Savannah turns on her heels and walks towards her dorm, and I’m clearly a masochist because I go to follow her again, but Owen stops me, catching his breath like he ran from the house as he hands me my cell phone.
“Your sister’s on the line,” he explains.
“Iz, you okay?” I ask, my heart dropping.
“I’m good,” she says with absolutely no pep. “Mom isn’t though. I forgot my purple leotard, so we came home to get it, but Doug brought Tatum to his swimming lessons, and Mom has been listening to that song on repeat and acting like when I pretend I can’t hear you, but I think she really can’t.”
“What do you…” Fear grips me, until my brain figures it out. “Shit. Fuck,” I curse. “It’s January 23rd.”
“You said bad words,” she reproaches.
“We’ll get breakfast to make up for it. I’ll be there in less than an hour, okay? Are you good, or do you want me to call Mrs. Evans?”
“Mom’s right here,” Izzie reminds me. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Right,” I agree, but I know from experience that when my mother gets like this, there is no snapping her out of it. Not for a begging son, not for a crying little girl, not for anything.
“What’s going on?” Owen asks me once I hang up, following me as I rush back into the café for my jacket, which has my keys.
“It’s his birthday, and I fucking forgot.”
“It’s not even nine, you have plenty of time to call him.”
“No, that’s not…I was supposed to be there. I know how she gets, and I wanted to be there to distract her and make sure Izzie was taken care of, but I fucking forgot, because I thought I could have it all, and instead, everything is fucked up and I’ve dropped all the balls.”
“Take a breath, Noah, you can’t drive if you’re having a panic attack.”
“I’m fine,” I snap, but he doesn’t back down, just looks at me, one eyebrow pointed, like he’s figured out I’m talking about my dad.
“The hell you are,” he says calmly, so I stop and do what he says, partly because he’s right, but mostly because my mother will never get out of bed if I go and die on his birthday.
But the longer I stay still, the more my thoughts drift to everything falling apart, all the things I can’t fix.
“I can drive you to your sister, and she’ll be okay. Kids are resilient, and Izzie is tough as nails and way smarter than you give her credit for.”
He’s right, but just because she can handle a lot doesn’t mean I ever wanted her to.
“And whatever just happened with Savannah… she’ll be back before you know it. Not sure if you’ve said the words yet, but she loves you. This might be your first fight, but definitely won’t be your last.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I sigh. Ten minutes ago, that would have been reassuring, but I was so wrapped up in Savannah last night, and this morning, that I completely abandoned my mom and sister when I knew they needed me. And I would have kept running after her, missing Izzie’s call, spent my day trying to convince Savannah we could work, when it’s now painfully clear that we can’t. It doesn’t matter how amazing Savannah is, or how I feel about her, if she’s the reason I let Izzie down. And it’s not even her fault. It’s mine. My fucking feelings for her took over everything else and I failed. Her and everyone else I care about.
“I’m good to drive, Owen, you shouldn’t have to waste your day?—”
“I have no interest in walking, and my sister lives close to you. I texted her and I’m betting she already sent her husband to buy all my favorite groceries. Believe me, you don’t want to disappoint her.”
“This is the doctor?”
“And the oldest. It’s a scary combination.” He smiles. “Do you need me to help with your sister, or take care of something back at the house?”
“You’re doing way more than you should,” I assure him. “Though probably best if you could make sure Tanner isn’t around before I get back? I know he didn’t mean to bring up signed fucking jerseys in front of Savannah, but if I see him again before I calm down, we’ll be short two players tomorrow.”
“It was uncalled for, but technically, you said it was cool once everyone knew.”
“What?”
“You said to forget they’re related until she tells us, or everyone knows.”
“I know what I said, but what do you mean?” I’d assumed Tanner was asking because I’d claimed Savannah at Slapshots last night.
