I rub her hand and whisper, “I can kiss away your pain. Kiss away the torment that rattles you. If you’d let me, I’d swallow down all your tears.”
I kiss her hair and slowly rub her back and arms, trying my best to not wake her but ease her restlessness. But if it’s the only way I can bring her peace, I’ll offer my body as sacrifice.
Once she’s fast asleep, I gently move her from my embrace and walk far enough to where she won’t wake.
Taking a knee, I gather some of the soft soil and let it fall from my fingertips.
It feels like home being this far north, for now, I’m alone with my tumultuous thoughts and quiet nature. It’s not often I get to do this, be unbothered by prying eyes.
Grasping my steel blade from my waistcoat, I make quick work as I slice a mark into my forearm. My shadows bleed out from the mark, the jagged and black inky swirls joining. The umbra kiss licks over my flesh, healing the wound as quickly as I had dealt it.
“Hail the great goddess, Caanea, mother of the stars, creator of the dark. As your loyal follower, I ask that you’d accept this pledge and honor me in ways you see fit. Let it be done.” I whisper, barely loud enough for even my own ears to hear.
My oath is quick but made to the great mother. I’ve only ever made three marks before this one, and only one remains beside this new promise. I look back to Alora, she still sleeps.
My covenant of retribution, an atonement for my curse. The promise of death. A pact made with the goddess herself to rid undesirables from this realm.
The revire, once made, is permanent until the act is done and the goddess satisfied. It’s only promised to those that have no redemption, to people who would rather others suffer by their hands needlessly or for their own depraved reasons.
I’ve upheld two of my oaths and now have two remaining. Orlin will be easy, he’s not smart enough to know what I truly am. The other mark has proved more difficult, especially as my life has been tied to his.
Being stuck in this purgatory for years now leaves a tarnish on my own soul, waiting for the moment I can use the mors finalem and end my suffering and complete this promise to the great mother.
Chin bobbing upward, I toss back the locks that have fallen into my face that conceal the view of the moons.
They’re both glowing bright tonight, the light seemingly charged with my newest pact. The ivory color reminds me of her soft skin. It’s even ironic that she would be starkissed with freckles, similar to my favorite constellations. Where she’s much like the celestial moons, I’m empty like the night, my dark features and tanned skin threatening to consume her light.
I walk back to where Alora sleeps and lay down again next to her. I caress and gently massage her, until the night wanes and morning is kissing the sky with its pink yellow splashes.
Musings from early this morning rattle around inside my head as I ride behind her on Dahla. How could this siren, with such poison and wrath in her heart, look at me with such eager devotion?
I grow weary of the fates and their cruel amusements. To me, this feels just like another step toward losing everything I am. If I was to fall for this woman, even if I was in this very moment doing just that, they’d rip her away. It would be inevitable, and I’d be stuck in the shell of a man who dared to hope.
“Alora, would you rather I ride ahead and let the council know we’re close?” Caym’s boisterous voice reminds me of my inner turbulence.
“No, I say let them be surprised when we sneak in with… well, him.” She waves her hand to me.
Another musing to rivet my thoughts. What will become of me when we get to the secret whereabouts of The Hidden?
Though I don’t wear culling bands anymore, I can’t help but still feel like a prisoner, if only because of how often I catch Leeson watching me, her gaze far more observant and judgemental than someone of her stature should possess.
As the meadow before us opens up to a scarcer tree line than what lies behind us, I drift back to memories of last night. When the only ointment for her tremors was my soft kisses and whispers.
Eventually she stilled, calming after the storm that threatened to pull her down in the watery depths of her memories.
“What secrets do you hide, Alora? The ones that your soul begs you to release?”
I’d said the words so sure as we lay in each other's grasp in the early hours before the village woke, believing I was strong enough to brunt the force of her revelations as she had mine.
Her eyes hollowed and she rubbed her chest, clutching it as if preventing a split from heartache. Her tears silently fell as she grabbed my hand and placed it to her chest.
Swallowing thickly, she began,“There are times… many times… when it’s all I can do to hold in the cries. It feels as if someone is screaming so loudly inside me, bloodying her throat raw, and all I can do is swallow down her wails. Because I’m afraid if I don’t, I won’t be able to quit screaming too.”
To know she shared the duress I’d sheltered in my bones for so long was shattering.
I’d kissed her tears, greedy for the offering.
Dahla quickly sidesteps an object in the trail, catching me off guard and threatening to send me skittering down onto the ground.
