CHAPTER 1
CORDELIE
My neck heats with the sensation of someone's eyes on me, and it makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat before I compel myself to stay still. I try to discreetly get a glimpse at who might be staring at me so intensely, but the coffee shop is crammed with students, and hot as hell. My roommate, Faye, meets my glance briefly with her dark blue eyes, and I immediately pick up on her annoyance, as her smile drops from her lips and turns into a scowl. She's now staring daggers at someone over my shoulder, with such vehemence that it causes my breath to quicken, and my chest to constrict painfully. I'm feeling exposed and vulnerable, caught in a moment where I can't escape her rising anger or this situation. There are only two people she has that much malice for.Fuck.
"Don't you dare think of running, Cordie. He doesn't deserve it, and I won't fucking let you. Fuck that guy, and that nasty bitch." Her hand strikes out and presses down on my now shaking knee as I feel more heat rise up my spine, and my stomach ties into knots. I force myself to take a deep breath in and out, feeling the beginning of a panic attack rising, and my eyes already watering. Not here, please not here. Not in front ofall these people so that they can see how broken and weak I am.You are weak; look at how you're shaking, and he's nowhere near you. Embarrassing. Pathetic. Disgusting.
My chest tightens, and I wonder if I can hold it together long enough to get out of this place.I can do this. He can’t hurt me.No matter how many times I repeat the mantra in my head, I know I'm seconds from darting out of this seat, and running out of this place like I'm on fire. I can't do this, I can’t see him with... her. "Faye... please," I beg, my voice cracking as a wave of terror crashes over me, making me feel small and powerless in this crowded space.
"Girl, why shouldyoube the one feeling uncomfortable, and constantly darting away? He's the one who did you dirty, and everyone knows it. He's scum, and he for sure downgraded," she huffs with frustration. That's one of the main problems, though; everyone knows what he did to me. Everyone on this small campus knows how he strung me along for months, lied to my face, and made a fool of me, while he was sleeping with her. Everyone knew, and no one told me. Instead, they let me find out in the most horrifically painful way.
God, I need a drink right now, or ten, just to cope with all the self-loathing that's running through my veins. I was such a trusting, naive idiot. I couldn't see what was right in front of me the whole time. He was the villain in my story, and not the white knight he tried to convince me he was.We knew, we just didn't want to believe he would hurt us.
The memories begin to run through my mind, only to further torture me before I can slam them away behind the steel vault I keep all my recollections of him in. It's useless, though. My mind won't let me forget, and my heart won't allow me to forgive.Forgive? Hell no, not unless you've stabbed him in the heart like he did to you.
"Hey, have you seen Noah?" I question his teammate, Sly, as he brings his bottle of beer to his lips and quickly looks away. It's been happening all night here at this party with all of our friends, and it's making me queasy, and feel like I'm unwanted.
Did I do something wrong to upset our friends? I try to wrack my brain, wondering if I was rude after the guys' football game last week, or if I've been too clingy with Noah lately. I feel my face flame red, and sweat breaks out down my back despite my lightweight summer dress, and my long, thick brown hair being in a messy bun on the top of my head. I tangle my fingers nervously together, and shift back and forth on my heels with uncertainty. "Sly, did I do something to upset you and the other guys?" I feel embarrassed even asking, and I know it probably makes me look pathetic, but I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've fucked up.
Sly reaches out and grabs my wrist, pulling my hands away from each other as I strangle my fingers and dig my thumbnail into my palm, and his dark eyes meet mine. "You haven't done anything wrong, Cordie, nothing at all, girl." He turns his face away and mumbles something under his breath that I don't quite catch, only hearing the words, 'idiot’ and ‘undeserving’, and releases his hold on my wrist. "I haven't seen Noah since he first got here with you. Maybe try upstairs." Upstairs? Why would Noah be upstairs? That's where the bedrooms are. "Hey, Cordie, on second thought, scratch that, girl. Maybe he left with one of the guys for a beer run." A guilty look had crossed Sly's face before his features shut down into a cold mask, and I'm unsure if I actually witnessed it.
I stare at the wooden stairs leading to the second floor of this house, which is owned by one of the football players' parents. I feel my stomach drop and my hands break out in a cold sweat. Noah wouldn't have left the party without tellingme, would he? He's been acting so weird toward me lately. He's always disappearing, and not answering his phone or my texts.
You're constantly being a clingy bitch and suffocating him. Is it any wonder why he's avoiding you? The sinister bitch in the back of my mind snarks.
When we’re together, he can't seem to get enough of me, and we barely come up for air. All he wants to do is spend all our time in bed, with him inside of me. Uncertainty plagues me like it's been doing for weeks, as I take a step toward the stairs, feeling like my legs are made of Jello. I grab a shot out of Faye's hands as I walk by and down it, grimacing at the harsh burn down my throat and hearing her cheering for me. God, I hate tequila, but I need the liquid courage right now. I feel like everyone's talking behind my back, and have been giving me strange glances all night.
My hand reaches up, grabbing the handrail, as I force my feet up the stairs until I reach the landing. The music is muted up here, and I'm faced with a long, dimmed hallway with various closed doors. Maybe Noah is in the bathroom up here. Yeah, that's got to be it. He must have come up here because the other one has a lineup. Maybe he's not feeling well from the spaghetti I made for dinner for us before we came here. My stomach is not feeling that great either right now, and I have a feeling I'll be getting reacquainted with that pasta dish shortly.
I knock and try the first door, and quickly close it when I catch a couple getting undressed. I can feel my cheeks warm further until I know that I must look like I have two ripe apples on my face, and my pale neck and chest must be all blotchy. I knock on the next door, using one of my hands to open the door, and the other to cover my eyes discreetly. "Occupied!" A girl giggles, and a pillow gets thrown against the door, pushing it back into me.
"Sorry!" Ohmygod, what the hell am I doing right now? I just have to find the washroom, and find Noah to make sure he's okay. Praying that the next door is the washroom, I move along the hallway, but my eyes are drawn to a set of double doors at the very end of the hall that must lead to the master suite. One of the doors hasn't closed properly, and is slightly ajar, giving me a glance at the room beyond. Suddenly, my stomach lurches, and a sense of overwhelming dread fills me, and my feet feel like they're all of a sudden cemented to the hall floor.
Don't go in there! Leave! Get out of here quick!
Despite the warnings blaring through my mind, I force myself to take a step forward, and then another. My breathing has ramped up, and I'm almost panting as I try to push air through my nose into my lungs, and my head spins, threatening to make me fall on my ass. Maybe taking that shot wasn't the smartest thing. I'm a lightweight, and I was so nervous during my mostly silent dinner with Noah that I barely ate half a serving of pasta. I look back over my shoulder to the end of the hall where I just came from, and consider turning around to find Faye, or my best friend Josslyn, but it's as if a magnetic pull is propelling me forward, and I take the last couple of steps to reach the door. My hand trembles as I reach for the doorknob, and push the door wider until I can slip through it. It swings open, and the darkened room comes into view, partially lit by moonlight streaming through the large windows, and reflecting on a massive king-size bed.
For a moment, my mind can't digest what my eyes are seeing, or the noises that are reaching me. I feel my hand rise to press against my heaving chest as sweat breaks out along my neck. In front of me at an angle on the bed, there's a naked blonde girl on her knees with a thick, black belt wrapped around her neck. It's being used as a leash, yanking herforcefully backward, while her arms are tied in front of her, like cuffs, by the straps of her pink bra, and bright neon pink fabric is stuffed in her mouth to muffle her sounds.
My dazed mind attempts to make sense of the fact that it's my best friend Josslyn on all fours, getting railed hard by a large male behind her. My lips fall open, ready to apologize for intruding on her hookup, but then I think better of it as my mortification rises. I take a step backward, prepared to flee, but just as I do, the male moves into my sight line, and a strangled sound escapes me.
No! No, no, no, this isn't happening, I think I'm going to be sick. The guy continues to pound into her so harshly that I can hear the sound of skin slapping skin from where I'm standing, and the groaning bed shifting across the hardwood. He yanks ruthlessly on the belt until her face is almost purple, and her lips open in a silent scream. My mind is in utter shock, trying to discern whether I'm imagining what I'm seeing, or if this is real. This has to be a fucking nightmare.
Dark hair and deep, dark chocolate eyes in a chiseled face with high cheekbones, and a square, perfect jaw meet my glance. His face is flushed from his exertion as his muscular arms flex, the belt wrapped around his wrist and between his fingers. From my angle, I can clearly see his large cock is slamming into her pussy so hard that her asscheeks and breasts jiggle with each thrust.
I stumble to the side, my legs threatening to give out on me, and I crash into the nearest wall, knocking off a large piece of artwork that goes smashing to the hardwood and shatters. The sound draws the fucking couple's attention from the bed, and they stop mid-motion. Josslyn's panicked green eyes meet mine, and she immediately fights against the belt's hold, trying to dislodge the male behind her with her bound hands. I prymy glance away from her terrified expression, and meet the shocked look on my boyfriend Noah's face.
He freezes, mid-thrust, still holding the belt like a leash and strangling my best friend further, as she tries to scramble off the bed. "Cordelie!" His hoarse voice yells as I turn around on my heels, my feet feeling like they're numb and won't carry me, and I race out of the room toward the stairs. Bile rises up the back of my throat, threatening to spew from my mouth, and has me grasping my stomach, and falling down the first couple of stairs. I lose a heel in the process, but nothing could convince me to stop my forward motion and go back for it. I have to get out of here. It's the only thought processing in my mind, and it's a shrill scream in my head.
"CORDELIE!" A panicked male voice yells behind me, but I refuse to stop or acknowledge it.
I feel tears pouring down my face, sliding off my jaw, and soaking my dress. My terrified eyes search for someone in the crowd of dancing partiers to help me, but I can't get any words past my lips. The sound of my harsh panting, and my blood racing through my veins, drowns out the music. Finally, my eyes meet Sly's, then Bryan's, both instantly refusing to meet my gaze for more than a second, a look of guilt across their features, and they turn their attention behind me to the male yelling so loudly that he's breaking through my chaotic thoughts.
They knew, the thought whips through my mind amongst the bedlam, and it makes the tears stream even faster down my face. How could this be happening to me? Did everyone know but me? Has everyone been laughing at me behind my back this whole time?
Faye races forward, shock and worry across her beautiful features. Her panicked blue eyes meet mine as she grabs onto me and pulls me into her arms, enveloping me in a tight hold,and I feel others closing ranks around us. Does she know too? Has she also been lying to me? "What the hell happened to you, Cordie? Cordie, girl, breathe, please!" She tightens her hold and questions me, her voice rising with anxiety. As I sob pitifully into her shoulder, my legs finally give out, and only her grip around me keeps me from collapsing to the floor, as my whole world implodes around me.
"CORDIE! Please, oh my god, please let me..." Josslyn's hysterical voice is so loud, and I realize that someone has turned off the music, and that everyone is now watching this all go down. I don't dare to look behind me, not wanting to see either of them, and how they've fucked me over.
