The fire has spread throughout the office. The desks, chairs, phones, everything burns. Tears form in my eyes. Is it the smoke or the fact I’m realizing I might end up dying here?
11
Joey
It isa slow day at the station on a Friday. Not a single call yet so everyone’s looking for something to do. Laundry. Napping. Playing Scrabble. Working out.
Yeah, we’re pretty boring.
Don’t get me wrong, when we party, we go hard. But when we’re on the job, we keep things pretty mellow. It has to do with the perpetual possibility of an emergency sounding off at any moment. We never let our collective guard down. While we’re at the station, there’s a part of us that remains tense and coiled up, ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice.
Today, my entire body is full of tension. I decided to tell my lieutenant what’s in my heart. How I feel about his sister. So yeah, it’s going to happen. I’m putting myself out there — as that brother of mine so eloquently put it.
The sun went down some hours ago, but I still haven’t found the right moment.
Maybe I am a little scared to tell Jax how I feel about Bethany. Maybe I’ve been putting it off, waiting for a perfect moment I know will never come. I might as well do it now.
Jax is in the kitchen. I can hear him rattling around in there, assembling a massive snack no doubt. That guy eats like a bear preparing for hibernation. I’m in the common room pretending to watch TV. There’s no one else around.
I take a deep breath.
“Jax, I like your sister.” I say it under my breath. I just wanted to test the words out. Make sure they still made sense. Wow, my heart is really pounding. I didn’t think I’d be this nervous.
Maybe it’s not the best idea to say it right now, out of the blue. There’s no context for it and it would be too abrupt. Maybe I should just chit-chat with him and it’ll come up naturally?The Cubs are looking good this year. It’s gonna be cold this weekend. Hey, so I kinda can’t stop thinking about your sister. Is that cool with you?
Oh yeah. This will be a cinch . . . not.
“You tryin’ to figure out what to eat to get as big as your boy?” I say to Jax while flexing my arms.
I always tease him for being skinnier than me. By most people’s standards, he’s a built dude. He can bench three fifty after all. But he’s tall, and he has a lanky frame. Plus, I know he still feels insecure sometimes, because he usedto be awkward and nerdy back in high school. So, I like razzing him. If you can’t use your close friends’ deepest insecurities against them for a couple of laughs, what’s friendship even for?
Jax comes into the common area holding a paper plate stacked high with snacks. Doritos are balanced precariously on top of Oreos. Below those layers, it’s hard to make out what’s what.
He sits down on the couch across from me and busts out a front double biceps. I taught him all the official bodybuilding poses. It used to be my life. I didn’t do it for very long, because my trainer kept telling me if I wanted to go pro, I’d need to hop on the bike and start juicing. I told him I liked my testicles the way they were, and that was that.
“Those are cute,” I say, referring to my lieutenant’s arms.
“Oh, I guess eighteen inches is cute then.” says Jax.
“Pshh, those aren’t eighteen.”
“You want to bet?” Jax says, getting animated.
I chuckle. “Relax. I believe you. It’s just that they don’t look eighteen.”
Jax is about to protest, but he catches himself, shakes his head with a rueful smile, only now realizing I’m just messing with him. He feels foolish for letting me get under his skin so easily. As he should.
“Eighteen’s not bad though,” I say. “Not many people can get arms that big.”
Jax nods and plays it cool, but I can tell he’s swelling with pride.
“But you know, there’s not bad, and then there’s . . .” I hit my own front double biceps.
“I swear, you might be part gorilla,” Jax says.
“No argument there. I do enjoy a steady diet of leaves, shoots, and stems. I might also be part plant.”
This makes Jax laugh. The chips fall out of his mouth.
