Faye reaches down, grabs my face, stares into my eyes, then looks behind me. I watch the reactions cross her pale complexion, and as her expression turns from shock to fury, I get my answer on whether she was party to what they were doing together, and relief fills me. "WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK, JOSS! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER, YOU'RE HER BEST FRIEND!" Faye screams over my shoulder, her body trembling with rage, as she holds me so tightly against her frame that I'm having a hard time getting any oxygen into my lungs.
"Cordelie, baby, please. I can... I can explain!" Noah's voice causes more tears to slide down my face, until I'm positive that I'm soaking Faye in them. Explain? How the fuck is he going to explain this? Does he think I'm stupid?
"Yo, bro, I think it's best you back off!" I hear one of the guys, slightly ahead of me, uttering with anger and authority, and feel movement as they step between my body and Noah's.
"Explain?! How the fuck you gonna stand there naked, with that bitch's juices on your nasty cock, and try to explain you fucking her best friend at a party she's at with you, Noah?!" Faye screams and pushes me behind her, and someone else'slarge arms wrap around and squeeze me. "And you! You nasty fucking bitch! You knew she was here, you came with us! Who the fuck does that to their best friend? You're trash!" My head spins, and the lack of oxygen getting to my lungs is causing the dizziness to get worse, and my vision is filling with white spots.
"Cordie! Shit! Breathe, girl! Fuck, Faye! Faye, she's not breathing!" The gruff, panicked male picks me up like a child, and cradles me in his massive arms, as he moves away from the crowd. Air, I need air! I can't breathe, and my heart feels like it's trying to explode out of my chest.
"Cordelie!" Noah's voice continues to scream for me, and I feel jostling behind us as he tries to get to me.
"Stay the fuck back, man, this is not cool," someone else shouts, but it's all background noise to my heart shattering into a million pieces, and slicing me open.
"Cordelie, please, baby!" Noah's voice is shrill with desperation before I'm hauled out of the space, and all I see is the night sky.
I shake my head, clearing the nauseating memories, and feeling a coat of sweat slicking my body beneath my clothes. "Cordie, girl, breathe, snap the fuck out of it!" Faye's grip pulls me closer to her, and finally, I come back to the here and now. "You can't let them keep doing this to you. You're giving them the power to ruin your life. They don't deserve it."
"I know," I whisper weakly as I take a deep breath. "I just... I need a moment of fresh air, Faye, then I'll be alright." I fake a smile and squeeze her hands that are now gripping mine as I meet her worried glare. In them, I see sympathy and grief for me, as well as the anger that is always just simmering for what Noah and Josslyn did to me.What they did, or what you allowed to happen 'cause you're weak, ugly, and undesirable?
"Uh uh, nope, none of that. Whatever you're saying to yourself in your head right now, fuck that shit, Cordie. They arescum, and you didn't do anything to deserve any of that." Her hand rises, and she gently cradles my cheek. "You're a beautiful, intelligent, gentle, and loving human, and you did not deserve any of that. You need to listen to me, 'cause you know I'm right."
The crowd parts around us for a large body, and I instantly feel a sense of relief as I get a whiff of his soothing cologne. "Hey, what's happening? You okay, Cordie? You look pale as fuck right now," Sly's voice questions, and then he must look over my head with his towering height, and get a glimpse of what's freaked me out. "Unfuckingbelieveable." His thick, muscular arm wraps around my shoulder tightly, and he and Faye help steer me toward the doorway, as if he can sense the panic radiating off of me. "Let's go for a walk and get some air, pretty girl. This place suddenly smells toxic and rank."
"Okay," I whisper weakly, and allow my body to be maneuvered through the crowd. Just before we exit the glass shop door, I turn my head at the last minute and glance back, and a pair of dark eyes meets mine. My eyes slide down, taking in his stiff features: his dark eyebrows are furrowed over a pair of obsidian eyes glistening with malevolence, burrowing holes through me. His square jaw is locked tight, and his lips are in a straight line, a look of unfriendliness radiating toward me. I force my eyes to keep going, following the line of his large body to his arms wrapped around my former best friend's chest, pulling her tight into his body as she chats with the girl next to her.
Yup, I'm not strong enough for any of this."Faye, I need a fucking drink now," I demand as I push my way out of the space, grabbing onto Sly's arm to prevent my legs from crumpling, and making me face-plant on the concrete, as the crisp early February air hits my clammy skin. I've made enough of an ass of myself today already by allowing him to witness the scars he's left behind, and how he's still impacting me. That's all he gets.He doesn't get to feel further satisfaction from how I'm bleeding out, from the way he tore my heart out and stomped on it.
"Sly, take me somewhere to drink, and then take me home to fuck my brains out."
CHAPTER 2
CORDELIE
The door shuts quietly as I escape my bathroom and make my way into the small living room of the apartment I share with Faye, my face still flaming with embarrassment. "You can come out now. He's gone, girlie," Faye's voice hollers at me. She looks up from her phone at me, wearing a cute pair of flannel shorts and a crop top that says'ew, men',her body relaxed against the oversized, plush sofa, and her bare feet, with bright coral toenails, crossed at the ankles on our coffee table. My nose wrinkles at the sight of her feet, but I swallow my objection, knowing full well I have bigger issues at the moment than my foot phobia. "You flaked on him, again?" Her elegant, dark auburn eyebrow rises questioningly.
Ugh, I wish I weren't so mortified right now. I can feel my cheeks going bright red, and I hate it. It shouldn't even be a big deal that I once again invited Sly over, thinking I could sleep with him, let him undress me, and eat me out, only to dash his hopes at the last minute. I'm so fucking stupid and pathetic. Why did I do that to him? He's such a kind and fantastic guy, with a gentle smile and soft eyes that seem to understand everything I'm going through. I know he genuinely cares about me. Hewouldn't put up with me constantly changing my mind if he didn't.Yeah, all men are good, until they're not, you know that firsthand, don't ya?
"What was it this time, Cordie?" Faye places her phone on her exposed, toned stomach and glowers at me. "You know he's one of the good ones, right? He's not like'the cunt who shall not be named'.He actually cares about you and your well-being, and he's broken off his friendship with him. He took your side." Fuck, she doesn't need to remind me. I know all of this. I just don't know why it keeps happening to me. I want to move forward with my life, but I don't know how; it's like a giant roadblock stops me every time I try. I push my dark hair away from my face with agitation, and drag my hand over my swollen lips, still feeling the effects of Sly's passionate kisses, and it makes me feel even worse. Why can't I just move on?
"It's not like I haven't tried, Faye. I... I just can't seem to go any further." I plop myself down on the sofa next to her, feeling like a completely useless turd. Every time I lead Sly on and then change my mind, I feel worse. I would be lucky to be with someone like him.Yeah, cause you're worthless. No one truly wants you; he's just picking up messy seconds. He feels sorry for you.
"Girl, I could hear you two through the walls. You seemed to be having a good time, then all of a sudden he's leaving, and looking like a puppy that was just kicked. What gives?" She questions, and I can see the concern and confusion all over her face.
"I didn't want to lead him on. I thought I could just fuck him and somehow it would help me get past Noah and what happened, but every time I try, I see them in my mind. I see the way he stared at me, and how he was with her." My hands tremble in my lap, and instantly, Faye's expression changes toone of compassion.God, you're so pathetic, always looking for sympathy.
It's also a festering wound inside of me that, after everything went down, the two of them ended up in a relationship, and stayed together all these months, all while I was left humiliated and disgusted. At first, our friends were on my side, or took no sides, but after a few weeks, that all changed. Josslyn started spreading vicious gossip about me having pushed Noah away, and being a frigid, controlling bitch. I know she was trying to make herself look better, and justify why she slept with her best friend's boyfriend, but it added to the pain and betrayal I was already feeling. Some people pushed back, like Faye, Sly, and a few others, not believing the lies being spread, which Noah did nothing to dispute. Sly dropped both of them as friends, and went out of his way to avoid being anywhere near them, but others forgave quickly and instead froze me out. As for Faye, she's my most vigorous defender, so much so that she and Josslyn have been in vicious physical confrontations over the last couple of months, which have made things much more complicated, as they're both on the same cheer team, and are forced to be around each other.
"Maybe you need to sleep with someone you don't know. Like a way to break through all of the damage Noah did to you. I know he's living rent-free in your head even after how he disrespected you," Faye admonishes, like I haven't already thought of something along those lines. I even signed up for one of those apps whose sole purpose is to have a one-night stand, but then I couldn't bring myself to look at any of the profiles. The fear that Noah might be on there, paralyzing me, even though I know he's with Josslyn now.Once a cheat, always a cheat. He'll do to her what he did to you. A tiger doesn't change its stripes, and a cheater doesn't alter his morals.
"Easier said than done, Faye. It's not like we live in a huge area, chances are it'll be someone from school, someone who knows them or me. I... I can't handle the thought of them thinking I'm so pathetic, so broken, and worthless that my boyfriend did that to me while I was in the same house with him." The truth is, he probably did it many more times while I was present and unaware of what was happening, but since neither of them will take any responsibility for the harm they caused me, it's a moot point.
"You're not broken or worthless, nor are you pathetic. You have to stop having these thoughts. They rob you of your self-worth, and that's not okay. The truth, girl, is that you were with a shady motherfucker, and had a dirty, rotten skank as a best friend who shoved a dagger in your back. Neither of them was worthy of you, and karma will end up fucking both of them with a giant sledgehammer up the ass." She reaches over and grabs one of my hands, pulling me closer to her so she can lay her head against my shoulder. "The best revenge you can have over them, Cordie, is to move on and be happy."
I know she's right, and I want that too. I don't desire to constantly feel like a shell of myself. I'm no longer enjoying my college experience. I avoid parties and gatherings in hopes of not having to see them. I'm drinking and smoking up more than I ever have; in fact, I can't remember a day since it happened where I haven't needed either a drink or a blunt to get through my day. I'm doing lousy in school, and my grades are dropping so much that my academic advisor is worried I might not graduate this year. I barely eat, my appetite's disappeared, and I've lost so much weight that my clothes hang off of me now. My whole world has come crashing down around me, and I can't seem to keep my head above water anymore. I keep thinking I might need to leave school and start over somewhere else, butthe thought feels like a block of ice in my chest. "I know, I want that too, I just don't know how to make it happen."
A bright bouquet of mixed flowers catches my eye on the counter, and instantly, trepidation fills me. That's the third one in two weeks. They just keep randomly showing up at our apartment with no card attached. I thought at first that they might be from Noah, but then why would he send me flowers now that he's happy with Josslyn? It makes no sense it would be from him. The flowers, combined with the random calls from unknown numbers I keep getting, where all I hear is someone breathing heavily in the background, are starting to freak me the fuck out. Should I be worried that I have a stalker now, or could it be just a random admirer who is too shy to talk to me? I get up quickly and dump the flowers in the trash, my skin crawling with their touch, and make my way back to the sofa with annoyance as Faye watches me intently.
She suddenly sits up and grabs both of my hands in hers, meeting my glance, and I witness a small smirk beginning. Oh shit, I know that look, that's her unhinged look, like we're going to set fire to Josslyn's car or something again. Not that I didn't enjoy stabbing three of her tires (yeah, not four, I didn't want her insurance to pay her out, fuck her), and shattering her window and pouring copious amounts of jarred pickles inside her vehicle. I heard it was quite a sight to behold once she saw the damage, not that I would know, I was too busy hiding in my apartment and attempting not to look guilty.
