“It is what I know,” he said. “Avoiding one another. Not speaking. Acting as if we do not exist. It can’t go on like this, Margot. Surely, you know that?”
“I am only doing what you wanted,” she said with a sneer. “Is this not exactly what you promised me?”
“It is,” he agreed. “But things change.”
That did it. Anger flared inside of her, that which had been lying dormant all week.Who is he to speak of change? Who he is to act as if this is somehow my doing!She spun about and flashedher eyes with fury so he could see it. And the way he winced when she finally looked upon him might have brought pleasure, had she not been so angry.
“How dare you!” she snarled. “How dare you say – act! How dare you act as if this is somehow my doing! That this last week, how I have behaved, has anything to do with me!” Hands on her hips, she glared at him as if doing so might see him catch fire.
The moonlight bathed Sebastian so that he glowed pure white. And where Margot did not want to see it, the look of guilt and shame was unmistakable in his blue eyes. The way he reared back. The way he hunched his shoulders and pouted so there was no mistaking that he knew he was in the wrong.
It was almost enough to see her anger soften… but she held onto it because she needed to.I will not let him trick me again.
“You are right,” he admitted. “About everything. I am the one who –”
“Have been avoiding me!” she cut him off. “Who has made it so clear that he wants nothing to do with me?”
“Yes,” he said, somehow battering away her anger and standing tall. He took a step toward her, his expression resolved now rather than shameful. “I won’t deny it, Margot. Everything… all of it…” He tried for a resigned smile. “It was my fault. I brought this on us.”
She shook her head, still glaring at him. “Why, Sebastian? Tell me that. That is what I want to know. That is what I cannot get past. Last week, you seemed…” She felt her anger waning, and she tried to hang onto it, but the desperate sadness began to creep in. “Am I the fool? Was I so eager to see a different side of you that I let myself believe you were different?”
“No…” He stepped toward her again, less than three feet away. “You were not a fool, Margot. You did nothing wrong.”
“Then tell me! What changed? What happened? At Marlow Estate, you were…” She sighed, the anger just about gone. “Before that, you were who I thought, and that was fine. That was what I expected. But that afternoon, I saw a side of you I did not know existed. I saw what I thought was the real you. Was I wrong? Or were you just putting on a face for the crowd?”
He winced and bowed his head. “It is not such a simple thing to explain.”
“Try, please,” she pleaded. “I have to know.”
“I…” He bit his lip, and she could see the fight raging inside of him. “I did not lie to you,” he said. “I did not put on airs and pretend to be different. In fact…” He laughed bitterly. “That was a side of me that was very real, but one I rarely show.”
“And why not?”
He shrugged. “For many reasons. And after it was all done, those reasons reminded me of who I am.” Slowly, he looked at her again, the moonlight making his eyes glimmer. “I never meant to trick you. Just as I never meant to hurt you.”
“You might not have meant to, but you did.” Her tone was short and cutting. “And that after, you could not even…” She sneered at the memory. “I know this marriage is one of convenience, but that does not mean that you and I… that we… this isn’t what I want, Sebastian. The way we act. How we hide from one another.”
“Nor do I!”
“Then why?” She pleaded now, looking at him without blinking, begging him for the answers. He was so close to her, and oh, how she wanted to go to him. But she could not.He is the one who started this; he is the one who needs to end it. I will not let him trick me again.“Tell me that. Tell me that and maybe we can…” She laughed. “Maybe we can change it?”
He did not answer her immediately.
He went back to looking at the ground, his mind turning for answers. She could see how much he was struggling within himself. And that gave her hope, a belief that what had happened was not to do with her and that perhaps there was a chance that this was not where things ended for them.
That should have brought some relief. But she knew too that Sebastian was stubborn, hard to change, and that unless hereally wanted it, he would not give in.And if he expects me to be the one to push… no, I will not do that. Not this time.
“I am attracted to you,” he said finally, this time forcing himself to look at her. “You know that.”
“I had suspected it.”
“I…” He nodded to himself and walked to her, a sense of determination in his eyes as he came close. She caught her breath, and then she held it when his hand reached for her waist, only to pause…
“What… what are you doing?” she asked in a whisper, her pulse quickening to feel him so close, her body fighting between wanting to push him away and fall into him.
“You have no idea how hard it has been…” Slowly, his hand moved to her waist. She gasped to feel his touch finally, warmth spreading through her body as he pulled her in. “I wish it were not the case. How much easier it would be. But…” His eyes flicked from her eyes to her lips.
“But…?” she pressed on him, meeting his eyes, seeing them shine in the moonlight. She could feel his heart racing, his body shaking. And most of all, she could see the want in his eyes as he looked at her.
