“You weren’t there!” I cried. “You did not see it, how Ibeggedhim to ease my agony, how, at times, I wished to die! Elías knew where you were this whole time and he never told me! I died every morning and again every night, more and more, every moment, and he… He allowed it!”
“Your father paid us,” he said.
“My father paid you? Elías?”
“I’m…I’m not sure about Elías. I meant my father and I. He paid my father and I to disappear.”
“What?”
“Your father allowed an old woman to inflict permanent damage to my body for kissing you. He paid us to be quiet about it. Yes. He likely paid your knight to relocate us; I imagine there is a fee involved in every step of this. There is a lot that went into this ruse. New papers, new names…A new house here in Chalke.”
“I’m going to be sick,” I said.
“I never received your letters. I swear. …Did Eli give you mine?” he asked.
“Did he…Youwroteme?” I asked, horrified. I bobbed my head. Of course he had written to me.
“Yes,” he said. “Just once.”
“No.” The word was heavy in my chest, even after it had been given. “He gave me nothing.”
“I didn’t think he would but… I wrote to you to apologize,” he explained. “To tell you that I held no anger for you. That I wished you a happy life. …When you didn’t reply I figured there was a reason. That you wished to remain silent.”
After a long pause, I said, “...I would have written you back.”
“I know that now,” he said. Cyrus moved us to the bed; we sat at the foot of it. He spoke quietly. “When the War got bad, Elías could not come around as he once did, and when he had been here before, it was not as a knight. He came as a friend of my father. I think the scrutiny over visitors to the Palace scared him. I could not write to him; he did not write to me. It was not until the Treaty was drawn and delivered that we saw each other again, but… I confess, there had already been rumors that you and the Prince would wed. I believed them. We all believed them because what else made sense? When Elías returned, he said, go, move, be anywhere else, but I refused.” His fingers brushed various parts of my face and arms. “I was a man by then and I was tired of hiding, and I… Love, it’s no coincidence that I am here in all of Chalke– in all of the world. It’s fate, Svana, and perhaps a combination of my own stubbornness, but when I saw you, when we stumbled upon each other in town, I felt as though God had grantedmyprayers, and I could not let you go, not even at the request of my hero. Not for the danger of falling for you again. Not for anything.”
I moved closer, just a fraction but enough.
He said, “I knew the risk when we kissed. I knew the risk of staying the moment I recognized you in the market. I knew you might recognize me. Hell, I expected you to, actually, but even when you didn’t, even though I was given yet another chance to be free of you, I was immobilized by the what if. What if you…I just wanted to see you again, just once. Like you, I prayed for such a thing, and I got it. I said, Cyrus, that’s it. That’s all you need. But then you came around and around and around. You found me while stealing my horse–”
“Not your horse,” I muttered.
He chuckled. “And then we danced. And I felt…hope. Then Sameer paid me to distract you and it felt so perfectly aligned that I was always in your path.”
“He paid you?” I scowled. “And you took it? Filthy.”
“Filthy or not, I was between a rock and a harder wall. I could’ve refused the money, drawn attention to thewhy, how I struggled to be around you, or I could take it and be paid to do something I wanted an excuse to do anyway. Besides, it wasn’t about the money,” he said. “Not really. We can’t all be as rich as King Nikolai, no, but I do have a mountain of his gold under my bed. I’m not suffering. I took Sameer’s offer because if I didn’t, then what? He finds someone else to do it? Someone better suited for your attention? No. No, I’ve worked too hard for this moment. I’ve been too patient for this chance, and every day of my life. I have already done things I despised doing for Chalke, why not twist that evil into something good? Something for me?”
“I don’t understand… You worked for this moment?” I asked.
“Yes, Princess. I’ve worked for it.” He gave me a look. “Even before, I… What I mean is that I worked to become unstoppable with a blade, to become Sameer’s instructor, to guarantee that when you arrived, I would be as close to you as humanly possible given my station. And then, hilariously, I just happened upon you at the market. And I?—”
“You wereengaged,”I argued. “You were engaged to another woman. Was Miss Lydia a part of your effort to see me, sir?”
“I… No.” He looked as if I’d slapped him. “She was a distraction.”
“That’s horrible. She’s a person.”
“Yes. Yes, I know, and I wrestle with myself constantly over it all. Over my ability to discard her. Lydia was…not a distraction exactly. I did care for her… but she was not you. So yes, I did feel something for her. For a time, I did try to move on from you. Not because I didn’t want you, but becauseyouwere engaged, too, and to someone I call my friend. It was a messy time in my life. I had no rudder. No hope until the market.”
“Does she know?” I asked. “Why you left Oreia?”
“If you’re asking if she knows my identity, no,” he said.
“...Does she know of us?”
“No,” he promised. “I’ve never told her of my days at the castle, but...I mean, she has seen the scar. We were not exactly…unphysical.”
