CORDELIE
Ihave to swallow the whimper that instantly wants to exit my lips when I finally see Sly. He's lying on his bed, all bruised up, one arm in a cast and the other wrapped in bandages, and cradled in a navy blue splint, his eyes are black and swollen, and his nose is splinted from being broken. His face looks exhausted, and I notice the pain in his eyes as he tries to weakly smile at me, revealing his cracked front tooth. "Oh my god, Sly! Do they know who did this to you?" I reach for his hand, but he winces, and I instantly feel terrible for causing him more pain.
"Random attack," he gulps, but refuses to meet my glance, and I wonder if he's ashamed he got beaten up. I want to reassure him that there's nothing he could have done. It's obvious this person was some unhinged psychopath. Maybe it's a guy thing, like he believes getting hurt means he's less manly or something, when nothing could be further from the truth.
"Is there anything I can do for you or get you?" I twist my fingers nervously, feeling unsure how to help him now. I want to bring up what happened between us in my apartment and apologize, but I worry I'll make things worse. "I can run and grab you some soup!" I turn toward the doorway, feeling reliefat the prospect of escaping, even though I have no idea where to get soup at this time, it's only just after nine in the morning.Weakling, always running from problems. You can never face anything head-on. Disgusting. Pathetic. Broken.
"No... um... that's okay," he groans as he shifts on his bed, and I instantly return to his side, my hands reaching for him before he recoils, and I feel my face and neck heat with humiliation. "I'm... just exhausted, Cordie." He once again refuses to meet my gaze, and I know I'm not imagining the fact that he doesn't want me here.No one ever wants you. Why don't you save yourself the mortification and stay away from everyone?
"I… I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and you didn't need anything." I turn toward the door again and stop with my back to him. "I'm really sorry, Sly, for how things went down between us, and that you're hurt right now. I... I totally understand… if you don't want to be friends anymore." My shoulders slump, and I feel my stomach sink at the thought of losing Sly. He's been such an integral part of my everyday life since Noah destroyed mine, and I can't imagine not leaning on him.He's not your crutch, and he's sick of your whimpering and pathetic behavior. He sees the real you, and he finds you lacking.
I hear shifting behind me, but I'm too scared to look back and see either sympathy across his features, because I'm pathetic, or worse, relief that I'm finally leaving. "Cordie... I'm sorry too. We can still be friends, but I need some time... to process."
I nod my head and swipe at the unbidden tear that's descending down my cheek. "I understand. I hope you feel better soon, Sly." I force my feet to move as I head toward their front door, my heart beating roughly in my chest as I pass Bryan on the way out. His expression makes me feel nothing but self-loathing. It's the same look that most people who knew mewhen I was with Noah constantly give me now. The one that says I'm irrevocably broken. He doesn't stop me, and I'm almost positive he was eavesdropping on our conversation, and that should offend me, but at this point, it's just par for the course with the way my life is going. "Take care of him, Bryan. If there's something he needs, reach out to Faye, and she'll get it for him." I don't bother to offer myself because I don't think I would be welcome back here.
"Cordie, look, I'm sorry it's gone down like this. I think you're a nice girl, but if I'm being honest, I'm glad he's finally waking up to the fact that you're never going to want to be with him, like he wants to be with you. What Noah did to you was shit, and you didn't deserve that, but can you honestly say you're over him and ready to move on?" I look over my shoulder at Bryan's tense face, lined with exhaustion and worry for his best friend. He firmly believes I'm going to hurt Sly. That stops any argument I could have made, because a part of me fears he's right. "I'm not saying you don't care about him, Cordie. It's just that you use Sly's feelings for you to make yourself feel safe and wanted, but from what I can see, you're still in love with that prick."
I swallow the lump in my throat, and swipe angrily at more of the tears that refuse to stop pouring out of me. I want to correct him, and tell him that's not the way I treat or think of Sly, but my lips refuse to budge, because some part of me knows that he's speaking only truths. Instead, I walk out the door and make it all the way to the small park across the street before I break down, and allow the fountain of emotions choking me to fester and blow, as ragged sobs descend on me.So weak, so broken. Is it a wonder no one wants you?
I've now lost Sly too, and it's all because of that asshole Noah Tisdale. He's a bloody plague, everything he touches and everywhere he goes, he leaves nothing but poison and vicious scars in his wake. When will I be free of him, of this mess, ofthe emotions that threaten to push me toward insanity? I was a normal girl with a life, friends, and aspirations, before Noah Tisdale stumbled into my world and turned it upside down. Now, after him, it's like I'm living in a wasteland with nothing blooming around me, and I'm just waiting to die.Why don't you actually do the world a favor and make that happen?
I pull out my phone, ready to call Faye and tell her we're spending the rest of the day drinking, but when I unlock my screen, I see I have two messages waiting, one from Sly, and a notification from the Anti-Valentine's app. Maybe Sly changed his mind? Then I realize that's not even possible, as his phone was stolen during his attack. The momentary hope sinks to the pit of my stomach as I open his message to see it's from last night.
Cordie, I don't know how to keep doing this with you. I care so much about you. I understand what you're going through, or at least I'm trying, but I don't think this is healthy for either of us. You're not over him, and I'm half in love with you. Watching you self-destruct over that piece of shit is killing me.
I think we should maybe give each other a little space. You need to work through your pain and Noah's betrayal, and I need to really consider if I'm willing to always be in last place in your heart.
I almost drop the phone with the way my hands are shaking, and how my body is vibrating with my sobs. I'm hurting everyone around me, just like Noah did to me. Why can't I just move past all of this and on with my life? Women get cheated on every day all over the world, but they don't fall apart like I have.They don't let their ex continue to destroy their life and hide from the world, hoping not to have to see him. Maybe I need to seriously consider leaving college and starting over somewhere else where no one knows me, and I won't run into Noah or Josslyn. That way, I could finally escape all the reminders of my weakness and leave them behind me.You think running will save you? Are you going to run from your mind and heart too? His ghost will follow you wherever you go. You'll never be free from him.
No! I refuse to believe that this will be the rest of my life. That I'll never be able to get past this moment in time when I was a stupid, trusting girl, and someone showed me I shouldn't have been. Life is supposed to teach you a lesson, and I've learned mine painfully. I'm too soft, gullible, and weak. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet without depending on anyone else. Not Faye or Sly, not my parents, no one. I should be able to fight my own battles and protect myself. Noah Tisdale has taught me that this world is filled with evil people who want to hurt you for no reason. That putting your heart out there is to get it crushed under someone's boot. I'll never make that mistake again. I’ll never allow anyone close enough to hurt me like he has.
The other notifications on my phone catch my eye again, and I angrily wipe at my face, utterly sick of my own shit. First, I click on the other text message waiting, and I instantly notice it's from a number I don't recognize. God, when is this shit going to stop? Who the hell is this person sending me these messages? Could it be Josslyn and her friends playing some sick joke with me, or is this coming from a man?
Your mouth is so pretty, even when it looks sad. I long to kiss it and make you smile. Everything about you is perfect. You should be mine. You were always meant to be only mine.
Holy shit, this person is such a creeper! Who sends anonymous messages like this to someone? God, maybe I only attract the crazy ones. I must give off some pheromone that says I'm ripe for the hurting or something. I block the number and delete the message. My finger hesitates over the Anti-Valentine's app as I take a shuddering breath. This app, this one night, this experience, it will change me. It will make me stronger, someone who can finally get past Noah Tisdale, and maybe I can move on and have my life back. I click on the app, and it shows that I've been matched with someone with a profile called'The Hunter'.There's a message icon flashing, and I click on it, my blood rushing loudly in my ears as I read over the message waiting for me.
Hey, Red. I'm looking forward to chasing you through the woods and bringing your fantasy to life. I'll just bet you taste delicious, pretty girl. Are you going to be a good girl and cum on my cock, bleed, and scream for me? You have the prettiest lips in your photo. I can't wait to see them in person, wrapped around my big cock.
Ohmyfuckinggod!I feel my body heat and my core clench in response to all his dirty words. A part of me instantly wants to delete the message, and remove the app from my phone, but instead, I steady myself, taking a few more deep breaths. That's how Cordelie from before would behave. She'd be frightened andembarrassed. I'm trying to be the new and improved Cordelie. The one who doesn't run from situations like these and meets them head-on. The one who can move on from being cheated on by her boyfriend, and betrayed by her best friend.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way this guy is speaking to me. I signed up for a night of carnal pleasure with a stranger. If I'm being honest with myself, I find all his dirty talk incredibly hot, so much so that I can feel how damp my panties are as they stick to me. I'm not a prude, I'm a grown-ass woman who needs to own her own sexuality, and this is a way to do that. This man, this encounter, can help free me from the chains I've wrapped around myself, and I need to grasp onto this lifeline, and break the hold my past has on me.
I bite my bottom lip as I think about how I should respond. Images from the videos I've watched recently run through my mind, and I feel myself getting even more flustered. How would Faye respond to his message? God, she has so much courage. I wish I were half as brave as she is. She wouldn't hesitate to dirty talk back. She would give as good as she gets.
Are you my naughty wild wolf? You're making a lot of promises here, little hunter. Are you sure you can deliver? I would hate to be disappointed. As for being a good girl and coming on your cock, you'll have to catch me first. Don't worry, if you manage to catch me, I'll scream and cream for you.
I rummage through my bag for my red lipstick and coat my lips with it. I take a picture of my lips, blowing him a kiss, and send it with the message. Next, I text Faye to say we're getting all-day mimosas, and to meet me at the restaurant we love. I walk out of the park, excitement coursing through me, and withhope that my life can finally change, and that I can be free of Noah Tisdale for good.
Fuck you, Noah Tisdale.I'm going to allow this guy to fuck me into the ground, and fill up any hole he wants, and when that night is over, you'll be a bad memory, and I'll have this one to replace you.
CHAPTER 9
CORDELIE
"God, I'm never drinking another mimosa in my life," I groan as my stomach feels like it's on a ship in rough waters. I swipe at my crusty eyes, feeling my eyelashes sticking together in the corners from yesterday's leftover mascara. "How did we even get home? I don't remember the walk back to our apartment."
"That's ‘cause you were drunk off your ass, barefoot, and singing Taylor Swift songs at a high pitch." Faye giggles as she pours me some much-needed coffee. I glare at her, but she doesn't seem to be too bad, considering how many drinks I suspect we had. Unlike me, who's definitely praying for death with how badly my head is aching.
