What had she been thinking?That a man who’d been married tothat womanwould ever look twice at someone like her? That the kiss they’d shared meant anything beyond a momentary lapse of judgment?
She wasplump where Catherine had been slim. Plain where Catherine had been beautiful. Common, where Catherine had been obviously noble.
There was no competition.There never had been.
“Why are ye showin’me this?” Piper asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Elijah wasquiet for a long moment, his eyes fixed on the portrait.
“Because,”he said finally. “I need ye to understand what this entire affair is all about.”
15
Elijah’s words hung in the air, but Piper barely heard them. She was too busy staring at Catherine’s portrait, at the beautiful, perfect woman who would always stand between her and?—
And what?What exactly had she been hoping for?
Nothin’.Ye’re here to teach his children, nae to compete with ghosts.
“That day,”Elijah began, his voice rough. “The day we were ambushed. I’ve replayed it a thousand times in me mind. A million times. Wonderin’ what I could have done differently.”
Piper toreher gaze from the portrait to look at him. Elijah stood rigid, his hands clenched at his sides, staring at his dead wife’s face.
“We were returnin’from McGowan’s lands. Catherine had been complainin’ the entire journey. She wanted me to buy her some expensive necklace, and dinnae care that the money would come from the relief fund for sufferin’ villagers.” His jaw tightened. “I told her nay. We argued. And then…”
He stopped,taking a breath.
“Then the carriage toppled.We were surrounded by three men. They’d killed my coach hand and the guard at the front of the carriage. I fought them off. Killed the three of them.” His voice was flat, emotionless. “But while I was fightin’, a fourth got to Catherine. Dragged her into the woods. By the time I found them, it was too late.”
“Elijah, ye daenae have to…”Piper started, but he continued as if she hadn’t spoken.
“He’d already stabbed her.Left her bleedin’ on the ground. I killed him quickly, thinkin’ if I got her back to the castle in time, I could still save her.” His hands clenched tighter. “But she was dyin’. And with her last breath, she blamed me. Said I’d been too slow. That I’d failed her.”
“That’s terrible,”Piper whispered. “But it wasnae yer fault.”
“She was right, though.”Elijah’s voice cracked slightly. “I was too slow. Too distracted by the other attackers. If I’d been faster, stronger, more aware, she’d still be alive.”
“Ye were outnumbered.”
“I’m a trained warrior!I should have been able to handle four men and still protect me wife!” The words burst out of him, raw and anguished. “But I failed. And now me children have nay maither because I wasnae good enough.”
“Elijah, nay.”Piper moved closer to him, her earlier insecurity forgotten in the face of his pain. “The bandits killed her. Nae ye. They’re the ones who attacked yer carriage, who hurt her. Ye did everythin’ ye could.”
“It wasnae enough.”
“Because it was an impossible situation!”Piper’s voice rose. “Ye cannae blame yerself for nae bein’ able to do the impossible!”
“And yet I do.”Elijah finally looked at her, and the agony in his eyes made her chest ache. “Every single day, I blame meself. Because if I’d only been better, and faster, or stronger, she’d still be here. Me children would still have their maither. And I?—”
He stopped,turning back to the portrait.
“I ken ye loved her,”Piper said quietly, even though saying the words clawed at her heart. “I ken how hard it must be to lose someone ye cared for so deeply. But that’s nay reason to blame yerself for whatever happened.”
“Loved her?”Elijah’s head whipped around, his expression bewildered. “Is that what ye think? That I loved Catherine?”
Piper blinked. “Ye… ye dinnae?”
“Nay.”The word came out harsh, almost bitter. “I could barely stand her most of the time.”
