“At dawn, we move in on the chimera nest,” Fiona announces. “Every available Shadow. We’re not letting this slip away—especially now that the Madsens have the net.”
I stand so fast that I bump the table, and more tea sloshes everywhere. “You can’t!”
“Sit down, Miss Alexander,” Fiona snarls. “This isn’t your decision to make.”
I stay on my feet, balling my fists. The familiar feeling of being dismissed, of being treated like I don’t belong, burns through me. I’m done with this.
“You’re making a mistake,” I say, determined not to let my voice waver. “They aren’t weapons or mindless forces. They’re ancient magic, and they maintained balance in nature before the coven existed.”
“Balance?” Fiona scoffs. “Tell that to the families of the people they’ve hurt.”
“They lashed out because you caged them!” My voice rises, drawing the attention of the few Shadows scattered across the lounge. “Because the coven decided it knew better than centuries of Guardians who camebefore you. You created this problem, and now you’re going to make it worse.”
Fiona’s face hardens. “This is exactly why you’re not a witch. You have no loyalty to the coven and no devotion to protecting humanity from dark magic.”
The words slice through me, but I glare at her, unwilling to shrink back. “Or I understand better than any of you. Maybe that’s why I can hear them when you can’t.”
Silence falls over our corner of the lounge. Even Fiona seems taken aback.
“Katie,” Natalie says softly, “you’re upset about Hazel. I’m concerned for her too. But we can’t let that cloud our judgment about what needs to be done. The Madsens have the net, and we need to harness all traces of bio magic before they can get a hold of it.”
Her gentle dismissal hurts worse than Fiona’s cruel one. I step away from the table, my chest tight. “You really think I’m wrong here.”
Natalie looks down, a flash of guilt in her expression. But she doesn’t contradict me.
Part of me wants to reach for her hand across this gap, but my arms stay firmly at my sides. And she doesn’t reach for me, either.
It feels like the world is spinning away from me. I’ve lost my best friend, Troy’s net, and any hope of convincing these witches to see reason. Even Natalie, the one person I thought saw me for who I truly am, thinks I’m delusional.
“Fine,” I say, my voice rough. “Go ahead with your ambush. But there’s more to the chimeras than you think, and I want you to remember I warned you.”
I walk away, leaving them to their plans. Like always, I’m just an outsider who can’t do magic, whose opinion means nothing.
Natalie doesn’t follow me, and to be honest, I’m not sure what I would do if she tried. I might tell her to go away. I might break down in tears.
But I don’t need to worry about that because she stays rooted with her coven.
My eyes prickle as I head for the Chambers wing. I couldn’t protect the chimeras, I couldn’t keep Hazel safe, and I couldn’t even convince the woman I love to believe me.
I hesitate in the corridor, unsure where to go. I don’t belong in the coven, where I’ll always be an outsider. Nor do I belong with Hazel, who’s chosen a new path. I can’t even turn to my family, who have no idea what I’m going through.
I’m completely alone.
I walk toward Natalie’s room anyway, wiping my damp cheeks. Maybe Ethel will be there, waiting to be let in. She’s my one constant through all this.
I tried so hard to be useful, to fit in, to be a part of the coven. I thought if I followed the rules and proved myself valuable, they would eventually see me as one of them—and secretly, I hoped that if I proved worthy enough, they might let me become a witch. But that was never going to happen. I was always going to be an outsider, no matter how many curses I found or chimeras I helped catch.
I’ve been so desperate to belong that I’ve doubted myself, even when I feel deep in my gut that what they’re doing is wrong. All along, I should have been questioning whether this is where I belong at all. Whether I evenneedto belong here.
So where does that leave me? If I’m not on the coven’s side and I’m not on the Madsens’ side…
I stop outside Natalie’s door and pick up Ethel, who was indeed waiting for me.
“We’ll create our own side,” I tell her, kissing her head.
The thought of standing apart from Natalie makes my heart feel like it’s being wrung out like a dishrag. I guess several things can be true: I love her, and I’m furious with her, and we both feel like we’ve let the other down. I don’t know where this leaves us. All I know is that I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not, even for her.
I’m not a witch, but I’m not normal either. I’m something in between…and it’s time to figure out exactly what that is.
