“Stop tormenting my grandbaby, boy,” Ma chastises.
All I can do is release a low chuckle and place Zakiyah back on the ground as she clings to my leg, causing me to smirk. I love the daddy’s girl that she is and wouldn’t trade her love for anything in the world.
“Has she eaten, or do I need to stop before taking her to day care?” If the day care didn’t charge me whether or not Zakiyah came, I would just leave her here for the day.
“Bye, Zakai. See you whenever.” Ma waves me off, and Dad laughs before picking up the remote and changing the TV from whatever kid-friendly program was on to entertain Zakiyah.
Grabbing my baby’s hand, I shake my head and walk toward the front door while whispering to Zakiyah. “See how she doesyou, Kiki. No goodbye, give me a kiss, or nothing. Don’t worry, Daddy—ouch.” The unexpected slap to the back of my head catches me off guard and cuts off my attempt at riling Zakiyah up.
“Don’t be lying, boy. I promise you my size five will still fit comfortably on your hind part,” Ma tells me.
Deciding to quit while I’m ahead, I wordlessly continue to the front door and exit my parents’ house. Placing baby girl in her car seat and quickly securing her in the seat belt, I hop in and pull out of the driveway so I can drop Zakiyah off at day care. This next part is going to be challenging because neither of us enjoys the separation. My issue is walking out the door of the day care while Zakiyah cries or whines to go with me. Every single time, my heart splits in two, and I question if I’m doing the right thing by going to work.
It’s ridiculous because in order to give Zakiyah the life she deserves, I have to work. But it doesn’t make it any easier seeing my baby cry for me. My luck isn’t better today, because nearly twenty-five minutes later, I’m on my knees, wiping Kiki’s wet face as she cries hysterically.
“Come on, Kiki. You’re breaking my heart. Please stop crying. Daddy has to go to work, but I’ll be back. I promise.”
I can’t cry with Zakiyah, but seeing her little face frowning as tears slip from her eyes is never easy. This little girl has no idea how much she has me wrapped around her little finger. But every time she cries, my heart nearly rips from my chest.
“Wanna toe wif you, Daddy,” Kiki cries.
Desperate to stop her tears and the agony it’s bringing me, I attempt to negotiate with a child who has no clue how big her bargaining chip is.
“What if Daddy brings you back a toy? Can you please stay with Ms. Clemmie for Daddy?”
Ma would probably smack me again if she heard me trying to bribe Zakiyah to stay, but I’m desperate. If my baby doesn’t stop crying, I’m liable to run out of this facility and tell my boss she’s something like a cuter, holier version of Chucky’s wife, Tiffany. This shit is breaking the hardness within me, and I can’t take too many more of these tears coming from Zakiyah.
“Nooo. Wif you! Wif you, Daddy.” Kiki cries, stomping her little foot while effectively shredding my damn heart.
Come on, Kiki! You’re killing me here.
For countless seconds, I’m stuck in place while mentally scrolling through my calendar to see if I can somehow sneak Kiki into work with me. This is one of the times I wish my employer offered an on-site day care center because then I would have access to Zakiyah several times during my workday. An ache in my chest has me contemplating calling off and trying again tomorrow, just to pacify my daughter so she’ll stop crying.
Damn, this is hard.
“It’s okay, Mr. Tillman. I got her,” Ms. Clemmie says softly, swooping Zakiyah up into her arms before walk-sprinting away from me as my daughter’s screams echo off the walls.
Standing in an upright position, I wipe my hand down my face before sighing heavily and leaving the day care. My heart is on my sleeve, and my chest is tight as I fight like hell not to look behind me or go rescue my baby from Ms. Clemmie. My feet feel like weights as I fight my emotions now that I have effectively gotten Kiki off to day care for the day. Dropping her off is always challenging, but pickups allow me to resume a semblance of normalcy until it’s time to do it all over again.
“Damn. That shit was brutal. I got to make it up to Kiki after work, though.”
Once I’m back in my vehicle and heading to work, my weary brain shifts from Zakiyah to Caziya. Shaking my head, I can’thelp but become irritated at the reminder of not getting her phone number to at least check on her.
“Hell, I could have at least woke her up to tell her I was leaving. I bet she’s another woman who feels abandoned by me today. Fuck!”
My mind flashes back to how well Caziya fit in my arms before and after she fell asleep on me. Having Caziya in my arms, even while carrying her the short distance to the bed, had been therapeutic. I’m not sure if it was from Caziya’s comfort with me or how my heart stretched and thumped wildly when my eyes momentarily got lost on her sleeping form.
“If I ever get another opportunity to exchange numbers with pretty ass Caziya, I bet I won’t waste it.”
Same Day. . .
*Angel of mine*
My eyes peel open as I register the last line of the ringtone I have set for Kelvin, and reality slams into me as what happened last night replays in my foggy mind. An acute sense of loss settles within my extremities at the knowledge of my relationship crumbling before it could advance to more. After such a short time, I should be able to snap out of the sunken place Kelvin’s deceit sent me, but the truth is betrayal has no time limit on itseffects. Lifting from the pillow, I register the crumpled sheets, alerting me that I didn’t sleep alone last night. The thought of Zakai sends a slight current of adrenaline through my body until a frown slides in place upon registering his absence.
Looking down at my wrinkled dress and the confirmation of my thongs digging in my ass tells me that Zakai didn’t take advantage of me. But all pleasure and warmth leave my body when my eyes return to the empty spot where the evidence of Zakai’s body had been. Turning to look at the nightstand beside me, where my phone is, the absence of a note evokes a sense of loss that surges through me like water streaming down a creek. Zakai had been extremely gentle with me, and his care while preventing me from nursing my broken heart is something I didn’t plan for. Knowing he left without so much as a goodbye has the misery from last night haunting me even more.
Unchecked moisture slips from the corners of my eyes as I wrap my arms around my upper body, giving in to the despair I’m experiencing. The Band-Aid that Zakai temporarily put on is now being ripped off simply because of his absence. Knowing that another man had easily walked out on me within twenty-four hours is too much to bear. Something within my foggy brain prompts me to lean over and grab my phone to check the time and what day it is.6:09 A.M. Thursday.“Crap, it’s still a workday. Why the hell did I let that man convince me to book a hotel on a non-weekend day?”
