Of course. Have fun with the boys!
I try to kill the guilt that settles in my stomach, or learn to live with it, because this is what would happen if I tried to start something real with Savannah. Only I don’t think I would make the same choice if I was all in. I would bail on the guys for her. I would bail on classes, on captain-shit, on practice if she needed me to. And that’s why I need to shut this down sooner rather than later.
It sucks and I hate it. The burgers go down heavy, and the beer does nothing to wash it down. I switch to water after the first round because I’m driving, but also because I’m getting dangerously close to trying to numb the pain I know I’ll feel once I cool things down with Savannah.
“No game today?” Dawson walks up to our table and asks Spring as they do some kind of elaborate handshake.
“Nah, we had the shitshow from yesterday, so we get to stew on it ‘til Friday,” he answers.
“You guys played good, they just played better.” One of the guys behind Dawson assures Spring, or ribs him, I’m not sure which. I only recognize a couple of them, but they’re all on the football team.
“Since when do you watch hockey, Manning?” Dawson turns to him.
“Since my girl wanted me to sit in the stands with her for once. Could have used some fucking warning about the warmups.”
I’m laughing at the expression on his face, because it’s clear his girlfriend enjoyed watching us, or at least pretended to so she could get a rise out of him, but my attention is caught by the brunette who just walked in, nervously making her way to the counter that’s mostly for take-out orders. My first instinct is to run over and take her in my arms, because it’s what I always want to do when I see Savannah, even before I catch her eye and she smiles, her entire face lighting up.
“That goal you made in the third was awesome,” Manning draws me back to my table, and not a moment too soon, because these are football players, who know who her brother is, who will react if they see her, and she doesn’t want me to know.
Fuck.
“Thanks, man,” I say, but I’m mostly just waiting for them to move on so I can go see Savannah, who is no longer looking over here. If I was her, I would have taken out my phone and pretended to be busy talking to someone, but she’s looking around, taking it all in, carefully avoiding my table.
“For real? Karaoke?” Dawson asks. He pulls up a chair and joins us, so his teammates do the same.
I reach over and take a sip of my beer, because the guys are debating if they should start with One Direction or Taylor Swift, and it looks like we’re in for a long night.
“Missed your shot?” David asks me.
“No idea what you’re talking about.”
“That why you just downed my beer?” He raises an eyebrow, not reproachful, but I still catch on.
I was drinking water.
“I’ll get you another one.”
“It’s cool,” he stops me, signaling something to the waitress which I assume will get him the hard stuff he favors.
“Parker warned me not to go there,” I explain myself.
David nods, considering it. “Have you asked Savannah about it?”
“About the thing I’m not supposed to know, and she still hasn’t told me?”
“Point taken. Enjoy the beer,” he assures me.
I stay at the table, but I don’t take my eyes off Savannah as she waits for her order. She picks at an imaginary lint on her coat to look busy and it takes all my self-restraint not to go up to her.
What’s the worst that can happen, really? It isn’t like Parker is here to see. Maybe only some of the team knows about her brother. Maybe Sav wouldn’t even care if?—
A guy takes the seat next to Savannah and I am hyperaware of every move he makes. I don’t recognize him at all, and I don’t think he’s a student. He’s wearing jeans and a button down and he’s carrying two drinks, offering Savannah one as if he accidentally ordered two, which isn’t something that happens here, especially not when you’re drinking alone, but Savannah smiles at whatever he says. She turns her head to me, but not enough to make eye contact, so I can’t see what she’s thinking.
I know what my thoughts are, but I also know I’m wrong. That Savannah isn’t mine, so I don’t really have the right to rush over there and tell the guy to get lost.
I’m trying to analyze her body language, to see if she looks uncomfortable, but she always looks…shy with new people. She holds herself like she isn’t sure what she should be doing with her arms, like someone told her not to close herself off but she doesn’t know what else to do.
It’s killing me, and I can see David eyeing me from my peripheral. Owen too, I think, but my eyes are on Sav, and really, what do I care about these assholes on the football team if there’s even a chance Sav is uncomfortable with that guy?
