“Who isSerWillem?”She chuckled. “Is he one of ours? Where was this hay?”
“Jocelyn! He was- Oh, God.” I took a breath, defeated. “He was the boy I was in love with. When I was thirteen.”
Her mouth rose a hint. “Ohhh!” she cried in jest. “Oh. I see. This is ratherserious,then. Anadolescentlove. Pray, tell me of thismanwho’s run away with the young Princess Svana’s heart!” She faked a swoon. “Unless, of course, he was an old man, then tell Elías.”
“He was a boy,” I glared at her. “Well. He was a man, technically. He was fifteen. But…But itisrather serious.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. Will worked for His Majesty. Er, his father did. He was just a stable hand, and, uh, well, he got hurt.Reallyhurt because of me. And it’s not funny, so please don’t laugh.”
Josie settled. “It’s not funny. I’m sorry for making light of it.”
“I forgive you,” I said, but then I realized why she hadn’t protested it. “You’ve heard the story?”
Her features changed, and I knew she had. “Story? What story?” she asked anyway.
“You can tell me you’ve heard it,” I told her. “I know the staff whispers still.”
She tried to change course. “You feel Mr. Evergreen is similar to your Willem, then?” she asked.
“...Ineveryway,” I confessed. “Cyrus is…” I hated myself for saying it and more for the way my chest fluttered. “Mr. Evergreen is everything the ostler’s boy was and everything of the man I’d thought he would grow to be. He is adventurous, and proud, and sharp, and I…I can’t unsee Elías’ fury as he grappled him like that.And that is why I cannot allow myself to feel such things for anyone, let alone someone I enjoy so much. I will hurt him with my affection just as I hurt Will.”
Josie cautiously sent her arms around my frame.
“What are you?—”
“I’m hugging you,”she said.
“Why? Whyare you hugging me?” I asked.
She squeezed.
“Josie?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “No. You cannot think like that. Mr. Evergreen is fine.”
“For now,” I told her. “But Elías, he… Had he not stopped…”
“But he did stop,” she said.
“Y-Yes. But—” My voice cracked.
“But nothing, Mr. Evergreen is unharmed. They haven’t hurt him.”
Then my breath hitched, and I sobbed, once, then twice, into her shoulder.
“He is unharmed,” she repeated.
“Barely,” I whined. “What an awful creature I must be to expose him like this.”
“No.”
“Yes, Josie, and I don’t evenwantto never see him again. And God? He knows. God knows, and Heloathesme for my disobedience.”
“He doesn’t,” she said. “He loves us all.”
“I have spent my whole life devoted to that boy and his sacrifice for me, and now I am to be tested. Here’s the firstopportunity to forsake my vow to him. This man, thiscopy,this impossibly charming temptation exists to punish me.”
