“I like your theory. Here, you are my Willem, and I am your Svana,” I said. “Your Swan.”
Mr. Evergreen kissed me.
“I want you to undress,” I said. “Take off your shirt.”
“Myshirt?”
“Yes.”
“As you command it,” he said. He pulled the vest away, then discarded the shirt beneath, until only the innermost layer of cloth remained. When he pulled the last of the silk over his head, I watched his muscles flex with the motion.
“What next, my love?” he asked. “Shall I spin for you?”
I laughed, shaking my head. “No. Your trousers next,” I said.
His tongue passed over his lip. “My trousers? Not your gown?”
“Willem… I… I never get to see you. I never get to touch you,” I said. “I want to see and touch you.”
His expression softened. “I’m not… used to that.” He stepped closer, sweeping my hair from my shoulder and softlyreintroduced it to his mouth. We wove together, into a singular stride, and stumbled to the bed, falling onto the mattress. Evergreen climbed over me, tracing the edge of my jaw with his thumb and I looked up at him like it would quell my body from its deepest fears forever.
“I don’t purposely withhold you from touching me, Swan. I just live to pleasure you, is all.”
“I want us to be equal in our pleasure,” I said.
“Yes, but…I’m not used to women…. to allowing women that.” His hand moved to my chest, but he went lower to kiss my stomach over the dress.
“Equal in everything,” I added. “I’m yours, my Willem. I have always been yours. I want you to have me.” When his lips found my inner thigh, I begged.“Please.”
He rose, taking my hand and helping me stand. His legs hung off the bed on either side of my shape. He spun me, fingers finding a toying with the dress’ binding.
“Svana,” he said, then nothing.
“I want you.” I paused. “I wantyouto have me. Not Sameer. And no one else.”
“Not Sameer,” he said. His voice was barely audible. He pulled the lace through the first loop. Then he pulled the second, then the third.
I went on. “I want it to matter. I want it to mean something. I want it to be with a man for whom I… I bear deep affection. It's not to hurt your friend. It’s not to be malicious. It’s… it’s to be selfish, really. I selfishly want you to deflower me.”
The lace went through the next loop and the next, and then the corset broke apart. His hand crept the distance from where he’d started, to my spine’s lowest point, and then his lips pressed into my skin in the other direction, until his voice was hot at my ear.
“You are so beautiful, Svana,”he said.“How could I ever deserve such beauty? Such a gift?”
“Do you not want it?” I asked nervously.
He lost a breathy laugh, tugging at my gown and peeling it down. He cupped my breasts and pulled me to his body.
“I want it. I want you,” he promised. “I’ve never wanted another person so much before. I’ve memorized every inch of your body. I’ve longed for it. I am simply determining if I can restrain myself from corrupting you or not, or if this is the end of the line for me.”
“Don’t. Restraint is the very opposite of what I want from you,” I said. I moaned quietly as he caressed my chest. “Willem…”
“We can’t take it back once we cross this line,” he said. He sucked at the nape of my shoulder then drew me to the bed again, this time to face me on our sides.
“Iwantto cross that line–every line with you,” I told him. “I always have. I, Willem, I…” I covered my heart. “I have spent my entire upbringing saving myself for a marriage I didn’t want and didn’t choose. In Oreia, a man must first declare himself to a lady, and only if she agrees, is he permitted to offer her more. I may be royalty, but Iaman Oreian woman. I should allow myself the same freedom that we impart to our people. Iwantand Ineedthis choice to be mine and mine alone.”
He nodded. “I understand,” he said. He brushed my hair from my face. “I can give you that.”
“Everyone tells me that virginity is a gift–that is why it’s so coveted, but, well, if it is such a prize, then it ismyprize to give, andIshould be the decider of who it is bestowed upon. I don’t want to give myself to someone who does not see that. Who maintains his own affair for years despite knowing he was to marry me. I don’t want to give myself to someone who I don’t want. No, not when I have waited my whole life for you.”
