“Maybe you should've thought about that before you cried to me online or before you invited me over to fuck you in your bed.” I know it's what happened, but it hurts to hear out loud. “You can tell me that you love me when we're alone, but you're embarrassed to admit it to everyone else. Go to your cheer practice and delete our chats. It's easy to see that you mean everything to me and I mean shit to you…”
“Th-that's not true…” My tears have a mind of their own as they stream down my cheeks. He doesn't look back and climbs into the driver's seat. His car is loud when he turns on his ignition and speeds off out of the parking lot.
The wide grin I try to paint on my face is a facade while I do my best to fake it through cheer practice. With every routine, the same cadence I've memorized is replaced with his words; no matter how hard I try, I can't muffle out his words with the rehearsed chants.
Why couldn't I say the words? What would be so wrong with admitting them out loud?The words vibrate in my thoughts to the point where I could sing them on repeat.I love Andrew Miller.But why does it feel like the speakers are shorting out when I try to say them for the rest of the world to hear?
The girls’ locker room seems colder today. The brisk air from the winter wind bites my skin even through two layers of clothing and my coat.I don't look forward to walking home in this freezing cold air, and Britt had to miss practice today, so I don't have a ride home.My phone feels like ice in my hand as I scan over my messages; there is a painful reminder that Andy isn't waiting for me anymore. Pulling up his number in my contacts only brings back memories of hundreds of MySpace and text messages, passing notes in class, and two amazing nights alone with him.I wish I could take it all back and everything go back to the way it was.
Stray snowflakes come in through the side entrance when a group of three cheerleaders follow behind one another, opening the door for each other. The frigid air makes me hug my coat tighter around my body.There's no way I can walk home.Andy's number stays highlighted in my list of numbers as I contemplate calling him.Would he pick me up from practice? If he gave in, would he talk to me?I let my impulsive thoughts win and immediately put the phone up to my ear as soon as I hit the green phone button on the row of keys.
My toe taps on the tile in anticipation of the sound of his never-ending ring.What made me think he'd answer? He's at practice, remember? Not to mention, once he sees my number,I'm sure he'll immediately ignore my call.No answer. I'm not surprised, but it feels like an ache in my chest that just won't go away.I don't know why I thought there was a chance he would answer.
I try to call my house phone, but unfortunately, I know the outcome. My father is most likely passed out on the couch, and my mother is already in bed or taking one of herme-timebaths with a glass of wine next to the tub. Once again, the phone continuously rings until I reach the answering machine.I have no one.
Reluctantly, I throw my duffle bag over my shoulder before bracing myself for the harsh cold. I feel my body start to grow tense as I mentally prepare for my walk home.I don't want to do this, but what choice do I have? It's either walk or stay stranded at the school until morning.I force my way to the exit as I slide my fuzzy light blue gloves over my already chilled fingers, that is, until I hearhisvoice echo in the hall behind me.
“Do you need a ride?” Zane’s tone is like an annoying gnat buzzing in my eardrum. It doesn't matter how many times I try to shoo him away; he always comes back.
“No, I'm okay. I’d rather walk.” I take one more step closer to the door with my fingers almost caressing the metal handle.
“Are you sure? It's like negative twenty degrees out there.”
“I'm sure…” The strap slowly slides down my shoulder, and I do my best to shift my weight so I can support my heavy bag.
“Come on, Candi! Are you seriously going to walk instead of letting me drive you home?” I can hear his aggravation in the way he struts closer.
“That was the plan.” He's toe to toe with me now, and he looks down at me with his chocolate colored eyes.He's always made me feel so small, and tonight is no exception.
Zane sighs as he takes my cumbersome strap off my shoulder. “Don't be like that. Let me take you home. I won't try anything. Iknow we're done. I-I just want to make sure you get home safe… I’ll even get you a coffee on the way.” The last thing I want to do is be anywhere near him. I'm still hurt by what he did, and I can't shake the memory of seeing him with someone else while we were together. However, when I spot the size of the snowflakes sticking to the sidewalk and the dark asphalt in the parking lot, my decision wavers.
“Okay.”
“Okay? You mean you'll let me drive you home?”Why is he so eager to help me? How does he not see that I'm still so angry with him?
“Yes. You can buy me a coffee and drive me home, but that's it…” He raises his hands in surrender while wearing his usual smug smile. The navy leather from his letterman jacket fits limply around his big wrists.
“That's all I'm asking for…” I'm full of suspicion when he walks in front of me, pushing the door open wide enough to let me walk ahead of him.
“Just coffee and home,” I repeat as he closes the door behind me.
“Would you look at that, so fucking eager to get back into his car.” I watch Candi as she climbs into Zane's Sebring in the school parking lot. My fingers tighten around the dark leather on my steering wheel until I can see the skin on my knuckles whiten. Her name is still highlighted in the list of missed calls, and I'm so damn tempted to call her back while she sits in his passenger seat.
Thirty minutes, it's how long it took for him to hook his claws back under her skin. Thirty minutes since she called me with no voice or text message while I was packing up my things after band practice. “You could've waited five more minutes; instead, you're crawling back to him.”
I continue to watch them from a distance; he shuts her door for her like the gentleman he pretends to be before moving to the driver's side. I can't see her face in the dark car, but I imagine the look she's giving him.It's the same one she gave me only a few days ago.
His bright headlights cast on the light brown bricks of the building, illuminating the large snowflakes. I stay hidden in the shadows of my tinted car as they back out of their space. “If he doesn't take her straight home, I'll fucking kill him.”
Zane drives slowly through the snow and ice-covered back roads, and I continue to keep a big space between us when I follow his route.This isn't the way to Candi's house. Where the hell are you going?
“You went the wrong way. You were supposed to turn right at the stoplight.” I know Zane can hear me, but he keeps his steering wheel straight ahead. “Zane!”
“I know where you live. We were together for two years.” He smirks before turning on his left turn signal. “Did you forget that I told you I'd get you your favorite coffee?” Oh, right. Coffee. Suddenly, I'm regretting my decision.Frostbite feels better than sitting in the seat next to him with a hot cappuccino in my hands.
“Why did you take the back roads to grab coffee when you can get it right by my house? This is going to add an extra five minutes to our drive.”
“You can't spendfive more minuteswith me?”
