I reach below the table and grab her thigh, squeezing until she flinches and tries to hide what I'm doing to her, with a fake smile toward the girl who's watching us intently. "I don't care who's at the party, and neither should you, Joss. As for her being pathetic, babe, don't throw insults around until you've looked in the mirror, it's like living in a glass house and all." I'm done waiting for the waitress. I need that fucking drink right now. I release my hold on Josslyn's leg and drag my chair backward quickly, walking away from both bitches that are now staring at me like I've sprouted a second head. I should be worried that Josslyn will make me pay for that little dig later, but the truth is that I don't actually care, and she won't stay mad for long before she's back deep-throating my cock like a champ. Yeah, our relationship is extremely toxic, but that's what gets us both off.
I press my forearms against the top of the cool granite bar, as I wait for the bartender to be done serving the patron a few seats down. My body is flush with misery, every part of me rejecting the need to keep standing and breathing. Every molecule insideof me wants to storm out of this place and go pound on Cordelie's door, get down on my fucking knees, and beg for her forgiveness. I know I won't. I can't, because I remember that look on her face when she caught us. The look of her heart shattering. The one I was supposed to protect and keep safe, but instead treated like garbage under my feet. "Scotch double neat, and keep them coming until I'm not seeing straight." I nod as the bartender acknowledges me.
"Yeah, like you sign up through the app and all these bitches have their dirtiest fantasies on there, and for one night you can fulfill them, and treat them like whores." I catch the conversation next to me, as the guy shows his phone to his buddy next to him. I try to be discreet as I peek over to see what he's showing him, but the angle's off, and I can't get a good look. "They're all wearing masks that cover their faces, and you have to wear one too for the night of the event. You should see some of the requests on here. Some of the women want to have a train run on them, and some want to be tied up. There's even one that wants to be chased through the woods and fucked into the ground. She's wearing a red riding hood cape that hides her features in her profile pic, like fuck yes, I want to be yourbig bad wolf,baby." He chuckles and puts his phone down face-up on the counter, and I finally get a look at the screen.
"Hey, sorry for eavesdropping, but what app is that?" I inquire after downing my scotch, and the bartender instantly refills it. The guy looks over at me with annoyance, but then his face transforms into a smirk. I'm not sure if he recognizes me from campus, or if I've sold him drugs recently. I used to be on the football team, that is, before my friend Sly got me kicked off for dealing drugs, within weeks of Cordelie realizing what a shit human I am. I used to be a lot of things, but now I'm nothing, and I have no one else to blame but myself.
"Hey, man, it's a new app for Valentine's. Get this, it's a one-night thing where you get to live out all of your sickest, kinkiest fantasies. You pair with a match, and on February fourteenth, instead of dealing with all that cupid bullshit, you get fucked up and fuck around with a mask on. You don't know them, and they don't know you. Then, poof, at midnight, the app disappears, and it was like it never happened." I can feel his excitement; he's practically trembling with it. I can think of numerous reasons why this app and situation are a bad idea, and how it can lead to people getting hurt, but I don't utter a single word. Who am I to warn him about consequences? I'm still swallowing mine, and they're filled with jagged glass.
I pull out my phone and go to the app store. "What's the app called?" I question as I down the next shot, and feel my chest tighten as the hard liquor burns on its way to my guts.
"Anti-Valentine's Match,kinda catchy, isn't it?" He laughs and shows me his screen again, and I pull it up on my phone. He looks over his shoulder at Josslyn and her friend, who are still staring daggers at me. "Hey, isn't one of them your girl?" He questions as his eyes latch onto Josslyn's massive tits, threatening to spill from her shirt.
I down the next glass, my head beginning to spin a bit, as I pocket my phone after downloading the app. I glance back at Josslyn and roll my eyes. "Yup, the blonde with the big tits. Feel free to cop a feel. She likes it when men feel her up, it makes her feel pretty." I turn around, ignoring her, and get ready to escape before calling over the bartender. "The blonde, that's my girlfriend, she's paying for my drinks, and whatever these guys want to."
"Thanks, man, that's cool of you," the guy with the app taps me on the arm, happiness radiating off him. I'd love to stick around and see Josslyn's face when she gets hit with the bill formy top shelf liquor, but I find I've had all I can take of her for one night without literally wanting to die.
I go to turn away, stumbling a bit as my head spins, and a snort escapes my lips. Fuck, I'm not going to be able to drive. The expensive scotch is starting to hit me hard, so I'd better call for an Uber. Guess I should use Josslyn's account, she'd want me to be safe and all as I flee from her for the night, and look for someone more exciting to fuck, and who reminds me less of what a failure I am.
"Friend," I hiccup, "Don't forget to wrap it up when fucking my girlfriend, you have no idea where she's been." I tap him on the shoulder and stagger my way out of the bar toward the street.
I stare up at the night sky, and all the pretty stars, as I wait for a green Honda Civic, and a guy namedChuck, to pick me up. I wonder what Cordelie is doing right now and who she's with, even though I have no right to.Fuck, I'm so sorry, baby. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't, and you're better off without me dragging you down into the filth.
I think about stepping into oncoming traffic, but before I can do much more than take a drunken step, Chuck and his Civic pull up. "You Noah?"
I pry open the back door and slip inside with an exhausted huff. "Yeah, but I wish I wasn't."
CHAPTER 4
CORDELIE
Iexit my English Literature class in a daze, feeling like I retained nothing of the hour-long lecture. My mind's been all over the place all day, and I barely slept last night after filling out the Anti-Valentine's Match form, and tossing and turning, rethinking what I've done. I'm still horrified and embarrassed about all the things I put down, even though Faye didn't judge me for it. I wonder if there's something really messed up inside my head that makes me desire those things. What sane person wants to be hunted through dark woods, in the middle of the night, by a masked man who throws her down, ties her up, and fucks her while she tries to fight back? Like in a dark romance novel, sure, why not, but in real life? Yeah, no, that should never happen. Yet here I am.
You are sick. There's always been something wrong with you, but you try so hard to hide it. It's why people leave you: they see the rot inside of you, and they want no part of it.
I'm so disoriented with my thoughts that I don't realize I've walked right into someone until my teeth rattle from the impact, and my bag falls off my shoulder. "I'm so..." The remainder of my words die on my lips when the large male I banged intoturns around, and I get a glimpse of his face. No, this can't be fucking happening to me. Not even karma is that much of a bitch. I quickly attempt to turn around and flee, but before I can, his large, veiny hand strikes out and grabs my forearm, his fingers digging into my skin as I try to pull away. "Release me!" I demand while avoiding looking directly at him, and instead glancing over his shoulder. I can feel how hard my heart is beating in my chest, and I'm struggling to draw air into my lungs, as he stares so intently at me that I feel my skin crawl.
"No," he says it so casually, as if there's no big deal in the fact that he's restraining me. His body completely turns toward mine, and I once again try to take a step backward, my mind racing as I consider using my bag to hit him in the face. Before I can do anything, he forces me backward, my feet sliding in my ballet flats that find no purchase on the stone floor, and he pushes me up against the hallway wall, caging me in, as he leans his towering frame toward me. My stomach twists painfully with shame and confusion as I realize how helpless he's making me feel, and I struggle to find clarity amid the chaos Noah is creating in my head. "You thinking of hitting me, sweet baby girl?" I can feel his warm, peppermint breath on my face, and the heat radiating off of his larger body pressing against mine. My stomach ties itself in knots as the nickname he used to call me slips from his lips.
I grit my teeth and use my forearm that's trapped between our bodies to shove at his chest, but he barely acknowledges the effort. "Leave me alone, Noah." My voice sounds breathy and weak as I make the demand, and that instantly enrages me.You are weak; look how easily he overpowered you.
"I don't think I want to, Cordelie." He pushes his chest further into my body, and the scent of his heady cologne, a mixture of mint, anise, and lemon, intoxicates my senses. "In fact, I'm quite happy right where I am at the moment."
I need to get out of here and away from him, the thought blares over and over in my head, as my body reacts in panic and tenses. My mind screams for freedom, but my body is frozen, caught between fear and helplessness, seized in this vicious circle of Noah hurting me again and again without care. His hand rises and grabs onto my chin, tilting it up and away from where I was staring at his chest, and forcing me to look up at his face, but I instantly close my eyes like the coward I am. "Look at me, sweet baby girl, please," he demands, and there's a note of sadness and desperation in his tone that has me relenting, and staring into his dark, obsidian gaze.
This close, I notice the deep, purple shadows under his eyes, as if he hasn't been sleeping, and how his cheekbones seem to protrude further beneath the dark stubble he's allowed to grow, as if he's lost some weight and can't be bothered to shave. My eyes follow the movement of his lips, and his tongue peeks out and moistens the bottom one before biting its surface, and I've never had a desire to bite a lip more than I do at this moment. A strand of thick dark hair falls over one of his eyes, giving him a softer look to his features than I've glimpsed recently. His head comes closer until his nose is pressed slightly against mine, and our faces are so close that I can see all the red veins in the whites of his eyes. "I've always loved your eyes, Cordelie. Beautiful storm-filled clouds, I could stare at them for hours."
He takes a deep breath, as if inhaling my scent, and exhales harshly. "God, you always smell so good, baby, like sunshine and wild flowers." His hand leaves my chin and slides down my neck, as his fingers produce a trail of heat before they wrap loosely around the slim column, and I gasp my next breath with the contact. "Have you missed me the way I've missed you, sweet baby girl? Does this heart miss mine?"
All the air leaves my lungs, and my knees threaten to buckle, as I press myself as hard as I can into the wall to stop my bodyfrom touching his. It's no use; he's determined to crush me some more, as if what he's already done to me wasn't ever going to be enough to satisfy his miserable, dark soul. I force the lump in my throat down, swallowing so loudly that I can clearly hear the sound, which means he can too. I wonder if he can feel how hard my heart is beating in a mixture of fear, terror, and despair in my chest. I catch the crinkling at the sides of his eyes as he pulls away slightly, and they narrow on my lips. No, please, I can't do this. I can't allow him to kiss me.
He doesn't give a shit about me. He's just playing some sadistic game, and getting his rocks off by crushing what's left of my wretched, bleeding heart. The one he not only left in tatters when he betrayed me, but ground his foot over the shards until there was no chance of ever saving it. The recollection of all the pain he's caused me, all the nights I've cried myself to sleep, and how he played me, compels my spine to solidify like thick steel. I propel myself to stand taller, pushing against his hold once more, as I inhale much-needed oxygen. I won't allow him to continue to hurt me, or make me into his plaything. "Get away from me, you disgusting, betraying, manwhore! You make my skin fucking crawl," I grit with vehemence.
His eyes widen, and his lips part into a grin, as if he finds me amusing and not a threat in the slightest, but then again, why would he? I was always the girl who let him walk all over me. The one who didn't follow her intuition sooner, and gave him the benefit of the doubt, even when my heart and mind were screaming that something was really wrong between us.
"You've grown teeth, baby. I like it." He presses his hips into mine, and I can feel the outline of his hardening cock against my stomach. Bile fills the back of my throat with the knowledge that he truly is a monster who enjoys hurting me. How did I never see this side of him? How was he able to hide it from me for so long?It was always there, but you chose not to see it. You were just grateful anyone wanted you.
I raise my knee and slam it harshly into his groin until a whoosh of air escapes his lips, and he releases his hold on my neck, doubling over in pain, and knocking my tote bag to the ground, causing all the contents to scatter across the floor. "Fuck, Cordelie, that hurt!" He groans, his face turning a lovely shade of red, as I scramble to throw my things back into my bag and flee. My hands tremble, and I re-drop my items, as a cold sweat breaks out on my back, making my blouse stick to me.
