“What happened as we entered Treach, Devourer?”
Ahh. The nickname.
“I want the truth,” she continues, “I need to know what you mean when you say you’re forced to do things.”
I continue to stare into the wavering torch. If I reveal what she asks, it puts her at risk. And I can’t lose her too.
“I became a beast. My soul splintered from rage and grief.” The memories threaten to cut through and pour out.
She grows quiet, barely breathing.
“King Euron has me bound to him, bound to his will. If I disobey, he uses power from old witches to immobilize me. Punish me.”
I sniff and rub my sleeve along my nose. It’s hard to admit that I lack autonomy over my actions. That I’ve been defiled in more ways than I want to remember.
The wind picks up, a cold unnatural chill accompanying it. She stays there, backed up against me, giving the space that I need to confess.
“When you’ve been forced to do unthinkable things, you tuck away parts of yourself to protect your mind from the truth. The things someone would willingly do to stop the pain and torment, would terrify you if you confronted those actions. You become a predator, unmatched in skill if it meant you weren’t at the brunt of the whip.”
A small tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away.
“Sometimes I look in the mirror and question if it’s me or the monster I’ve become looking back. And still, that darkness isn’t as frightening as the power King Euron holds over me.”
Her small frame shifts from me, leaving my back colder with her absence and I hear soft footsteps padding away.
It’s a good thing, her leaving. I should have done it myself, if only to protect her from myself in the end. The only ending for us would be in tragedy.
Suddenly, taking me off guard, she rushes towards me, wrapping her arms around my body.
Her breasts press into my back, the warmth of them drawing me from my darkness.
“Kassiel, look at me.” She kisses me, under my earlobe and whispers, “Join me, come lay down and let us forget our sorrows if only for a night.”
I blink, my eyes blurry from the emotion that builds. She releases me and I hear shuffling behind me.
More blankets have been piled up in our makeshift bed, almost nestlike.
“I hate sleeping anywhere but my own bed, but I’d be glad to have your company tonight.” She offers me a weak smile, exhaustion causing her eyes to darken.
Before I know it, we’re cradled in each other's arms and she’s quickly asleep. She doesn’t bring up Saultmaus, or my dark truths and I’m grateful for it. Her head lays in the crook of my arm in the perfect position to count each of her freckles that remind me of the star—kissed sky.
We lay there, until she’s snoring quietly, a new development I learn. The cold breeze returns and it’s still unnerving to watch the fog consume the distance between Treach and the trees. I’ll never quit thanking the oracles for warding the village when I was still a young man, nearly two hundred turns ago, protecting it from the spirits and phantoms of the forest.
I uttered most of my truths to Alora, though the biggest one I kept for another time was my age, and the fact that I won’t greet death for as long as the Nasc Gal, the bond with King Euron, is intact. I’ll watch her cross the veil one day and turn to dust, and I’ll still look the same. The only difference is that when her timecomes, I’ll be The Devourer and no longer Kassiel, succumbed to the monster and my own fate.
I’m lost in the turbulence of my mind as the dark sky lightens from a dark blue to a lighter purple as the auroras press farther from the edge of the mountains.
Alora begins to stir, speaking inaudibly. It’s too early for her to be waking as we still have at least half the night to go. Her body twitches and begins to flail.
I raise up on one of my arms to get a better look at what’s happening. Her eyes are closed tightly, crinkling the corners. She lets out a groan followed by a soft cry. I pull the blanket up closer to her, tucking it under her shoulder and bringing it near her chin.
“Hanin…” she whispers, “I’ll find someone…I’ll find a healer.” Silent tears form as she bites her lip in her sleep.
I bring my hand to her head and cup underneath, shifting her closer to me. I lay back down and roll her head onto my chest, trying to make her more comfortable.
This isn’t the first night—terror of hers I’ve seen. I’ve watched her rake her fingers viciously along her sides in her deep sleep fits. She usually cries for Hanin and her parents. It most always ends in her screaming out, a heartwrenching cry that pulls at my soul. And it’s my fault. I’ll never be able to atone for the terror I’ve caused her alone. The haunting dreams that plague her are my doing, in one way or another. I may not have killed her family directly, but my existence only emboldens the king.
She begins to tremble and I say the only thing I can think of, “You have me, I’m yours.”
