“Look at me.” Kenz motions to her eyes, and I raise my gaze to them. “All right, easy now. Breathe in, slow. Breathe out. Come on, five more. In. Out.”
I follow her breathing until my heart stops trying to race out of my chest.
“Okay, let’s take this one piece at a time.” Kenz takes my hand on the table and holds it. “Five guys, hmm. Obviously, you’d have one in your pussy, one in your ass, one in your mouth.” She taps her finger on her lips. “I guess you could have the other two in your hands. Or they could trade off. But yeah, that would keep you kind of busy. But my guess is they don’t have sex every night, and the whole all five at once would probably be more of a once a week or maybe all weekend type thing.”
My mouth drops open. “They’re all huge. My jaw is sore today from last night, and you think they’ll take my pussy and ass at the same time?! They’ll rip me apart.”
“How do you think Jack and Caden do girls together?” Kenz gives me a look meant to calm me. “One takes their mouth and the other the pussy. Or for a more experienced girl, they do her ass and pussy. They make sure the girl is ready for it. So if other girls can take Caden and someone else, you’ll be fine.”
“That’s not very comforting.” My chest burns thinking of other girls with the guys. I know they aren’t virgins and have been with girls I have class with. Even so, it’s hard not to think of them as mine after last night.
“The question of will they stray after you give it up.” Kenz squeezes my hand and her eyebrows pull down. “I don’t know the answer to that. I don’t think anyone can give you that answer either. It’s not like you guys are all in love.”
My lips press together to stop the denial, because she’s right. We aren’t. Emotions have nothing to do with our arrangement.
“But you have an agreement, and from what I know about the horsemen, they don’t go back on their word. They may try to renegotiate,but they would definitely give you a heads up if something was going to change.” Kenz’s words sink into me.
I take a deep breath, trying to cool off the burning in my chest at the thought of them with someone else. “It’s about trust then?”
“Doesn’t it always come down to that?” Kenz smiles. “Fuck, I worried Brandon might dump me after getting what he wanted.”
“Really?” I’m surprised because they’ve been together for the past two years. I figured they were solid.
She shrugs. “Sometimes men really want something and when they get it, they’re done with the chase. I couldn’t be sure with Brandon, but I’m not sorry I finally had sex with him. It’s so much better than just fooling around.”
I nod and look down at my plate. I’ve eaten most of my meal and I could use a coffee refill. The thought of them being done with me still circles my head. I guess as long as they enjoy sex with me, they’ll continue to want me. At the beginning, I wanted them to leave me alone. But now… I don’t know how I’d feel if I finally gave in and then they went back to how it was before.
Sighing, I admit, “I know it’s a gamble, but you and Brandon have two years of being together to rely on. I’ve been with the guys since last Monday and haven’t really fully committed to beingtheirs. If this is just a game, do I lose if I give in so quickly? Do I make them wait until they beg for it?”
“I don’t have an answer for you. You’ve already gotten them to give you more than any other girl with the exclusivity. But that might mean they expect more from you.” Kenz takes a bite of pancakes and chews thoughtfully.
“What if I’m not what they expect me to be?” I ask softly, afraid of the answer. Afraid that even my best friend knows I’m not enough for them. What girl could be? It would take a team of girls, like the Cheermonsters, to keep them satisfied, and even they couldn’t keep the horsemen. This crazy part of me wants to be enough though. Wants to hold onto their attention when no other girl could.
“If I were you, I’d enjoy it while I can and have some nice memories for when I’m old and gray and my husband can’t get it up anymore.” Kenz winks as she shovels another bite into her mouth.
I smile and shake my head. “I was afraid you were going to tell your grandkids about it.”
“Nah, they don’t need to know grandma got railed by five dicks at once.” Kenz laughs.
“Talk about needing therapy.” I join in her laughter and it feels nice.
“Okay, enough about boys,” Kenz says. “What do you think about our classes for this year?”
Kenz finishes her meal while we talk about our classes and the potential hell our homework and studying will be this year. The waitress comes by and gives us more coffee and takes our plates. I take the opportunity to look around, as the place has gotten more packed. Penny and her crew are at a table across the way and she gives me an enthusiastic wave. I smile, but don’t gesture her to come over.
I don’t know what those girls want from me yet.
“What are you doing Monday?” Kenz asks.
Before I can answer, a female voice joins in. “Probably Eiffel Towering the football team.”
We swivel our heads to see Sidney, Emma, and Ashley closing in on our table.
“You know me so well.” I give Sidney a fake smile and make a note to ask Kenz what an Eiffel Tower is. “What’s up, bit—uh, cheerleaders?”
Sidney’s eyebrows pop up at my almost slip. Really,what’s up, bitchescan be a friendly greeting. I’m not sure it would have been coming out of my mouth to them. But they haven’t exactly been friendly, so it’s accurate.
“We stopped for breakfast and saw you guys hanging out.” Sidney grabs the chair at the table beside ours and turns it to sit at the end of our table. Emma slides in next to me, and Ashley sits next to Kenz.
