TWENTY-THREE
PAM
“You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing”- Ram Dass
“Are you sure you don’t want me to fly back with you?” Alistair asked pensively.
I adjusted Remi’s bag on my shoulder and shook my head. “I’m sure.”
I mean, I wanted him to fly back with me and never leave, but I couldn’t ask that of him. It was a choice he had to make on his own.
He leaned over, bringing the rough portion of his horns that dipped down between his brows to my forehead. “I am going to miss you so much. Thank you again for doing this.”
“I’ll always be there for you when you need me.”
He wrapped one hand around the back of my neck, his thumb gently tracing over my jawline. “Pam, I—”
Was he going to say what I thought he was going to say?
He couldn’t possibly.
Could he?
Without another word, he pressed his mouth to mine, gently pushing his tongue past my lips. He tasted like sweet mint and strong coffee, his signature sage and cedar wrapping around me. My fingers tangled in the hair around the sides of his face, pulling him deeper, soaking up as much of him as I could right there in the middle of the airport.
He pulled away and shook his head, puffing out a breath. “Have a safe flight, okay? Text me as soon as you land.”
“I will.”
He squatted in front of me and rubbed a finger along the mesh of Remi’s carrier. “Have a safe flight, buddy. I’ll miss you.”
I knew he would. He and Remi had a little bromance going.
Alistair stood and checked his watch. “You should probably head through security. Even with a first class ticket, you never know when they’re going to hold you up.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “Alright.”
He gave me one last kiss on the forehead and a strained lopsided smile. “Bye.”
“Bye.”
It felt like my feet were covered in cement as I walked away, every step weighed down by the pain of saying goodbye to Alistair.
I was positive he was staring at me. Just standing there watching me disappear into the sea of people waiting to go through security.
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I forced them back. I didn’t want to draw extra attention to myself, and I’d have plenty of time to cry unnoticed on the plane ride back to Briar Glenn.
On the plane ride home.
I went through the motions with security, showing them my ID and waiting patiently while they ran the wand over Remi’s carrier.
Luckily there wasn’t much of a wait before it was time to board, meaning I had less time to stress about the flight. My medication made me feel nice and relaxed, but not as relaxed as I would have been if Alistair had been with me.
I sat down, taking deep breaths and running through the affirmations in my head.
I inhale peace and exhale worry.
I can do hard things.
