“I'd rather not…”
“What the hell do you want me to do, Candi, huh?! I've apologized time and time again, and you just won't let up on this bullshit!”
“You cheated on me, Zane! Multiple times!”
“Who the hell told you that?!” His voice rises over the song playing faintly on the radio. He thinks he can scare me, but I can yell too.
“No one has to tell me when I can see it for myself…”
“No, I told you before. You thought you saw me kissing someone else, but it wasn't me!”
“You're so full of shit.” The words are meant to be under my breath, but they're loud enough for him to hear. It doesn't matter, though; they keep falling out of my mouth like vomit. “I did everything for you, and you treated me like fucking dirt.”
“I-I know…”
“Wh-what do you mean, you know?” This has to be a trick, or maybe even a dream. Zane never admits when he's wrong.
“Just what I said. I've given it a lot of thought these past couple of weeks. You were nothing but good to me, and I was an absolute asshole. I know I told you before that I only wanted to take you home…”here it comes. The begging. He's going to ask me to take him back through more broken promises and fake crocodile tears.“The truth is, I miss you. More than last time and the time before that…”
“... And the time before that…”
“Okay, I deserve that.” He stops his thought as he pulls into an available parking space in front of the local cafe.
“What are we doing? I thought we were going to go through a drive-through somewhere before you took me home.”
“Please, just sit with me for a few minutes while I grovel at your Chuck Taylors. You can hear how sorry I am after I order you your favorite cappuccino while we sit in your favorite coffee shop…” He asks while turning off the ignition. His interior lights up his golden skin. “Please, Candi. This is the last time, I swear.”Now that I don't have Andy, what have I got to lose?
She doesn't know that I'm crouched in my car studying her through my windshield. Or that I've been reading over our text thread as I watch her sitting comfortably across fromhimin their brown leather booth. I love you too, Andy.Those five words now feel like a mallet to my heart, weakening it every time they play on repeat.
Candi quietly sips her drink as he doesn't shut the hell up. His expressions are animated, but he pauses to take sips from the clear straw in what looks like Coke after each mechanicalgesture. I don't have to be with her to know that it's utter nonsense. Her eyes peer up from what I assume is coffee, and she doesn't forget to smile every few seconds. I want to say it isn't genuine, but there's a part of me that worries she missed him.
It doesn't look like he treats you like trash. What was it that he said that reeled you in? Was it the sugar-filled bean water that enticed you back into his life?The two get up from their booth in front of the large window and grab their coats before making their way to the front glass door.Shit!I do my best to sink down into my seat before she walks aimlessly by my car.Candi doesn't even notice me.
Once again, he opens the passenger side door with a stupid-looking grin on his face. It makes me wonder what they talked about. Did they reminisce about old memories when they were together? Did he tell her how much he still loves her? Did she fall for all of his artificial sentiments?Did she agree to be with him again?
Fuck!The image of the two of them walking together like they used to in the hallways haunts my thoughts.That won't happen again. I won't let it.His taillights stay in my view as I turn on my ignition, and I wait until he exits from the lot to follow. I don't want to lose him, I can't.
I stay on him with enough distance to fit two cars between us, careful not to risk being seen by Candi in his mirrors.
“Thank you for the coffee.” Breaking the tense pause of our conversation from the time we were in the cafe until now. More random radio sounds from his preferred station fill in the spaces once held by nonstop talking. He turns to face me, and the corners of his mouth turn up to his cheeks.
“Thank you for letting me buy you a cup…” He cautiously turns down the road that enters our neighborhood.
“Well, you were so persistent, what else was I supposed to do?” We both laugh as I tease.It's been a while since we've done that together.
“I'm willing to beg forever if it means winning you back, Candi.”
“Zane…”
“I mean it. Being without you was like a nightmare. I can't lose you again.” He stops his car in front of my house, and I scoff. I've heard this too many times.
“W-would you just think about it?” I forgot how much his hands engulf mine when he holds them in his.
“I'll think about it.”What am I saying? I can't go back to him. Not again.I'll say anything to get out of his car.
“I'll be waiting for an answer.” He moves in closer; I freeze as his lips touch mine. I don't want to kiss him back, but memories of the two of us come flooding in, and I take it in as he pulls me in closer and deepens the kiss.Oh fuck. What the hell did I just do?
“I-I have to go inside. My dad will be worried.” I stammer, quickly unbuckling my seatbelt and reaching for my bag from the back. “Thank you again for the coffee.”
