
