“Uh… Yeah, you did. Who the hell cares if you're ready for labels? What's handholding anyway?! Just give in to the guy…”
“Well, what if I'm too late?”
“If Scary Andy is looking at you like he wants to kiss your feet, then babe, it's not too late.”
“Don't call him that…”
“Candi, you can't tell me that man doesn't have a face that says he would murder someone.”
He's standing alone at his locker now. Maybe, if I can get him alone before he leaves, he'll listen to me. Andrew stuffs papers in his bookbag as well as a textbook, a notebook, and a few pencils. It's finally the end of the day, and he's getting ready to leave. Now's my chance to say something.That is, if he'll talk to me before he makes his way out to his car.
I slam my locker shut, but the chatter from the other students drowns out the sound. My fingers tightly curl around my straps; I take one deep breath before I sprint to Andrew’s locker.Come on, Candi. You can do this.
“Need something?” His harsh tone matches the intense sound of his zipper fastening the biggest pocket in his bag. At this moment, I couldn’t care less.He's talking to me.
“Can we talk? Please?”
“If you can bear to be seen with me in public, walk with me to my car. Make it fast. I'm going to Rayne's for practice.”
“You don't have practice on Thursdays…”
“When I have a gig in two days, I do. What do you want, Candi?” My name is sharp on his tongue, but I deserve all of the painful cuts he sends my way.
“I want to talk about what I wrote…”
“Save it. I know you're not ready to be with a guy like me.”
“That's not fair, it's not like that…”
“No? What is it then?” Andy faces me, his expression filled with anger.He's never looked at me like this before. I absolutely hate it. It feels like a thousand daggers are puncturing my chest; the pain won't stop.He's no longer walking, and I almost run into him when he stops. My body instantly freezes when he looks at me.
“I-I…” I can't find the words; they're tangled in my head like knotted-up shoestrings.
“If I looked like any of those guys on the football team, you'd make no hesitation to tell everyone about us!”
“What?! You think I'm that superficial?!”
“No?! Then what the hell is it? Just fucking tell me? I tried to avoid you all day so you can figure out whatever it is you want, but instead you won't leave me the hell alone!”
“I'm… I'm just afraid of getting hurt again. We're going so fast and… it scares me…”
“You think I would hurt you? I fucking worship the ground you walk on and everyone at this fucking school knows it!” Frustration now mixes with the anger that still shows on his handsome face when he runs his fingers through his undone, faded pink and ebony mohawk. “Tell me one more thing before I leave,” I nod, shocked at his words he admits out loud.No one has ever told me that before.I stand there clueless while he throws his bag into his trunk. “Are you afraid of going too fast, or is it me? Are you afraid of going too fast withme?”
I swallow a heavy knot in my throat. It is him. He makes me feel so many things, but hisobsessionis like nothing I've felt before. I want to tell him otherwise, but he can see through my transparent mask. “Yeah… that's exactly what I thought.” The sound of his trunk slamming into its latch can be heard in the mostly vacant lot. It sends a chill through me, making me jump in my skin. “Go back to your life of pep rallies, poms poms, and cheating assholes, Candi.”
“Andy, please. Just listen to me…”
“You don't get to call me that anymore! I'm notyour Andy.I'm just fucking Scary Andrew Miller to you and everyone else!”
“You're not that… It's not like that with me, and you know it!”
“No, Candi. That's just it. I don't. Being with you has been like a fucking whirlwind of mixed feelings. You want me only when we're alone so you can use me to wipe your tears, but when we're in public, you act like you don't know me! Face the fucking facts. I'm not Zane, and I never will be.”
“I don't want him…”
“No? Then tell me. Tell me when we're not behind a screen that you want me! Say it loud enough that everyone can hear you…” His leather jacket squeezes tightly on his arms when he crosses them on his chest. “I'm all ears, Candi.”
“I do want you, Andy…”Why is this so difficult?“I want to be with you. I just got out of a relationship…”
