I picture an intervention over his grades, then immediately dismiss it, but I don’t connect the actual dots before Colt adds, “He didn’t know, but I think she was trying to fuck me through him, which is all kinds of messed up, even if he wasn’t still married to my mother, who I now have to lie to.”
“Let me put a shirt on, then you can explain everything from the beginning.” It’s a flimsy excuse to leave, but Sav is definitely done by now, and I need to apologize profusely and let her know that I have to take care of Colt.
“Bring the tequila Owen hides in his closet. Or I’m sure David has something good.”
I don’t really want to intrude on my roommates’ bedrooms, or give Colt more alcohol when he smells like a bar, but I would also want to get shitfaced in his situation.
* * *
Savannah is in my bedroom, dressed and clutching her backpack while biting her bottom lip, waiting for me.
“I’m so sorry—” I start.
“I can smell him from here,” she stops me. “Would it be better if I slip out when he isn’t looking,” she offers, which I immediately turn down. She’s not sneaking out the back door like some dirty secret when she’s…I don’t know exactly, but I know what I would want her to be, if I didn’t have to deal with everything else. “Or I could make food to soak up that alcohol and drown some emotions.”
I love you is on the tip of my tongue. Not because I mean it in that real way when you’re actually in love, but because I don’t deserve this girl and she’s fucking perfect.
“That’s very sweet, but you have an exam, and?—”
“Fuck, is Sav here?” Colt calls from downstairs, which could be because he hears us, or saw her shoes, or noticed all the baked goods on the counter and knows that wasn’t me. “I’m so sorry dude, I’ll just hide in my room and be real quiet, you guys can?—”
I sigh and go back downstairs, where Colt is already retreating into his bedroom.
“She was about to head home and study. I can drive her and pick up some food on the way back?”
“I’m fine man, you guys enjoy the day and I’ll just…”
He looks so defeated, I’m not even surprised when Savannah says, “I was hoping to make French toast before leaving, if it’s not an intrusion? Pretty sure I missed breakfast in the dining hall, and?—”
“Want me to crack the eggs?” Colt offers.
“That would be perfect,” she assures him, and it’s dangerous, because I’m letting her into every aspect of my life, and so far, she isn’t running. She’s rolling with the punches, being super understanding and helpful, which is something I can’t get used to. Because I know what happens when you do. But it’s Christmas, and Colt already has the eggs out, and I’m so tired of fighting it.
* * *
Colt doesn’t say any more about his father showing up in Mexico, but I get the impression his parents have a very ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ marriage where the image matters a lot more than the truth. And I guess your parents abandoning you at Christmas for work or a couple’s trip is somehow less hurtful than your father choosing to sleep with your high school English teacher instead of spending the holiday with you. I would have expected him to fly home to be with his mom, but judging from the call he took on speakerphone while we were doing the dishes, she’s on a yoga retreat in India and won’t be accepting any more calls unless someone is dying.
Savannah refuses to leave until Colt passes out on the couch, which I feel terrible about, but he seems a lot less depressed with her around. And not like he was pretending everything was fine, but he gave her a hug to thank her for the food, and while the first thing I felt was a stab of jealousy, she didn’t let him pull away, and he clung to her like a lost boy needing comfort. I brought the garbage out to the bins, and when I came back, we all pretended it never happened, and that Colt’s eyes weren’t red, but he was…not as happy as he usually is, but at least he seemed like he’d be okay.
Thanks to Savannah.
* * *
“I’m sorry,” I say once I pull up to her dorm. “This was not at all how I wanted to spend our last day together before the break.” I want to delay Savannah getting out of the Jeep, but we left Colt on the couch and after he discovered stashes of alcohol in the cupboards, I don’t feel comfortable leaving him for too long.
“You’re an excellent captain,” she tells me. “But an even better friend. He’s lucky to have you.”
I shrug it off, because my current thoughts toward Colt aren’t very friendly, and a part of me wishes I’d been selfish.
“When are you back on campus?” I ask, completely changing the subject.
“Probably just before the semester starts. Maybe a bit earlier to get some last-minute writing done, but definitely after New Year’s. You?”
“We have the College Classic in Florida, so I’ll be back here training the day after Christmas.” She looks like she feels sorry for me, that I have to miss out on all that family time, but if last year is any indication, I’ll be itching to get away by then. I can bring Izzie to the rink with me and put in face time with Tatum, but my mom disappears inside herself at Christmas, because it was my dad’s favorite holiday.
“I admire your dedication.”
I shrug, maybe feeling a little guilty for that avoidance. “We get back on the first.”
