My glance races over his flushed features as he bites down hard on his bottom lip. His gaze meets mine, and I'm lost in all the darkness I witness there. This is really who he is, this is what he enjoys, and he's held all of this back from me all the time that we were together. It makes me incredibly sad that he didn't think he could share this part of himself with me. He really thinks I would have judged him or left him, and I can’t say for certain if I would have or not. I don't know how I would have reacted in the very beginning of our relationship, but one thing is for certain: I wouldn't have walked away from him now if he hadn't cheated. He not only destroyed what we were with his actions, but also ruined what we could have been. It’s all on him, and after tonight I’ll no longer feel any guilt for any of it.
A yank on the belt brings me back to the present, pulling me out of commiserations that make no difference now. I follow his instructions, lying on my back and using my hands to hold my legs straight, and wide open for him. His fingers tweak my nipple and pull on the tip harshly, and I whimper, causing him to smirk with satisfaction. His features look demonic, possessedeven, as if something sinister has taken him over. His palm slams down on my swollen, soaked pussy lips, and my body lurches off the bed only to have him place his knee on my stomach, shoving me down and causing my air to whoosh out of my lips. "Stay down, bitch, and enjoy the ride."
A part of me is done; I'm getting lost in my feelings, not in the euphoria of the moment. As much as I want to experience it rough and be used, it makes me miserable, and I'm starting to feel disgusted with myself. It also makes me feel sorry for Josslyn, because this must be what she experiences with him. It's on the tip of my tongue to ask him to stop, but I'm not even sure if he will, even if I beg. All my thoughts rip from my mind in the next instance when he pulls back and slams his cock inside of my core, grinding into me so that my clit rubs against his hard pelvis. I watch as his stacked abs, wrapped in beautiful artwork, clench as he fucks me hard and fast. "FUCK!" I scream, and that makes him chuckle with amusement, but he doesn't slow his motion or reduce how hard he's fucking me. It's as if he's trying to burrow his way inside of me, one merciless thrust at a time. “TOO MUCH!” I scream, but he laughs in my face before slapping my cheek. “Noah! Please!”
“You can take it, Cordelie. Your body was made for my cock alone. I own you, and I’ll use you any way I want.”
His thumb presses against my mouth, and slips between my lips, and my tongue lashes it as he thrusts it in time with his cock. My body is begging for release, I can feel sweat sliding down my back, and my hair is damp at my roots. I'm wired with static electricity, every nerve ending waiting desperately to explode. He removes his thumb from my mouth and places it on my clit, rubbing in deep circles, and my body clenches with the need to come. It's right there, I can feel it, but my body seems to be holding off, waiting for something I can't reach. "Come on my cock, baby. Let me feel you strangle him!" Noah demands, andit's as if I'm pushed off a pinnacle. My core tightens as I gasp for air, seeing white spots before my eyes. My orgasm doesn't just slam into me, it shatters me into a million pieces filled with pain and pleasure.
Noah thrusts once more, then grinds into me, his body falling partially on mine as he comes deep inside of me. "You're perfect, so perfect andmine.Look at how you milk every drop out of me, baby. I'll never let you go now, Cordelie. It will always be us." He groans into my neck before biting my collarbone, and I wince at the sharp pain. I release my grip on my legs and wrap them and my arms tightly around him, as his body continues to shudder, and I urge oxygen into my lungs. I hold him as securely as I can, as tears slip down the corners of my eyes and into my hair, knowing that this is the last time I'll be able to do that. I’m broken, I know that now. It’s my truth, mine to face, mine to absorb, yet I refuse to wallow in it like before.
He pushes back from my body and stares down at me, kissing my eyelids one after the other, then the tip of my nose, before he pecks my lips tenderly. It's such a contrast to the brutal way he just treated me that it makes my head spin. He pulls back and stares at me with satisfaction and hope, and my heart shatters a little more. "I love you, Cordelie. I'll never stop loving you. You were always meant to be mine, and now we can be together again forever." I don't reply, but I close my eyes. I can't continue to meet his happy gaze.
He pulls out of me and slips from the bed, a chuckle on his lips, and I have no idea what he finds amusing. "I'll be right back with something to clean you up, baby, even though you look amazing with my cum slipping from inside of you right now."
The minute he hits the bathroom and closes the door behind him, I rush to my feet, scowling at the feeling of his semen sliding down my legs, and the pain that radiates through my sore body. I grab a large, dark blue sweatshirt from the floor and apair of black sweats, which I have to roll up, and slip them on. I race for the door, not bothering with my stupid shoes, and without a backward look, I leave, closing the door quietly behind me.
I race barefoot with panic down three flights of stairs until I hit the sidewalk, trying to determine where the hell I am. I don't hesitate to turn to the right, which seems to have more bright lights, and run toward a bus stop, seeing a cab just a little farther ahead. I throw myself into the cab and give him the address of my apartment, urging him to get moving, and praying that Faye is there to pay him when we get there. I stare out the back window, searching for any sign of Noah chasing me, and when I don't see him, I finally take a deep breath. I know I just took the coward's way out by running, but I'm not convinced that Noah would have let me leave otherwise. My intuition was telling me to run for my life, and for once, I listened to that bitch.
Tears slide down my face and meet the cold night air of the opened cab window as I stare out at a part of the city I don't recognize, and I realize it's finally over. I can be free of Noah Tisdale once and for all, and move on with my life.I'm free.
CHAPTER 18
NOAH
Forty-eight hours ago, I had the happiest moments of my existence on this miserable planet. Then, just like everything else in my life, I had it instantaneously and brutally taken away from me.She ran from me.
A part of me is still reeling with the reality that I had the best sex of my life with the only woman I have ever truly cared for, and the minute I turned my back, she ran from me like I was a monster. She didn't even take her damn shoes or dress. She just disappeared like a spectre that was never there, and I was left torn apart, destroyed, and raging. I punched holes in my apartment walls, and tore the bathroom door off in my rage. I even got in an altercation with a homeless man who got in my way, beating him bloody when I searched for her, up and down the block, and found no sight of her. I couldn’t breathe, my chest was on fire, filled with pain that she left me. The monster inside of me laughed at my naivety that she would ever want me now that she bore witness to who I truly am. I disgusted and frightened her and she left me. She left me alone with my monster, and no way left to hold them back.
I've tried to call her, but she still has me blocked. I can see using my fake accounts that she hasn't posted on any of her social media since the night at the club before everything went down. I went to her apartment the next morning, and Faye threatened me with a massive kitchen knife at the door, and treated me like I was a villain. I'm not disputing that I am, but it made me want to put her head through her door. I, however, knew if I laid hands on Cordelie's roommate, I wouldn't be able to stop myself, and it would only make everything worse, so I left instead of barging in. I've been attempting to stalk Cordelie on campus, but she hasn't shown up for any of her classes. She ran from me, and now she's avoiding me, as if I would ever let what happened between us go. As if I could lethergo. Didn’t I warn her that I wouldn’t?
The worst part, the part that's eating me up inside, is I don't even know if she's okay. She could be hurt. I might have been rougher than I thought, and maybe that's why she ran from me. Fuck, I'm an unhinged monster, that's why she bolted. I drag my trembling hand through my hair and take another deep inhale of my joint. I always knew she was going to flee from me once she got a good look at the demon inside of me, and I was fucking right. The knowledge makes my blood boil inside my veins. Why did I give in to her demands? I knew she couldn't handle me at my worst, and I didn't even get that bad with her. Josslyn's taken worse abuse and insults over the last couple of months, and she's never run.Yeah, but you don't want that whore. That's not who you crave.
"Noah! I've been trying to reach you since yesterday! Why are you avoiding me?" Josslyn's whiny voice breaks through my chaotic thoughts, instantly ruining the buzz I was trying to create. I lean my head back against the column I'm sitting against and take another deep drag, as I allow my eyes to lazily trail over her. She's in a skimpy, burgundy skirt thatbarely covers her ass, dark pantyhose, probably to hide the bruises from the gangbang, knee-high black high boots, and a black turtleneck that conceals the many fingermarks around her slender neck. She looks hot, and any guy looking at her would be getting hard in his pants, so why the fuck do I only feel disdain and disappointment that it's her approaching me and not Cordelie? Cordelie who cried so beautifully for me when I filled her ass. Cordelie who took the pounding of my cock as if her pussy was made solely for my pleasure. Cordelie who looked me in my face, with her deceitful eyes, and made me believe that she would stay with me if I showed her my demons.
"Hello?Earth to Noah." Josslyn shakes her hands in front of my eyes, and I frown at her ridiculous and childish attempt to get my attention. What the fuck was I thinking when I got involved with this chick? Honestly, I'm starting to think she lacks self-preservation and is too stupid to live. My hand clenches tightly with the need to slam it into her face, so she leaves me the fuck alone, but I restrain myself. I can’t get to Cordelie if I’m in jail for beating the shit out of Josslyn.
I take another drag and throw the bud at her, and she shrieks in annoyance as she darts away from it and almost falls on her ass. "Fuck off, Josslyn." I return my gaze to the science building, hoping to catch a glimpse of Cordelie before she enters her lecture. How could my sweet baby girl think running from me was the answer? Didn't I tell her that she belongs to me and I would never let her go? Does she only believe those are mere words spewed in the midst of passion? I'm going to ensure she realizes that they're not. This time it won’t be a belt around her neck, it will be a chain. She won’t ever be able to run from me again.
"What the hell, Noah! What is this?! Why are you treating me this way?!" Josslyn grabs onto my forearm, and tries to force my attention back toward her, and that's a big fucking mistake. Myskin crawls at her touch, and the little control I have is fraying at the edges. The demon inside of me rattles the bars of his cage, demanding to be let out, and I'm almost obliged to grant him his wish. I feel myself teetering on the edge of losing it. The urge to hurt her, to release this rage, is almost overwhelming, and I'm fighting desperately to keep it contained, while knowing full well that it's a losing battle. It's not a matter of whether I'll hurt her, it's only a matter of when and how much.
I grab her shirt and drag her toward me, forcing her to lean over, my eyes fixed on her rapidly beating pulse. Her lips open, a shaky breath escaping, and I smirk. I'll bet she's regretting touching and demanding my attention now, stupid bitch. "I'm treating you how you deserve, slut. You don't get to touch me, Josslyn. You don't fucking own me."
I release her shirt, and my hand trails up her chest and wraps around her neck. Anyone watching would think it looks like a lover's caress, but it's not. It's the itch racing through me to hurt her, here, now, in front of an audience. What little common sense I'm clinging to warns that's a bad choice to make, and one that will see me locked behind bars. Then I'll never get close to my Cordelie again. I can't fucking risk it, no matter how much the temptation to watch Josslyn bleed is calling to me.
"Noah... please," she gasps as I tighten my grip, and her face starts to flush red. I wonder, if I keep squeezing, will this idiot even try to stop me, or will she just allow me to kill her? My money's on her dying while her panties flood.
"What, baby?" I force her to lean closer as I rub my nose against the side of her face, and whisper in her ear. "Do you have a death wish, Joss? Is that why you can't stay away from me?"
Her whimper is her only reply, and it soothes the poison inside of me that is spreading throughout my body like a cancer. "You want me that much, baby? You can't stay away even to save yourself, can you?" I bite down on the shell of her ear, but not ina sexy, pleasant way, in one designed to hear her scream. Other than a little muffled cry, she doesn't give me what I desire and need right now, and it makes me irrationally angry. I release her, and she stumbles to her knees on the hard concrete beside me.
"Noah... I love... you," she gasps hoarsely, as she stares at me like I'm her whole world, even though I don't want to be. She's not Cordelie, she's never been, and she'll never replace her. She's just a waste of my time and energy, and what little pleasure I was able to attain at Josslyn's expense no longer feels worth it. She's a doll I want to break the limbs off, just to see if I can.
"Is that so?" I question with a sinister chuckle that should frighten her, but she remains close. There really is no helping this girl. Who am I to deny her the pain and suffering she so obviously needs to keep living? She nods her blonde head, her crystal green eyes wide with fear. It's intoxicating, that look on her face. The one that says she doesn't know what I'll do next. "If you love me so much, Joss, then you'll do whatever I tell you to do right now. If you don't follow my instructions to the letter, I'm going to leave you once and for all, and let every man who's ever wanted a piece of you have you."
I don't bother to add that I have no intention of staying with her either way. Our pathetic relationship is tainted now. Even if I wanted to continue in our depravity, I can't. The thought of touching and fucking Josslyn, now that I've had Cordelie the way I've always desired, makes me nauseous. "Take off your shirt, bra, and skirt, get down on your belly, place your arms behind your back, and crawl like a maggot on the ground for me."
"What?No! Why?" She cries tearfully, her body recoiling in shock at my request. Honestly, I don't give a shit whether she does it or not. It's just a way to pass the time while I wait for Cordelie, and hopefully, it will finally get through to Josslyn to fuck off and leave me alone.
