She paused. “Why shouldn’t he miss you, Your Highness?”
“Because, I’m…”
“You’re pretty. Funny. Kind?”
“I’m notkind,”I whined. “Why would yousaythat?”
“What do you mean you’re not kind?” she asked. “You treat everyone so sweetly.”
“The King would die at that revelation. Kindness is weak,” I said. I flexed a hand. “Sorry, I?—”
“Miss Svana, does your father not know you sing to birds?”she asked.
“They sing tome!”I quipped.“What? Am I supposed toignorethem?”I scoffed. “What, like, rudely? Whatever. I’m not kind. I’m reckless.”
“Singing to birds is hardly reckless,” she said.
“No, but I…” I steeled my face. “Miss Jocelyn, I have injured someone before,” I said. “Gravely.And it was entirely my fault. Do you understand? Do you think I’mkindnow?”
She took a second. “What?”
“You said maids hold their ladies’ secrets. There’s one for you,” I said. “I have been injured before, and I have been the reason for injury. I don’t want Mr. Evergreen to get hurt. People get hurt around me. Just look at the Lord Commander’s response. That is a learned behavior.”
She exhaled. “Oh. Miss…” Then laughed. “You had me worried. I know your knights are trained to be protective. It’s their role. But see? Listen to your words. You don’t want Mr. Evergreen to gethurt. That’s exactly the concern that proves my point. Despite His Majesty’s influence, you are kind-hearted and good.”
“Josie, I’m being very serious.”
“Of course you are, Princess, butI’mserious when I say this: your swordsman is a grown man. He knows what he can handle. He knows what he wants. Trust that.”
“No,” I told her. “No, becauseGodwants me to put the Crown first, not my personal desires. He always has. I have to trust Him. Trust Ser Elías as His sword. He says, duty first; duty last.”
“And where does Svana go?” she asked.
“I…She doesn’t go anywhere.”
“Your knight, as righteous as he is, as noble and fierce and strong as he is, does not know what you need. He does not know what you deserve, or, for that matter, what God wants for you. Onlyyouand God know that.”
“But what if it’s a mistake?” I asked. “What I want has always been a mistake.”
“Daniel says God does not make mistakes. He says a person is exactly where they are to be exactly when they are meant to be there.”
“You’re suggesting I should be near Mr. Evergreen?” I asked.
“If he is what you want,” she said. “I’m suggesting thatyoushould decide, not some pre-existing rule Elías declared for you. DoyoulikeEvergreen for you?”
“…I have fun when we are together, I’ll admit,” I said.
“Good. Daniel says that while God does want us to cherish things such as the throne and titled men, he ultimately wants us to be happy. He wants us to trust Him and His plan.”
“Idotrust God,” I said. “I do. It is that trust that keeps me waking up day after day when, believe me, I would gladly explore alternative avenues.”
“I trust Him, too, and I do not believe that He would have put Mr. Evergreen so deliberately close if He did not think you could benefit from the friendship, given the state of your marriage.”
“That’s horribly inaccurate and bad advice, Miss Jocelyn. The Lord is known for puttingmanyobstacles in a person’s way-He-It’s in the vows, for better or for worse, and—We’re getting off topic! Thepointis, I am the Crowned Princess, and Crowned Princesses don’t get to roll around in the hay with ostler boys or-”
“You rolled in the hay with Mr. Evergreen?”she asked. “Good for you.”
“What? No!” I shushed her. “No! I was talking about Ser Willem.”
