“It’s hard,” she mumbled finally.
“I know.”
After flitting her gaze around the room, she finally settled on my eyes again, and all the confusion I saw there, I wanted to be able to make disappear. “Has anyone else ever seen…” she trailed off.
“Any other human?” She nodded, her jaw tensing, and my hand twitched. I wanted to hold her hand while we talked, but would that be too much for her? I wasn’t used to treading carefully. We had been so good together, physically and otherwise, and so comfortable, but now I was second-guessing every move I made. “No, you’re the only one.” When she looked away again, I added, “But it was an accident, Nikki. I never wanted you to see that part of me.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
Fuck.“Eventually.” The purse of her lips told me she wasn’t happy with that answer. “You have to understand it’s not easy to bring up. Would you have believed me if I outright told you?”
“I might have.”
“Nikki, there’s no way. Not with everything else going on. I wanted to help solve your father’s murder so you could move on with your life. Regardless of if I felt he deserved your loyalty. I wanted thatfor you.”
“Help solve?” She paused, frowning again. It seemed almost a permanent fixture now. “Did the clue in my mailbox come from you?”
“Yes.”
The frown deepened again as she worked through her thoughts. Nikki wasn’t stupid. I couldn’t have gone to her andsimply told her to check out the club because why should she believe me? And that would only lead to awkward questions.
Dammit.
“Nikki, look…” She dragged her gaze back to mine as I sighed. “I didn’t go about things the right way, I know that. I’ve made so many mistakes when it came to you and how I dealt with things. But everything I did, I did because I thought it was the right thing, and I only wanted to help and protect you.”
“Why?”
Whywas a very good question. “Because I’ve never felt more human than when I’m with you. I like who I am with you.” I grimaced, the display of emotion felt strange when spoken aloud, strange and foolish.
Her expression softened, and my hand twitched again. This time she noticed the movement and slid her fingers along the cotton bedsheets before intertwining them with mine. “I had dreams, you know?” I said nothing and waited for her to continue, squeezing her hand. “Like I was in my everyday life, but it was…off.Every now and then, you would come to me and tell me everything was going to be okay, and I’d ask youwhy are you telling me this?I couldn’t understand why you’d be reassuring me over nothing. Sometimes they were nightmares, and I was being chased or hunted. And in those dreams, you were there, as a demon…” She paused as I flinched and squeezed my eyes shut because I didn’t want to be haunting her dreams. “No, no, Cade, listen…”
I looked at her beautiful hazel eyes, her white-blonde hair falling around her shoulders, and her lips slightly parted. I wanted to kiss her.
“You were the demon, but you weren’t the one chasing me. You were the onesavingme.” She sighed, and I could see the conflict fighting within her eyes. “I guess you were just doing your job… with Dad, I mean… your fucked-up demon job.”
“I’m sorry.”
What else could I say? Fuck, emotions were so complicated. Sex and fighting were fun and easy, but this? This connection with another being, this wanting to keep them safe above all else thing? It made me stupid. I’d made some fucking idiotic decisions since I met Nikki, and while I’d do some things differently, I wouldn’t take it back. I’d run through metaphorical and physical hell over and over again if it gave her peace.
“Humans can be so fucked up,” she whispered and shook her head slightly. She looked at our intertwined hands while her fingers played with mine as she traced the lines on my palm. I was as mesmerized by the movement as she was because her touch was pure, and I wanted more.
“Everything I thought I knew about my family was a lie, and when I tried to do the right thing, I was blocked by corruption and crooks. People who didn’t play by the rules were impossible to get around because I wanted to keep to my morals. People, Cade, people fucked me over. But you…” There were tears in her eyes, and her lips lifted into a small smile for a beat when I wiped one away as it ran down her freckled cheek. “You only ever looked out for me, cared for me. You did somestupid fucking shit…”her lip twitched, it was almost a smile,“…but it wasfor me.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Who would have thought…” Nikki sighed, tilted her head, and closed her eyes as she leaned into my palm, “… a demon would be my savior among humans?”
NIKKI
Physical therapy was a drag, and it was frustrating as hell. Iknewhow to walk, Iknewhow to pick up a cup and drink, so why wouldn’t my fucking body cooperate with me? I’d be thinking something, demanding my subconscious mind relay the message to my legs, but it simply didn’t happen like that. Not straight away, anyway.
The nurses said they were happy with my progress, but I demanded faster. I wanted my reflexes back. I wanted to be able to fight, to look after myself, to shoot with accuracy, and drive like I was in the fucking Formula One.
Time,they kept telling me. It will take time.
Fucking hell.
Cade was there all day and every day until sometimes I’d kick him out and demand he go have a shower, get something to eat, and maybe grab a couple of hours of decent sleep. He fuckingsnarledat me at one point when I became too insistent and toldhim he stunk and needed a shower.
